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My husband and I have been together some 13 years now. His first marriage, my second. When we met I weighed about 100 pounds. He told me that he's always been attracted to slender, petite women. For most of my life I was the skinny girl. Even after having my 2 kids from my first husband I still remained slim and petite. Our sex life was great in the beginning. Well, since then I've began putting on weight and I liked the way I looked with some meat on my bones. I like to eat and I'll eat a bowl of cereal every night before I go to bed. People have commented on how much better I look, except my husband. No we don't have any kids together. I guess I've gone from 100 lbs to almost 150 lbs any my husband doesn't seem to want to touch me. He's always said that he doesn't like a woman with a big booty (we're both black) and most of the black guys I know love a woman with a big rear end. Not my husband.
We've only had sex maybe twice in the past 3 or 4 months and he refuses to touch me. One thing I can say about him is that he's brutally honest. He'll tell me that he's not attracted to bigger women and that I've gained weight. I wear body shapers and "girdles" to hold everything in but he says that's nice when you're dressed but when you take that off and the real me comes out it's not attractive to see that I've put on about 50% of my initial body weight since we first met.
I'm the type of woman who believes in unconditional love. You should love the person you're with no matter how they change. My husband says that it is only reserved for parents and children and somewhat brothers and sisters. Why can't he just love me for me? We're in our mid 40s and he doesn't seem to care about sex (with me). Don't most men like sex? If he's not having sex with me then who's he having it with? Your weight should not be an issue if you truly love someone.The funny thing is this. He's also put on weight. No, not as much as me but I still love and desire him. He went from a 44 suit to a 46 so he's putting on the lbs too. He won't touch me. He won't cuddle with me. I've caught him checking out younger, slimmer women and I'm starting to worry.
What should I do? No, I don't want to go back to my original weight but I want my husband to want me again.
Your husband is unclear on the concept of love. I once heard a wise person say "If you want love, then give love. If you want passion then be passionate" I'm sure there is more that I have forgotten. Advice I took and changed my behavior.Wont say everything has been fairy tale the last 20 years, but it has made a real difference for the better. For me, at least.
I dont know how you can get your hubby to adjust his attitude, but it is he, not you.
PS my honey was 135 when we got married. She is ... I "think" 165 now. She gained a lot of weight when pregnant. So she says. I wont pretend I didnt notice, but it sure never mattered.
Time and time again I've seen a couple get divorced and one if not both had gained a ridiculous amount of weight. Then, when they can't find anyone else willing to accept their fatness they lose the weight in order to attract another mate.
Wouldn't it be easiest just to save the relationship one is in, in the first place by staying in shape? You'll live a lot longer too.
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