Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
There is a situation that I don't know if I should approach or not. So, I'm looking for some feedback on the forum.
I have a long time friend, we've been friends for nearly 30 years. I've always been overweight, yes even obese. But have managed to lose weight to where I'm nearly a normal weight, and both feel and look better.
I had not seen my friend in years as we do not live in the same area. She is now what I would consider dangerously moribidly obese. She told me she weighs over 330 lbs, is approx 5'4", and is in her early 50's. She has a very difficult time getting around, walking is difficult for her, she's constantly (and I do mean constantly!) in the bathroom. She doesn't to acknowledge she has a problem, seems to think that her behavior is "normal" and that's what 50 yr old women do. (We don't.) She worries about me--once told me that it wasn't too good to be too thin. (Trust me, I'm not). But neither is being severly morbidly obese. Her eating habits are out of control, eats way too fast, looks for more and more.
Her husband asked me to talk to her about working less, because he can't seem to get through to her. While he, too is obese, he can move around. He's also worried about her dying prematurely from working too much. Interestingly, she works in the medical field, so she at least thinks she's an expert on this. From what I can see, she can't get her job done in a typical amount of hours, because of her health problems with the obesity that she is not recognizing. So she works exceptionally long hours, which keeps perpetuating the poor eating habits, and in her own words, "makes her EXHAUSTED."
What I am considering doing is having a heart-to-heart conversation with her about her health. She does need medical evaluation concerning her obesity and its impact on her life.
But I'm scared to have this conversation with her as I know that when you are obese, about the last thing you want to hear is discussing your weight due to self denial issues. I'm fearful I'm going to lose a friend if I bring this up to her, and also fearful if I don't and she dies well before her time.
So forum friends, what would you do? And if you did decide to discuss it with her, how would you approach this?
There is a situation that I don't know if I should approach or not. So, I'm looking for some feedback on the forum.
I have a long time friend, we've been friends for nearly 30 years. I've always been overweight, yes even obese. But have managed to lose weight to where I'm nearly a normal weight, and both feel and look better.
I had not seen my friend in years as we do not live in the same area. She is now what I would consider dangerously moribidly obese. She told me she weighs over 330 lbs, is approx 5'4", and is in her early 50's. She has a very difficult time getting around, walking is difficult for her, she's constantly (and I do mean constantly!) in the bathroom. She doesn't to acknowledge she has a problem, seems to think that her behavior is "normal" and that's what 50 yr old women do. (We don't.) She worries about me--once told me that it wasn't too good to be too thin. (Trust me, I'm not). But neither is being severly morbidly obese. Her eating habits are out of control, eats way too fast, looks for more and more.
Her husband asked me to talk to her about working less, because he can't seem to get through to her. While he, too is obese, he can move around. He's also worried about her dying prematurely from working too much. Interestingly, she works in the medical field, so she at least thinks she's an expert on this. From what I can see, she can't get her job done in a typical amount of hours, because of her health problems with the obesity that she is not recognizing. So she works exceptionally long hours, which keeps perpetuating the poor eating habits, and in her own words, "makes her EXHAUSTED."
What I am considering doing is having a heart-to-heart conversation with her about her health. She does need medical evaluation concerning her obesity and its impact on her life.
But I'm scared to have this conversation with her as I know that when you are obese, about the last thing you want to hear is discussing your weight due to self denial issues. I'm fearful I'm going to lose a friend if I bring this up to her, and also fearful if I don't and she dies well before her time.
So forum friends, what would you do? And if you did decide to discuss it with her, how would you approach this?
You sound like a great friend. Unfortunatly anyone in denial about thier weight and how it is effecting thier health needs to realize themselves first, sort of like an addict, if they don't want help there's really nothing you can do. If you decide to have a heart-to-heart with her be sure to not do or say anything to put her on the defensive, maybe just talk to her about how much better you feel and how you did it and ask her to get involved with you because you need a friend and partner in your lifestyle change. If that doesn't work maybe telling her how much you care about her and how you want to make sure you guys stay friends for a long time will spark something in her, maybe have her hubby/kids? involved in offers to help and ideas for changing bad habbits? Get her excited about it.
Reading what you've written makes it clear that her well-being is your main concern. Knowing that, would it be possible for you to print this out and give it to her, with an added note about meeting her soon after? You know, let her sit with the idea for a bit and then talk with her?
I wish you luck. She must be a good friend to you, given the long history you share. My guess is she already understands both the problem and how much you care about her.
Maybe since your friend needs to work less because of her health maybe you can start with that. Just say you are concerned about her health and maybe she need to see her doctor to see if there are problems. Then maybe the doctor could help her out. I think bringing up that she is overweight might hurt the friendship. I'm sure she knows she is overweight. I think the motivation has to come from within. She needs your support and love not telling her she needs to lose weight...just my opinion..
You are a good friend and helping someone see the error of their ways isn't an easy thing. Maybe between you and her husband and any other close family and friends you could stage a sort of intervention. Describe how worried all of you are for her. You don't want to lose her. If she is in denial, maybe you could show her some pictures of how she used to look and how she looks now. explain that it is not vanity that is pushing this issue..it is health and well being. good luck.
There's nothing you can tell people that choose to be the way they are. They have to be ready to lose the weight.
What I would tell her is that it is not normal (like she thinks it is) to be in her condition and not be able to get around and walk at any age.
Update: I spoke to her husband because I wanted to find out if the behavior I witnessed is typical. Actually it isn't, her usual is actually worse. He's feeling guilty for not recognizing her health problems, told him to skip the guilt as it is non-productive. Gave him a general pep talk on being supportive. I suspect among other things that she may have diabetes, as she is extremely tired, goes to bathroom excessively, and is irritable. All are possible symptoms of diabetes.
I'm going to be talking to my friend in the next couple of days, looking for an opening to begin a conversation on how concerned I am about her health. I'm going to focus on her HEALTH as opposed to her weight, as that might be the key to getting through to her. At least if she goes to a Dr. for a physical/blood workup/EKG, they will at least be a starting point.
Update: I spoke to her husband because I wanted to find out if the behavior I witnessed is typical. Actually it isn't, her usual is actually worse. He's feeling guilty for not recognizing her health problems, told him to skip the guilt as it is non-productive. Gave him a general pep talk on being supportive. I suspect among other things that she may have diabetes, as she is extremely tired, goes to bathroom excessively, and is irritable. All are possible symptoms of diabetes.
I'm going to be talking to my friend in the next couple of days, looking for an opening to begin a conversation on how concerned I am about her health. I'm going to focus on her HEALTH as opposed to her weight, as that might be the key to getting through to her. At least if she goes to a Dr. for a physical/blood workup/EKG, they will at least be a starting point.
As her friend, I think that this is the best possible solution. You ARE worried about her health; keep that as the main focus while you talk to her. Help her get to a good Internal Med doctor (not just a GP or Family Practice doc; but a specialist in Internal Medicine); and even offer to go to the appointment with her (she may need some serious hand-holding both before and afterwards). Best doctor I ever had was one who didn't pull any punches but was also a good listener: she told me flat out that I needed to lose weight to control my diabetes and hypertension; I told her she was nuts! We compromised by my agreeing to take the meds she prescribed for me for both problems and I'd lose 15 pounds and then we would re-assess how I was really doing. I'm still on one of the 3 meds she prescribed back then; but I do feel so much better now!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
