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I guess this is more of a moral/ethical question: how do you refuse money to someone, especially a friend?
I guess everyone will say "just say no", but how have you come to this personal pride and comfort in yourself that you can simply refuse?
A so called friend of mine took 250 dollars from me and disappeared. He refused to acknowledge me. To this day I keep thinking over it and my blood books. I will someday hunt him down and hire goons to beat the crap out of him. It isn't the money, but the trust factor. It pains me.
But this isn't about my dilemma. I want to be strong. I wonder if rich people have sponges hovering around them. What do you do? Always. What is your conviction.
My parents are rich, I'm not but my husband and I are fairly successful and we do have rich friends.
My dad doesn't lend money to anyone. For anything. In case of a medical emergency, he would bail out a family member and has done this but has said that he will give it as a gift. Loaning family members money is always a bad idea.
I don't lend money out and only one person has ever asked me. I'll give it as a gift, but will not lend.
Borrowing or lending money to friends and family is always a bad idea.
Just stating, "I don't lend money" is all you need to say.
I've loaned money to siblings and vice-versa... some would say that is what family is for?
We bought some property together and the last time I wanted to make an all cash offer on a home and didn't exactly have several hundred thousand laying around...
He agreed if my all cash offer was accepted to advance me 200k against his home equity line of credit and did... I had him paid back in 30 days from the sale of my home...
He was in a similar situation last month and said if he needed 250k for 6 weeks could I get an advance on my HELOC and I said not a problem... his offer was not accepted and that was the end of it...
I know a lot of my Asian friends use the "Family" bank all the time when it comes to Real Estate... four or five family members working together can move quickly if the deal makes sense.
I guess this is more of a moral/ethical question: how do you refuse money to someone, especially a friend?
I guess everyone will say "just say no", but how have you come to this personal pride and comfort in yourself that you can simply refuse?
A so called friend of mine took 250 dollars from me and disappeared. He refused to acknowledge me. To this day I keep thinking over it and my blood books. I will someday hunt him down and hire goons to beat the crap out of him. It isn't the money, but the trust factor. It pains me.
But this isn't about my dilemma. I want to be strong. I wonder if rich people have sponges hovering around them. What do you do? Always. What is your conviction.
I have rarely loaned money to friends or family and when I did it was small amounts and I gave it as a "gift" not expecting to get it back. I'm not "rich" by any means and not even "middle class" but still have people wanting to borrow money. Not long ago my grandson asked to borrow $350 to help him and his wife move and they PROMISED they'd pay it back right away. I haven't heard a word from them since. I didn't have to take it out of savings but still... Now I have to turn into a 'nag'. One thing is for sure...if you have people who 'bug you' all the time just loan them money and they won't do it anymore!
When my mom was first widowed she had plenty of money to live quite a long time but she had kids and grandkids who figured she was "good for it" and borrowed money constantly. She wouldn't turn them down because they gave her "good stories"...kids medical needs and such. By the time she passed away not ONE of those leeches had been around for a good long time, never came to visit or call, etc.. Ungrateful brats.
I am not rich by any means but comfortable at barely 6 figures. I have one relative who is always whining about having no money but is not doing anything about it so I'm not about to donate to her laziness. It doesn't bother me in the least, people need to help themselves before asking for help from others. On the other hand, my parents on Social Security only are struggling but would never ask, and I help them out despite their protests. Not loans, but just help and I make it clearthat it's not to be paid back.
I did that a lot for my mom. Her SS wasn't enough to really 'live on' but she owned her home outright so that helped. Still she had a hard time always paying her utilities in full and I'd go pay them. I didn't mind at all. She rarely ever asked for anything and I figured it was the least I could do. I also paid for repairs on both our homes sometimes. I don't regret a cent.
If you can't afford to give as a gift, you probably don't want to lend to anyone, even family members.
Have paid back taxes for a family member's house...which ultimately got foreclosed anyways. C'est la vie, I have no expectations of ever getting that money back, in that it was a gift.
I sent my sister money to pay her property taxes last year...as a 'gift', not a loan...but then I found out she spent it on "other stuff" so I won't be doing that again. I guess she got the taxes paid since she still owns the place. Even if I don't expect/want it back I'd like to see them use it for what it was intended.
Only one person has ever asked me for money, and I barely knew her (my silly solution was to say I'd think about it, then never got back to her.)
So I'd say: Get a better set of friends - the sort of people who'd never ask anyone for money.
No one in my extended family has ever asked (I can't imagine it) but if they did I'd make it a loan, discuss terms fair to both, and have the terms of the loan in writing, signed by both parties.
Charities are the worst, though. So now I have just settled on two specific areas of giving. If the charity isn't in my area of giving, I just tell them that. If they are, I look them up on www.charitynavigator.org and see what I think.
People who ask to borrow money are MOOCHES who have no respect for you or themselves in the first place. Next time someone asks to borrow money say no. Then I'll bet they have the gall to give you the guilt trip. That's when you know for sure that they are not your friend.
I guess this is more of a moral/ethical question: how do you refuse money to someone, especially a friend?
I guess everyone will say "just say no", but how have you come to this personal pride and comfort in yourself that you can simply refuse?
A so called friend of mine took 250 dollars from me and disappeared. He refused to acknowledge me. To this day I keep thinking over it and my blood books. I will someday hunt him down and hire goons to beat the crap out of him. It isn't the money, but the trust factor. It pains me.
But this isn't about my dilemma. I want to be strong. I wonder if rich people have sponges hovering around them. What do you do? Always. What is your conviction.
I'm not RICH but I'm doing well financially, in the top 8% - 10% of the country (if that matters lol).
You want to give every single one of your incoming dollars a "place to go". You have a budget, expense and spending management sheet with EVERY SINGLE DOLLAR being spent on a monthly and annual basis.
This allows you to see your spending (measure) and manage your spending. Measurement and Management = Cost Reduction. All of the left-over monies that's not needed for spending should be going into your Investment/Retirement Accounts with full diversification (monies in conservative accounts, moderate accounts and high yield accounts).
Now, with that being said, how do you tell someone NO when they ask you for money? You tell them that you don't HAVE ANY. Tell them that your money is going to X, Y and Z so you don't have any excess money hanging around. Matter of fact, tell them you don't CARRY MONEY, you only carry plastic.
Lastly, I want you to tell them to get their mooching, entitled, lazy, and manipulating keister OUT of your life because you don't hang around losers who ask people for money instead of asking them for opportunity
Nobody asks me for money bc I don't hang out with classless deadbeats.
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