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I had my black lab since he was 8 weeks old. November of 2010, we had to put him down. He was 13 yrs/8 months. I went through a very rough time, and suffered his loss even more than some human relatives. I'm still down from time to time. I had been going back and forth for some time and just left the whole dog thing alone.
The other day, my wife surprised me by saying that she put a deposit on a new yellow lab puppy. I was happy, but felt guilty at the same time. He will be 8 weeks old on May 2nd. I have a couple of things going on. The guilt for one, and also the thought of losing another dog when he's older. It's almost as if I don't want to go through it again. I don't want to make a mistake by turning it down. Has anyone here lost a pet and felt the same way?
Several times we got new dogs after another had passed - I did have mixed feelings but knew eventually I wanted another and it really did help w/ the grieving process plus I think I was ready - also getting another color dog I think will help in that you'll probably be comparing them less etc - we also wanted to continue with the same breed but get another color but at the time, none was available so we got the same color - they had 2 distinct personalities - later did the same thing (same color), we occasionally will call the new one by the previous one's name (yet they're totally different) but we correct ourselves and it happens less and less. When our first one passed, she was young and it was devastating but we knew it was coming, I wanted to get another very soon after but there were none available so we waited - this past time we waited a bit too, not b/c we werent ready but b/c we were getting ready to move and it was a little more complicated (plus we had another sr. dog), we went w/ a 3 yr old dog and she and the older girl get along wonderfully, both are fairly submissive and low-key in spite of the age difference and seem happy together (newer girl was well socialized and used to other dogs too, like the older one we have). Overall, it worked out very well and I'm sure it will for you too, best wishes.
Only you can decide if you are ready for another dog or not. It's important that you go through mourning but each person goes through it in their own way. Your wife surprising you was a nice gesture but you need to discuss with her whether or not it was the right one at the right time. You will always miss the black Lab who was with you for so long but time will dull the pain. And a new puppy might help you through it as long as you don't compare it to the old dog.
A few things that might help you through this are making a memory book about the dog that died and/or donating to a local shelter, rescue, or canine health foundation in his name (shelter/rescue donations do not have to be money).
Please let go of the guilt as you have nothing...get that NOTHING to feel gulity about. Death is a part of life and while it hurts to loose a loved one be it human or animal we all go through it. Getting and loving another dog does not in any way mean you love the first dog any less. I see it as you loved sharing life with a dog so much that you are willing to go through the pain again. The love and fun one has with a dog is so worth the pain of goodbye. I am in my mid 50's so have said good bye to many dogs in my life time and yes each time it hurt and when the time grew close I always wonder how am I going to get through it? But the next day the sun still comes up and life goes on and so do I. While yes it is very sad to loose a dog I have begun to realize that the real sadness would be in not having known all the great dogs that I have known as they are all such individuals and have gotten me through different periods of my life. Instead of letting the pain of good bye stop me from loving yet another dog I thank God that he has given me the gift of each and every dog that has blessed my life. Your late dog will always live on in your memories and in your heart so go ahead and let go of any guilt and enjoy the new puppy as it will not take long for it to steal your heart and become a major part of your life if you let it. ( and it will not lessen that love you had for your late dog ..you are not being unfaithful or cheating you are paying that love you had forward)
I had to put my dog Lad down two years ago. He was only ten, but had terrible arthritis. I swore I would never get another dog...I am 60 and worry I will not be able to care for another dog for its lifetime. I wound up getting a puppy, on impulse, that looked identical to my dear departed friend. I still feel enormous guilt. I feel I put Lad down too soon. I should have held out longer. To add insult to injury, here I am replacing him with another dog. It isn't the new dog's fault...he is a gem, but the guilt seems to only worsen with time. I even tried to give the new dog away several times, but no home was good enough, and the truth is I love him dearly. Geez, I don't know where I am going with this. You asked for advice and I am just venting. It is a very difficult decision. I wish you luck with your new pup. At least you didn't betray your other dog, as I feel I did.
You haven't betrayed or replaced your beloved dog. This is a new little soul, and you love him. No vet will put a dog down if it's not an appropriate time. (I have gone to my vet's office the next day for confirmation that I didn't ask for the wrong thing, or the right thing too early).
Many people have "a dog-shaped place in their heart." It is not a betrayal to love another dog. Wouldn't your late dear friend want you to add to that dog-shaped place, where he can only be a beloved memory? It's like being widowed (I guess; I've lost dogs, never been married). Someone who truly loves you would want you to be happy, as your late best friend does.
Let yourself love this new dog, as you say you do. Really, it is a good thing to love an animal.
Thanks brightdoglover and latetotheparty. I just read dashdog's post and I agree they are wise words. I simply can't seem to get beyond my grief. I do love Scout, my new dog...I can't believe it is already two years that I have had him. He is like my child and goes everywhere with me. But I still feel I put Lad down too soon, and will always feel that guilt. I feel that, subconsciously, I did it more for convenience than necessity...should have done more research into handicapped access and such. So getting a pup felt like such a betrayal. It is really hard for me to explain how I feel, other than enormously guilty. But I do not love Scout the less for it. I guess I just always question the wisdom of having gotten another dog, but without him, I would be much more lonely. Thanks for listening...feel like such a fool sometimes, and can't tell my friends.
I have tried to come to terms with this as well, that nagging feeling of a kind of disloyalty...but came away, with the thought and hope, that the angel I let go...has sent me this new angel to love...and it was my/our duty/privilege to love and care for another once again...in his honor. I've also called my new angel by his predecessors name...many times, and figured it was a message from above. Now...my sweetheart is almost eleven...and we are almost at the same point once again. This time, it's just us, our son has moved and we've decided to wait...a long time...before making that commitment again. It seems the pain is always equal to the love. And sometimes...it really is just too much to deal with.
I was inconsolable when I had to put my little Shih Tzu down. I'll never be over it and she was 15. I knew I'd eventually get another dog, but planned to wait around six months. It was the worst loss I've ever experienced, including humans. She was both my personal little old lady and like a child to me.
Within a month I was looking at ads for dogs needing homes - within two months I had my new dog. It was very hard. I felt like I knew a lot about dogs, but this was a one year old hound mix who was crazed and double the size. I wasn't sure I could handle it, really. Thank God for trainers. Anyway, I felt incredibly guilty both for betraying my shih tzu and because I was having a hard time bonding with new dog. I did bond with her though and now she's like my child too - when she goes the loss will be just as bad.
I think that my shih tzu would love that I have this dog - who knows, maybe she picked her out
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