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BMI is BS. Apparently I am underweight. So not true.
This is true. It was developed for athletes or people who exercise enough to carry a lot of muscle mass but now everyone uses it to justify the medium blizzard at DQ
Assuming this OP is for real, if she was easily able to maintain 100 lbs for many years as an adult, including after having kids, then she has a small frame and 150 lbs is quite overweight for her. It's difficult for most adults to stay underweight for many years, especially after multiple pregnancies, so we can assume that 100 lbs is not all that underweight for the OP. Unless of course she was anorexic, but I'm sure that would have come up by now if that was an issue.
OP, pull you head out of the sand and quit worrying about whether your husband is telling people you're overweight. He doesn't need to tell them; they can tell just by looking at you. You might think you're hiding that 50 lbs from everyone, but you're not, all the Spanx in the world can't hide 50 lbs.
It doesn't matter what we all think and what you think about whether your husband should still be attracted to you, the fact is that your weight is a significant issue for your husband and it is an issue that will never be resolved for him unless you drop back down close to the 100 lbs you claim you were when you got married. He's made that very clear.
So you have 3 choices here:
(1) Drop the weight. Hopefully that restores his attraction to you and things return to the way they were earlier in your marriage. No guarantees of course, there might be too much water under the bridge at this point.
(2) Don't drop the weight and just let your marriage continue on its current course. You'll just have to learn to live with his comments, minimal sex and however many affairs he decides to have since he will be 100% guaranteed to have more affairs if nothing changes.
(3) Get a divorce now. You're headed down this road anyway if you pick option 2, it's just a question of how long it will take for the divorce to happen.
No matter what option you pick, you need some counseling. Both as a couple, but especially you individually. If you've put on 50 lbs in a manner of a couple years, then you have some serious emotional and/or mental stresses going on in your life to the point where you've turned to eating in order to deal or not deal with them. My two cents is that after getting counseling and starting to heal yourself, you'll realize this is not the marriage for you.
I am beginning to wonder if OP is real because a 5'9" person only weighing 100 pounds would be anorexic. They would be 28 pounds too light for the military, even. It just doesn't sound right.
I am beginning to wonder if OP is real because a 5'9" person only weighing 100 pounds would be anorexic. They would be 28 pounds too light for the military, even. It just doesn't sound right.
Location: Stuck on the East Coast, hoping to head West
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I think every husband fears that his little pretty wife is going to change into an ugly, unkempt, beast. Someone who isn't going to care about her appearances and just let herself go. They want someone who puts effort into her appearance b/c he sees it as love for him and wants to be proud of the woman on his arm.
Your weight gain of 50lbs scares the heck out of him. And you're happy about it? In his head, he's thinking it's only a matter of time before you hit 250 and grow facial hair.
I think every husband fears that his little pretty wife is going to change into an ugly, unkempt, beast. Someone who isn't going to care about her appearances and just let herself go. They want someone who puts effort into her appearance b/c he sees it as love for him and wants to be proud of the woman on his arm.
Your weight gain of 50lbs scares the heck out of him. And you're happy about it? In his head, he's thinking it's only a matter of time before you hit 250 and grow facial hair.
I think more often than not the husband decides to let himself go before the wife does. That little pot belly you guys are in denial about? Well, we notice it. And then that denial turns into an extra 20 to 50 pounds.
We also want to be proud of our husbands that were once hot. Cuts both ways my friend.
I find all of this crazy. OP, I'm sorry about your problem and I wish there were better advice for you other than lose weight to make your husband happy but what else is there, really? If you're going to allow him to continue to think that way and let it make you feel like crap, that's on you. If he's not willing to forego a little weight after all the time you've been together; I hate think how he'd react if you really got sick.
Personally, my old man would never do that. We've known each other skinny and fat for over 30 years and chose to be together 6 years ago. I'm 5'6" and I have an average build, boobs and a flat "white girl butt". When I weighed 135 I looked sickly. When I was 155 at age 16-21 I looked awesome and was in the best shape of my life. Then I had a kid and gained 20 but still looked really good, if not chunky at that point. I think I look just fine at 175. By the time the second kid came along with diabetes and a tumor and my gall bladder crapping out on me I ballooned up to 260 at age 32. I felt huge but I have no issues with relations and I don't think my weight has ever mattered to anyone but me.
Now, at age 40 I have weighed exactly 220 for 8 years straight. This is my first post in this forum section because today I bought a scale and I'm kicking my own fat butt starting this weekend. Not for any man, but for me. My old man almost cried when I made him get on that scale and he's 257 so he can join me eating salad and cave man food or continue eating potatoes every night if he wants to. He's still gonna want to fool around even if he doesn't have the strength to stand because I'm still cute and he damn well knows it. LOL
This is also a man who IS all about the booty, and I have none. I'm just a big girl but he loves me so that fetish-type attraction crap is not always how it has to be.
Your weight does not define who you are.
Bottom line, how do you feel about you? If you like you, then let that fool know. Maybe you could lose a little but don't change if you don't want to just to fit someone else's idea of what you need to look like to have sex. Asking strangers might give you some insight but it won't resolve things faster than taking it right to your husband and hashing it out.
Possibility exists that your husband has reached the 'thrill is gone' stage of your relationship and he's using your weight gain as an excuse to justify his lack of passion.I doubt that losing weight is the answer as his not wanting to touch you is a very telling symptom that the relationship is over.
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