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Old 11-01-2010, 09:25 PM
 
8,582 posts, read 14,456,819 times
Reputation: 11291

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In summary we are at a very different place financially than we were 3 years ago because of a lost business & series of medical issues.
We are adjusting and working on a plan to stay ahead of things .Trying to be proactive to make the changes we need to to stay healthy financially.

What bugs me is that hubby doesn't get it when it comes to our budget.
It turns it into a parent /child thing where he wants things we can't buy
and then I feel like a controlling person to constantly say no.
I try to approach it like a team and we seem on the same page but
he wants to "cheat" on our budget the next day.

Does anyone else have this problem?? Ideas??
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Old 11-01-2010, 09:32 PM
 
Location: North of the border!
662 posts, read 1,140,728 times
Reputation: 1302
Been there done that, I heard "Everyone has debt" or "I work, I should be able to spend" or "you're just trying to control me". From my other posts you see we had other, lots of "OTHER" issues but in the end money was like sex, a bad thing to talk about. You have to come to an agreement.
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Old 11-01-2010, 10:04 PM
 
8,582 posts, read 14,456,819 times
Reputation: 11291
I think my best hope is to force him to sit down and
help me get the money to balance with the spending
and decide exact amounts for each category.

I say force because he goes to great lengths to avoid
any money talks. I deal with the stress by planning
and he deals by avoiding .
Once we have hard cold numbers I can refer him too the
big bad budget to see whether we can afford extra things.

One big issue is the food budget because with me working full time and him at home he says he will cook but he doesn't and then we spend more to pick up food.
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Old 11-02-2010, 09:30 AM
 
8,265 posts, read 11,240,099 times
Reputation: 4788
I read financial issues are far and away the #1 source of conflict among couples, so you aren't alone.

You guys have to come to agreement, if you don't it will only get worse and frustration will only grow affecting your relationship and financial health.

Good luck kelly.
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Old 11-02-2010, 10:45 AM
 
Location: Sverige och USA
702 posts, read 2,870,934 times
Reputation: 418
I think your plan of sitting down and laying it all out is a good one. Try to approach it as a team effort to tackle the debt. Set realistic goals that you both can agree on, for example, cut debt by $2000 in 3 months and then have a small reward like dinner out etc. You can also make a list of wants and save for them if possible.
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Old 11-02-2010, 10:53 AM
 
2,038 posts, read 3,905,472 times
Reputation: 3194
Sorry to hear about your stresses, but I think you're on the right path. Find a way to sit down and discuss the budget weekly (don't force him, just insist!) Make sure and ask one another what your (reasonable) spending priorities are. Make sure he has some input.

If he won't stick to the budget after sitting down and agreeing on one, your problems are larger than money.
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Old 11-02-2010, 11:54 AM
 
25,627 posts, read 32,823,691 times
Reputation: 23168
Your issues have nothing to do with money or budgets. Its about the relationship and each partners behaviors that impact it. Money issues just amplify the problem like a megaphone. Deal with the behaviors each of you brings to the table.

You must also be prepared to define ultimatums if you feel his behaviors are irreconcilable. You may need outside help. There are a ton of excellent self help books and community programs available to help couples deal with these problems. Just understand millions of couples are dealing with the same issues. You are not alone.

Good Luck.
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Old 11-02-2010, 01:53 PM
 
Location: Backwoods of Maine
7,321 posts, read 9,061,629 times
Reputation: 20143
Quote:
Originally Posted by bulldogdad View Post
You may need outside help.
I agree that outside help is the key to it.

As long as it's just the two of you, this struggle will continue. After all, you are both adults, and each of you thinks that you are right. It may be that neither of you are 100% correct.
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Old 11-02-2010, 01:56 PM
 
Location: NW Montana
6,258 posts, read 13,498,686 times
Reputation: 3437
Quote:
Originally Posted by kelly237 View Post
In summary we are at a very different place financially than we were 3 years ago because of a lost business & series of medical issues.
We are adjusting and working on a plan to stay ahead of things .Trying to be proactive to make the changes we need to to stay healthy financially.

What bugs me is that hubby doesn't get it when it comes to our budget.
It turns it into a parent /child thing where he wants things we can't buy
and then I feel like a controlling person to constantly say no.
I try to approach it like a team and we seem on the same page but
he wants to "cheat" on our budget the next day.

Does anyone else have this problem?? Ideas??
Can you pay the bills and give him an "allowance"
I know it sounds juvenile but maybe he doesn't want to have to think about it. I did not say it was fair but it might work
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