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All families are different, I was lucky to know that I would not receive any inheritance early on. I was surprised that at my mothers funeral, my step-father informed me that I would receive a $75K annuity upon his dead. But he would be receiving a monthly amount from the annuity until that time.
I was more surprised to receive a call from him and his son, accusing me of stealing his annuity. Apparently he received all the money over the years from the annuity and nothing was remaining.
I explained that I had no info about the money or what bank or institution held his money. They called back a second time with the same accusations. I finally told them to F off, I don't need his money.
Before my Mother died, she told me that she had $10,000 set aside for me, but I would have to wait until my step dad died.
When he died, my half sister and her husband had already stolen his house and taken all his money.
All I got was a note from them saying he died of cancer.
They got a new house in a fancy suburb.
And gave a lot of money to their Jesus cult.
My husband is the youngest of 3 children. When his mom had a stroke 15 yrs ago, he, I and our children moved in with his mom to take care of her so she wouldn't have to go to a home. She had a caregiver during the day as we worked, and we took care of her for the last 15 years.
My BIL has come out occasionally to do things with her, but would not "take care" of her. SIL who has never been married, moved in 3 years ago saying she wanted to take care of her, but really just hated her job in GA and wanted to move.
MIL only has the house and it is supposed to be split between the kids. BIL asked hubby and SIL to "buy out" his part of the house and they declined as if MIL has to go to memory center as her dementia gets worse, SIL and hubby are on hook for that money.
SIL is tired of being here and probably will move. Husband won't move as he is worried about SIL (who is POA but not on MIL's accounts) screwing him out of the $ for the house.
This is why when you start helping an elder, you make your expectations clear from the beginning. If we had to do it over, we would told her what we would have been willing to do but none of us thought she would live as long as she has. BIL is well off but wants us to sell house to pay off his house so he can retire. SIL sold her house and well off also. Hubby and I are not. I just hope that the house doesn't have to be sold to put her in a nursing home if she gets too hard to take care of (she's difficult now). If we hadn't moved in they wouldn't have gotten anything. MIL did put something in her trust saying we could live here for a year after she died, but I know siblings and they will want house sold ASAP.
I really don't expect anything from anyone (even my dad) but when you take care of someone and allow them to stay in their home because you are the only one willing to help them out, that should be appreciated. I know this sounds bad but I am really hesitant after this experience to give up any more of my life for caregiving of any parents. The financial and caregiving responsibilities are just too much. I want to be enjoying my empty nest with my husband but we can't. And since my parents are in their 70's, I'm worried that I'll die poor taking care of them at my expense. Not that I don't love my parents - but honestly.... I'm just worn out after 15 years :-(
Last edited by Saturngoddess; 08-04-2018 at 02:32 AM..
Parents or not, if you’re too stupid to save for your own retirement you get zero sympathy from me. Kids aren’t nurses, they aren’t servants, be prepared for your own retirement and save accordingly.
my late husband and I decided against inheritances just for that reason. I absolutely hate the assumption that this country has that every thing in life with kids has to be "fair". and the kids expectation that they are "owed" something.
We have told our young adults children that our money is exactly that. OUR money. we have charities that we support and will leave the bulk of our estate to them.
During their life time they have gotten. college education without loans, cars, vacations and various financial help. Now they are going to get an attitude because they think their inheritances aren't fair?? are you kidding me!!
op, it's only a decisive issue if you make it one. Your parents left you a gift, they were under no obligation to do so.
This right here^^^^^
We have a relative on my wife’s side that we have specifically written out of our trust. Not everyone gets money and if they do nobody gets to live it up on our dime. A good amount will go to charities. It’s still my money until it’s given away.
It’s really disgusting when people think they somehow deserve the inheritance or it’s theirs because they are family.
Last edited by Electrician4you; 08-04-2018 at 08:42 AM..
If taking care of your aging parents is your full time job - either enjoy it or put them in a nursing home. Making your live miserable for decades by not placing them in a care facility where they belong so you can eek out some inheritance money from keeping their house until they die is a fools game.
No one ever gets what they think they "should." It's a messy situation. I think you have to be grateful for what you have and what you "get" or spend many years brooding over the unfairness of it. Many families have messed up dynamics and are dysfunctional on a spectrum. Inheritance drama is another symptoms of that.
My husband's family had all of that going on.
Everyone wants to be treated fairly and everyone wants unconditional love from their parents. Not all parents are capable of it. Then, you have the situation where one of their children is a real problem, could be irresponsibility, drugs, alcohol, a felon, estrangement, multiple problems, etc. Do you leave equal amounts to all children then ? It's complicated stuff.
Last edited by Nanny Goat; 08-11-2018 at 07:18 AM..
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