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We bought a puppy last year and waited too long...lo and behold the mop dog across the street jumped the fence. As soon as we realized "Giggles" was pregnant, we decided to take her in for an emergency spay. My nine-year old didn't take it very well. Once she know what happened she threw a huge temper tantrum and wouldn't talk to us for three days.
This all went down in June, and she still brings up Giggles' "abortion" whenever she's upset with us. Whenever she doesn't get her way, she still talks about those puppies. She only talks about this when she's upset about other things. We've told her over and over again that Giggles was too young too give birth and could have died. We've told her that we made a mistake by waiting too long to get her fixed, but there are too many dogs that don't have homes in the world anyway, and it would be wrong to contribute to that problem. Though we've tried to be patient, she still can't move past this. My main concern is whether she's still really grieving or if she's using the emergency spay as a scapegoat for other issues. Regardless, I'd like to help her move past this. Have any of you dealt with anything like that before? Thanks.
explain again, the dog is too young to have a baby, maybe say it would be like a kid of her age having a baby and not just one baby but many babies. go on pet finder and show her all the dogs people abandon or just can no longer keep. explain how this comes from people not being responsible and just allowing their pets to have litters without thought or plan. have her learn about proper breeding. why breeders pick certain animals to have babies. the only other thing you can add is it was a grown up decision and when she is older she will understand better. I would also tell her to put it away it isn't something she should continue to bring up again and again. good luck
We bought a puppy last year and waited too long...lo and behold the mop dog across the street jumped the fence. As soon as we realized "Giggles" was pregnant, we decided to take her in for an emergency spay. My nine-year old didn't take it very well. Once she know what happened she threw a huge temper tantrum and wouldn't talk to us for three days.
This all went down in June, and she still brings up Giggles' "abortion" whenever she's upset with us. Whenever she doesn't get her way, she still talks about those puppies. She only talks about this when she's upset about other things. We've told her over and over again that Giggles was too young too give birth and could have died. We've told her that we made a mistake by waiting too long to get her fixed, but there are too many dogs that don't have homes in the world anyway, and it would be wrong to contribute to that problem. Though we've tried to be patient, she still can't move past this. My main concern is whether she's still really grieving or if she's using the emergency spay as a scapegoat for other issues. Regardless, I'd like to help her move past this. Have any of you dealt with anything like that before? Thanks.
I would not have told my child that the dog or cat was pregnant. Children of course would have trouble with the idea that someone killed little defenseless puppies or kittens.
Since she knows, I think all you can do is explain how many puppies and kittens get euthanized because there aren't enough homes for them.
There may be some fears of death --- kids at that age are just beginning to understand the concept of death and their own mortality. I remember that was about the age I stayed at a friend's house who would say that Protestant bedtime prayer, "Now I lay me down to sleep....... if I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul will take" and it terrified me. I suddenly feared the dark and dying, I'd lay awake trying not to sleep.
I think it depends on what level of information your child understands. This is what I would tell my 8 year old, but not all 8 year olds could handle it: Giggles didn't get to decide if she wanted to get pregnant. The dog who lives behind us jumped the fence and didn't give Giggles a choice. Giggles was too young to have a litter of puppies because her own body was still growing. Since we are her owners, we had to decide. Should we make Giggles have the puppies even though she is a puppy herself? Or should we get her an operation, so that she didn't have puppies that she might not have been able to care for? We chose the operation, because it was better for Giggles, and because every day hundreds of dogs and cats are killed in shelters because there are too many cats and dogs. Only irresponsible people let their pets breed.
And then I would tell her, Cats and dogs are not like people. We are in charge of taking care of our pets and that means sometimes we have to make tough choices. If you got pregnant, we would not ever make that choice for you...you would have to decide. But Giggles is our pet, and we had to make the choice. Every time you get mad at me, you bring this up. I can't tell if you're really still upset or if you just want to hurt my feelings, but it was hard enough to do the right thing for Giggles without having you bring this up every time you get mad.
I'm not sure it's an age thing...my mom only found out this year that animal control spays all of the pregnant cats and dogs they pick up, and she was shocked and horrified that all those poor animals were being forced to have abortions.
We bought a puppy last year and waited too long...lo and behold the mop dog across the street jumped the fence. As soon as we realized "Giggles" was pregnant, we decided to take her in for an emergency spay. My nine-year old didn't take it very well. Once she know what happened she threw a huge temper tantrum and wouldn't talk to us for three days.
This all went down in June, and she still brings up Giggles' "abortion" whenever she's upset with us. Whenever she doesn't get her way, she still talks about those puppies. She only talks about this when she's upset about other things. We've told her over and over again that Giggles was too young too give birth and could have died. We've told her that we made a mistake by waiting too long to get her fixed, but there are too many dogs that don't have homes in the world anyway, and it would be wrong to contribute to that problem. Though we've tried to be patient, she still can't move past this. My main concern is whether she's still really grieving or if she's using the emergency spay as a scapegoat for other issues. Regardless, I'd like to help her move past this. Have any of you dealt with anything like that before? Thanks.
I think your daughter is doing both. I am sure when she found out her dog was pregnant she was excited and thinking about little puppies running around and happy about that. She is likely angry at you for taking the dog to the vet and "killing the puppies". That is understandable, but you explained it well and she should be getting past this now. The fact that she throws it in your face when when she doesn't get her way or is upset is something that should not be encouraged or fed into at all. She could continue like this for how long if it isn't put to an end.
Personally, I guess I wouldn't lean so heavily on the points of Giggles not having a choice, Giggles not being ready to be a mom, and pet overpopulation, and instead simply say that it made you sad too, but that Giggles was too young/small to deliver puppies safely and that if you hadn't gotten the spay, you likely would've lost Giggles too. I think the earlier points are fair and true. I think an adult would understand them. But I think a child who may have a more emotional and less logical reaction to it is likely picturing murdered puppies. I think it may help to not present it so much as a "do we have these puppies or not" choice (because probably she has friends and school with dogs who had oops litters) and more of a "this happened, we didn't want Giggles to die, and we made the better of the bad choices" angle. I would emphasize that it was hard for you too, that you wish you hadn't had to do it either, and that you are sad about it also, but that you didn't want Giggles to die. I also wonder if she is reacting this way (continuing to bring it up) because she feels unheard, like she is the only one sad about it. I wonder if showing her you are sad about it might help her to feel part of a sad family event, rather than an unheard person who is grieving alone. Good luck.
We bought a puppy last year and waited too long...lo and behold the mop dog across the street jumped the fence. As soon as we realized "Giggles" was pregnant, we decided to take her in for an emergency spay. My nine-year old didn't take it very well. Once she know what happened she threw a huge temper tantrum and wouldn't talk to us for three days.
This all went down in June, and she still brings up Giggles' "abortion" whenever she's upset with us. Whenever she doesn't get her way, she still talks about those puppies. She only talks about this when she's upset about other things. We've told her over and over again that Giggles was too young too give birth and could have died. We've told her that we made a mistake by waiting too long to get her fixed, but there are too many dogs that don't have homes in the world anyway, and it would be wrong to contribute to that problem. Though we've tried to be patient, she still can't move past this. My main concern is whether she's still really grieving or if she's using the emergency spay as a scapegoat for other issues. Regardless, I'd like to help her move past this. Have any of you dealt with anything like that before? Thanks.
Personally, I would never bring up, "too many puppies in the world" to her again. I would flat out tell her that you and her dad had a TERRIBLE decision to make....that you had to make a choice between the life of Giggles or those fertilized eggs. Perhaps you can show her an ultrasound on the Web, of the blown up, microscopic size of fertilized eggs, before they look like puppies. She's probably got a picture in her mind of fully developed, ready-to-be-born puppies. She needs to know that wasn't the case, okay?
This is a great opportunity for your daughter to learn many lessons.
1) Dog ownership comes with great responsibilities. You keep them from getting pregnant, by either getting them "fixed" or keeping them confined. Sh*t happens...she got tagged!
2) Getting pregnant too young, whether you're a dog, a cat or a human, can be deadly. (She's plenty old enough for "the talk"). Let her know, everytime she brings it up (to manipulate you), that you're going to have "a talk".
3) Lesson 3? Learn from it. Don't repeat the mistake. Get past it. Stop using an event that happened a long time ago, as a stupid weapon of manipulation.
Me? Hell, I was raised on a farm. My kids would have heard, "This is what's gonna happen....we need to end this pregnancy NOW, before the puppies turn INto puppies. We made a mistake and didn't realize that Giggles could get pregnant so soon....NOW, in order to save her life, we have to have the vet take those eggs out of her, before they can grow into puppies. Do you understand what I'm saying?" If there were any questions....they would be answered and it would be OVER.
Make it "over". Pour out all the facts, cut and dried and let her know that it was a decision which HAD to be made. Sometimes in life, we have to make horrible....TOUGH choices. There are consequences to every action and this was a consequence of ignorance and irresponsibility. She is 9 years old, part of that responsibility ....for the dog, SHOULD be hers. Pregnancy was not prevented, therefore...her life was at risk and you had to make that choice. Period.
mod cut I would never, ever have said we were taking the dog in to have an abortion. If my child knew the dog was pregnant, we simply would have "taken the dog in to have those eggs removed, before they turned into puppies, so that Giggles didn't die". We would not be "allowing the vet to kill our puppies". We would be getting eggs out of Giggles so they wouldn't grow and kill her.
Last edited by Sam I Am; 11-28-2013 at 05:45 AM..
Reason: orphaned
Personally, I would never bring up, "too many puppies in the world" to her again. I would flat out tell her that you and her dad had a TERRIBLE decision to make....that you had to make a choice between the life of Giggles or those fertilized eggs. Perhaps you can show her an ultrasound on the Web, of the blown up, microscopic size of fertilized eggs, before they look like puppies. She's probably got a picture in her mind of fully developed, ready-to-be-born puppies. She needs to know that wasn't the case, okay?
This is a great opportunity for your daughter to learn many lessons.
1) Dog ownership comes with great responsibilities. You keep them from getting pregnant, by either getting them "fixed" or keeping them confined. Sh*t happens...she got tagged!
2) Getting pregnant too young, whether you're a dog, a cat or a human, can be deadly. (She's plenty old enough for "the talk"). Let her know, everytime she brings it up (to manipulate you), that you're going to have "a talk".
3) Lesson 3? Learn from it. Don't repeat the mistake. Get past it. Stop using an event that happened a long time ago, as a stupid weapon of manipulation.
Me? Hell, I was raised on a farm. My kids would have heard, "This is what's gonna happen....we need to end this pregnancy NOW, before the puppies turn INto puppies. We made a mistake and didn't realize that Giggles could get pregnant so soon....NOW, in order to save her life, we have to have the vet take those eggs out of her, before they can grow into puppies. Do you understand what I'm saying?" If there were any questions....they would be answered and it would be OVER.
Make it "over". Pour out all the facts, cut and dried and let her know that it was a decision which HAD to be made. Sometimes in life, we have to make horrible....TOUGH choices. There are consequences to every action and this was a consequence of ignorance and irresponsibility. She is 9 years old, part of that responsibility ....for the dog, SHOULD be hers. Pregnancy was not prevented, therefore...her life was at risk and you had to make that choice. Period.
If she sees a picture of the tiny dot like fertilized eggs (maybe real size, not blown up) she can easily see that IMHO they were not tiny little perfectly formed newborn size puppies, like she is probably imagining. Add that to your concern about saving the life of your dog, because she was too tiny and too young to have that happen to her.
Once you do that, really listen to your daughter, and then drop the subject as she is probably milking it for attention. Or if she brings it up again, show how the photo of the tiny little blobs each much smaller than a pea to remind her nonverbally that they were not living, breathing animals that were removed.
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