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I adopted a dog on Wed. She's a mini-pin/chi mix, total sweetheart. Was a family decision (I'm a caregiver to both parents atm.), but now there's a massive glitch in it.
My mom was at a live-in rehabilitation facility, due to having a stroke several weeks ago. She's not always been the most stable person, but was mostly well-behaved and definitely not agressive/violent. She was *FINE* in the rehab facility, however, now that she's home, she's not. She's not *my* mom, she's like this angry, aggressive stranger in my mother's body. I'm not worried that she would get violent with me or my father, but I'm not sure about the dog.
I'm sitting here crying because I'm so worried. I don't know what to do. I don't *want* to return the dog, but at the same time, I'm not sure it's safe for her here with my mother like this. And I don't know when or if my mother will come back to being "normal" either, or if this may be her new normal. (Thre are no new/different meds, and she didn't act this way IN the facility, but her doctor thinks it may be due to frustration over the changes brought on by the stroke.)
I don't even know if you can return a dog to the shelter here. What the hell can I do, is it better to try and return her, or to wait and see if mom snaps out of it (but in the meantime I'm worried sick that she's going to hurt it when I'm not around). In the meantime to all this, I'm having to keep her (the dog) crated when i'm not close by, simply for the fact that she will seek out the nearest person for affection... when my mom has made it *very* clear she doesn't want the animal near her at all.
They gave her Ativan for anxiety, but that was all. I don't think she was ready, it was more her pushing them to release her (she was in 2 different ones, one out of state that transferred her closer to home, but the one close to home wasn't very well equipped for her needs.)
It's so frustrating. We made it a point to show her pics of the dog, and made sure she was ok with adopting it, and she seemed excited about it... until she came home and the dog was here, then it was like she didn't know anything about it and didn't understand why it was here. And my mom has always loved animals, cats, dogs, birds, hell we had pet squirrels and a possum when I was a kid! She had her manic moments (but don't we all?), but they usually ended in laughter or "angry baking"(3am, making a cake, cause she's pissed at... something we kids did. THAT was the norm growing up, not yelling and shoving the dog off the bed).
I feel like a horrible person for the whole situation, how could I have brought this sweet little pup into this mess. -.-
I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. Please take the dog back. It sounds like your mom is not stable and the dog could be easily hurt and it doesn't deserve that. Most shelters will take pets back. I know it will be tough but the sooner you do it the better.
Doesn't make me feel less of a horrid person, but you're right. She deserves so much better than this, she deserves safety and love, not fear of my mother and confusion about it. Still makes me feel horrid for her, and in a way for my mom. I think part of her realizes that she's changed, and that just adds to her frustration.
I feel like I should have known better than to adopt her. I wonder if they'll let me sponsor her til she's readopted now -.-'
A shelter or rescue should always be a last resort since people who relinquish animals there are creating a bourdon on society costing them a lot of money. Unless it is an emergency, you can always place ads and keep her until you find a good home. If you must return her to the shelter asap, please offer to pay for her expenses until she is adopted.
Just a thought - do you think the dog can learn quickly to stay away from your mother? Unless this is a dense dog, dogs are normally smart enough to learn who to stay away from. Just like when there are grumpy dogs at a dog park. The grumpy dog makes it clear to the other dogs that they need to leave him/her alone, and the dogs learn quickly to do so.
Remember, dogs are pack animals. And learn to deal with different levels of authority, grumpiness, whatever you want to call it.
Perhaps you can get a dog trainer to help you teach this dog to leave Mom alone.
And BTW, dogs like their crates, as a rule, as long as you don't leave them in there for an unreasonable amount of time. Just give the dog it's treats in the crate - only. Or a favorite toy is only given when they're in the crate. This is how I train my dogs to love their crates. Until they love their crates, it's the only place they get any treats.
Anyway, unless you think your mom would actually seek the dog out to harm it, I don't see training the dog to stay away from your Mom as insurmountable. And crating in-between wonderful times with you, doesn't sound bad to me for the dog at all.
I'm thinking that this dog may be something wonderful for you, while going through this time dealing with caretaking your challenging mother. What a lovely excuse to leave the house, eh? Hey, Mom, gotta go walk the dog....again...
Just a thought, FWIW.
If dealing with the dog adds too much stress to your life, then by all means send it off to another home, and don't feel bad about it.
The shelter she was adopted from specifically requests that if there is an issue in the first 2 weeks, you must contact them. And that any transfer (i.e. if I find her another home), it must be ok'd by them if it's within 6 weeks. (They required a background check before I could adopt, and I had to have an interview as well as meet the dog twice, at different times of day.)
I'm not sure they'll let me pay her expenses directly, but I've seen pets "sponsored" by people through them which amounts to pretty much the same thing. We've already paid the fee for her to be chipped and spayed (already got the chip and first checkup, spaying is set for Monday) with our vet, and she'll have her toys and kennel/carrier, as well as various treats/food/supplies that will go along with her.
I spoke with someone from the shelter, and they are willing to take her. Right now she's asleep beside my bed, and I'm hoping that tomorrow might bring a better calm to everyone. It was the first *full* day with the dog and my mom being at home. Maybe one or the other was a little overexcited *cough*mom*cough*, and maybe tomorrow will be a better gauge of how they will interact.
I've never been a praying woman, but I'm damn sure praying tonight.
Right now she's asleep beside my bed, and I'm hoping that tomorrow might bring a better calm to everyone. It was the first *full* day with the dog and my mom being at home. Maybe one or the other was a little overexcited *cough*mom*cough*, and maybe tomorrow will be a better gauge of how they will interact.
I've never been a praying woman, but I'm damn sure praying tonight.
Hang in there and maybe give it another week or so.
Nomoresnowforme is right, dogs are very adaptive when it comes to interacting with their pack. They quickly learn to avoid certain family members like toddlers, or adults who do not like them, and gravitate to other people.
Maybe everyone is just a little stressed right now, and the family/pack dynamics need some time to settle down.
Keeping the dog around Mom would be Very stressful to the dog. It sounds like your mom is going thru a LOT excepting her new limits. I 1 suggest you return the dog 2 get mom help counselor some one she can talk to or some one that can talk to her... maybe they been thru it?
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