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I think there is one thing missing from the comments on this thread. Ever since I was a young child I knew I wanted kids and that never changed into adulthood. When I hit 30, I realized I needed to get on it. We're not in the best financial situation, but we're doing well. I've only been a mother for 4 months, but it's already brought so many joys that money just cannot buy.
Before the baby, I remember waking up on the weekends thinking there is nothing I want to do but spend time with my child; and on the weekdays I would wake up thinking "what the heck am I doing all this for." I lost motivation and no high end vacation or BMW would bring it back to me. Yes we have debt that our income isn't extremely high, but it's good enough. I make smart choices, stay on a budget and we'll have the debt knocked out before she's 4. Then we can take the really cool vacations that she'll remember.
At the end, it's not all about money. There are so many things in life that you would miss out on if all you had on your mind was dollar signs.
I think about what we would do on half of our income and we would make it just fine. We wouldn't be able to come up to NY a few times a year to see grandma or eat take out a few times a week like we do, but we'd still make it. You'd be surprised how little you need when that's the only option you have.
Not necessarily. My mother-in-law watches our kids. Our oldest goes to daycare/school two days a week to get the social interaction with other kids she needs. They aren't raised by strangers. And my wife works 12 hour night shifts 3 days a week so she's often home with them during the day, too. Maybe we're an exception, but it is certainly possible to have two incomes and not let strangers raise your kids.
I agree with your last statement to a large degree. I don't agree the first statement would be a "proper" childhood. That's a lot of fluff that's not needed
It takes money to give a child a happy childhood.
I'd like to know the definition of "fluff" in your eyes. What I listed is fairly basic.
100K for large metropolitan areas and 75K gross incomes for others for a couple to have a family is not unreasonable. I see it being a struggle otherwise. It called an obligation to your children not to have money problems and taking steps to make them happy instead.
Not necessarily. My mother-in-law watches our kids. Our oldest goes to daycare/school two days a week to get the social interaction with other kids she needs. They aren't raised by strangers. And my wife works 12 hour night shifts 3 days a week so she's often home with them during the day, too. Maybe we're an exception, but it is certainly possible to have two incomes and not let strangers raise your kids.
We currently have the same arrangement, I work days, partner works nights. It's doable, difficult, but doable.
I'd like to know the defination of "fluff" in your eyes. What I listed is fairly basic.
100K for large metropolitan areas and 75K gross incomes for others for a couple to have a family is not unreasonable. I see it being a struggle otherwise.
That's where you learn to make sacrifices. You rarely go out to eat, you don't go out to the movies or concerts except on special occasions. My kids are still little, oldest is 2, and won't need any kind of summer camp for a while. Family vacations to spectacular places aren't worth much yet because they won't remember it anyway. We may have a small house but we have a yard and a large park just down the street. The people I know with large houses have separate playrooms for their kids. I prefer ours because our kids are playing out in the living room where we spend all of our time instead of in some separate room away from us. Sure, we have toys scattered about everywhere but who cares? Combined, my wife and I make a little less than $70k a year living in the Indianapolis metro. We aren't in danger of going broke.
I'd like to know the definition of "fluff" in your eyes. What I listed is fairly basic.
100K for large metropolitan areas and 75K gross incomes for others for a couple to have a family is not unreasonable. I see it being a struggle otherwise. It called an obligation to your children not to have money problems.
Let me tell you something. My mother is a rather cold individual who wanted boys. When she had a girl, she wasn't too happy about that. Then she divorced my father, had a boy and I was the "third wheel." Step-dad treated me like crap, mother ignored everything he did and doted over my brother. I always felt like I didn't belong. She didn't encourage me to pursue any of my interests, never attended any of my events, criticized and judged me. And guess what? We had money, cars, vacations, house with a yard. There never seemed to be enough money for me, but that's beside the point. I would trade it all to have had my mother do things with me. To encourage me to pursue my interests and for her to take interest in it with me. To defend me on occasion from the sh*t my step father did/said. To help me a bit through this life with her guidance, rather than judge and criticize every decision I made. That's all I needed and that's what money can't buy.
We currently have the same arrangement, I work days, partner works nights. It's doable, difficult, but doable.
Honestly, I'd find it more difficult if we both worked during the day. If we both had 8-5 Mon-Fri jobs, we'd need a sitter much longer and more days of the week. As it is, we usually just need one 2, maybe 3 days a week at most and only until 2 or 3 in the afternoon.
Honestly, I'd find it more difficult if we both worked during the day. If we both had 8-5 Mon-Fri jobs, we'd need a sitter much longer and more days of the week. As it is, we usually just need one 2, maybe 3 days a week at most and only until 2 or 3 in the afternoon.
Yeah we don't use a sitter at all. My partner's mother works full time during the day as well, so she's available to help us on weekends only and my parents are in another state. So far so good. When I said difficult, I meant that there are days when I rush home from work and she rushes out the door past me to her job. Those days we both don't get a break. We have Saturdays off and have made a point to do nothing on that day except spend time together with the baby and that's what gets me through the rest of the week.
Let me tell you something. My mother is a rather cold individual who wanted boys. When she had a girl, she wasn't too happy about that. Then she divorced my father, had a boy and I was the "third wheel." Step-dad treated me like crap, mother ignored everything he did and doted over my brother. I always felt like I didn't belong. She didn't encourage me to pursue any of my interests, never attended any of my events, criticized and judged me. And guess what? We had money, cars, vacations, house with a yard. There never seemed to be enough money for me, but that's beside the point. I would trade it all to have had my mother do things with me. To encourage me to pursue my interests and for her to take interest in it with me. To defend me on occasion from the sh*t my step father did/said. To help me a bit through this life with her guidance, rather than judge and criticize every decision I made. That's all I needed and that's what money can't buy.
I do agree it's no guarantee. It also sounds like we had similar childhoods but mine was a constant struggle with money and two biological parents. I should have never been born and I still feel that way today. I kind of wish it never happened and it's a main reason why I never wanted them.
I also had a very unhappy childhood which included violence. Countless times my father beat my mother up right in front of me. He beat me up too. This was mostly due to frustration about money issues so I speak from experience that good incomes and money in the bank is the best way to go.
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