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I promise no offense even if you suggest major revisions.
Harry arrived at a local shelter emaciated and has been gaining strength and weight since he was removed from his former home in March 2013. He received a death row reprieve and is seeking a family to call his own. Harry has great potential but requires an experienced owner. He is crate trained and working on house training and leash manners. He knows some basic commands. He is gentle with his foster family's preschoolers though of course any children in the home would need to learn to be kind to him. Harry would love a house with a properly introduced friendly canine companion but does have food aggression issues and must be fed separately. There should be no cats in the home.
Please consider Harry - he deserves a wonderful life after an unkind beginning.
Smokey was adopted from a local shelter as a small pup and returned at 9 months when his people developed allergies. He received an eleventh hour death row reprieve and is seeking his forever home. Smokey is an absolutely delightful boy - dog, cat, and children friendly - and never meets a stranger. He is crate trained and working on house training. He walks well on a leash and knows some basic commands. Smokey would love a house with a canine companion. He seems to have spent a great deal of time crated in the past as he appears to have some muscle wasting in his rear legs and has overall low muscle tone but he working on rebuilding strength.
Please consider him as a wonderful addition to your home.
I certainly would like to know any dog I was adopting had been abused. It would not keep me from a dog I really wanted but still, I would want to know.
Do you know any breed they might be or at least look like? Will you include a photo, weight, etc-long or short hair.
up to date on shots, fixed? Housetrained? use a doggy door? grooming required on flea and tick or heartworm meds?
For the first one I think you should stipulate no kids under 6 since Harry seems rather anxious.
I like Smokey's profile. For Harry, of course it's hard to strike a balance with being honest (a must!) and making the dog sound appealing (also a must if he's going to find a home). I'd try to think of another way to say that he has food aggression, not to hide the fact, but just using a less off-putting word. Like Harry doesn't feel comfortable with other dogs near his food and must be fed separately. Say that he is living with another dog and maybe mention what they do together so people know that yes, he really can live with another dog. I also don't like the word "potential". You know when you see a real estate ad that says "House needs updating" and you think, "oh I wonder if the roof is caving in?" People think small, nonspecific negatives in ads mean bigger problems. "Potential", to me, sounds like "This dog needs a ton of work". I'd accentuate his good points, if he's eager to learn and please you, I'd say so. Be honest, as you have, about what he doesn't know but is learning, like housebreaking. And GREAT pictures, of the dogs in relaxed mode, with toys, lying on their bed chilling, and just looking adorable, really get attention. Pics of them together or with a child would be good too.
I certainly would like to know any dog I was adopting had been abused. It would not keep me from a dog I really wanted but still, I would want to know.
I agree. That's in the detailed paragraph. But the closing "catch line" should be upbeat.
My eye went to "unkind" and I instantly thought the dog was unkind.
You have to take into consideration people who skim ads before deciding which ones to read closely.
Thank you all! I will edit and repost. Excellent suggestions - I want these boys to get the perfect home together. <---- Talk about Freudian. I did not intent to type together but was thinking how nice if they could remain together!
Thank you all! I will edit and repost. Excellent suggestions - I want these boys to get the perfect home together. <---- Talk about Freudian. I did not intent to type together but was thinking how nice if they could remain together!
Be sure to include a picture of both of them in each profile! It couldn't hurt!
Redo especially of Harry's. I would appreciate any more critiques.
Harry, a pit bull mix about two years of age, arrived at a local shelter emaciated and has been gaining strength and weight since he was removed from his former home in March 2013. He received a death row reprieve and is seeking a family to call his own. Harry is a wonderful boy and wants to please his foster family but requires an experienced owner. He is crate trained and working on house training and leash manners. He knows some basic commands. He is gentle with his foster family's preschoolers though probably would be happier with older children. Harry loves people! He would love a house with a properly introduced friendly canine companion - he currently is fostered with Smoky, also available for adoption, and they have great fun playing and relaxing together. He does not feel comfortable eating with other animals closeby and must be fed separately due to potential food aggression issues. (sound better to mention specifically or not?) There should be no cats in the home.
Please consider Harry - he deserves a wonderful life. He is up to date on all vaccinations and neutered.
Smokey, a black mouth cur mix, was adopted from a local shelter as a small pup and returned at 9 months in April of 2013 when his people developed allergies. He received an eleventh hour death row reprieve and is seeking his forever home. Smokey is an absolutely delightful boy - dog, cat, and children friendly - and never meets a stranger. He is crate trained and working on house training. He walks well on a leash and knows some basic commands. He is eager to please. Smokey would love a house with a canine companion - he currently is fostered with his new friend Harry, also available for adoption, and they generally get on famously. He seems to have spent a great deal of time crated in the past as he appears to have some muscle wasting in his rear legs and has overall low muscle tone but he working on rebuilding strength.
Please consider him as a wonderful addition to your home. He is up to date on all vaccinations and neutered.
Last edited by MobiusStrip; 05-07-2013 at 05:43 PM..
I disagree about trying to find a euphemism for food aggression. Just say it. Honesty is the best policy, and you want these guys going to owners that know up front what adjustments to the household routine are needed, and are willing to adopt them anyway.
I really like the other suggestions offered. The more specific you can be, the better a potential adopter can judge if the dog(s) are a good fit.
For example: "Harry weighs x pounds now and his goal is y. He's almost perfect on his Sit and does Down about half the time. He still forges ahead on a leash and would chase cats and squirrels if he were loose, but is becoming more attentive as he learns to trust his human. He lets his foster family's preschoolers touch him gently and rub his belly but becomes anxious if they scream and run around near him, so he would be happiest with kids over [age]." And so forth. Don't forget to put in the positive things too!
I really like your description of Smokey, and there's less to say because he probably has fewer "issues". How much does he weigh? Does he like to snuggle? Chase balls? Have a lot of puppy energy, or more laid-back?
I really like both of the new ones. They both sound like dogs that would be well worth checking out!
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Be sure to include a picture of both of them in each profile! It couldn't hurt!
