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Old 05-19-2022, 09:08 AM
9,270 posts, read 6,423,526 times
Reputation: 12460


The OP has not participated since posts #1 and #3 in the thread. I suspect he does not like any of the advice offered.
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Old 05-20-2022, 11:24 AM
Location: Phoenix, AZ
20,461 posts, read 14,785,655 times
Reputation: 39689
Originally Posted by AtkinsonDan View Post
The OP has not participated since posts #1 and #3 in the thread. I suspect he does not like any of the advice offered.
Still worth chipping for some perhaps because they won't be the only person having this kind of problem.

I had it. I admit I had it. The pressure to "be a good parent" is unbelievable. What I dearly wish that I'd understood sooner is that what my kids really valued, needed and wanted the most was quality time with me. There was one Christmas where the military was moving us across the country (we literally arrived on Christmas eve at 8pm at our new place after like 4 days on the road.) My kids were used to the big, flashy holidays with piles of gifts, a totally decked out house, a feast and the works. I felt like I "had to make the magic happen." That year was decidedly NOT magical and there was nothing I could do about it. My sons were age 6 and 8 and I told them that year that Santa was a story, not real. Because it killed me to think that they might believe they were getting less because they weren't good.

I told them that the gifts and everything were provided by their family members who love them very much. We had very little unpacked and very few gifts to give each other. Not even much food because nothing was open, just what little we brought in a cooler.

My youngest told me it was the best Christmas he ever had because he got a new home and he got to go on an adventure.

The stuff doesn't matter anywhere near as much as most American parents are crushed and brainwashed into thinking. We really need to find ways to cut spending by thinking outside the box on what could be done creatively and free instead. Instead of these scheduled extracurriculars, spend time playing with your kid at the park, maybe even start a group on social media to get local kids together for free games. Expensive isn't always better, often it is not. It comes with an added price tag of parental stress that is long term.

As to fixing things in general, of course everyone is right, the only real solution has got to be to increase income and/or decrease expenses. Make more, spend less. You can only restructure your debt so far, if it keeps growing you are going to sink. And sometimes people find themselves in so deep that only bankruptcy will save them, but even if you do that...you still really have to change your entire financial strategies to avoid getting right back into debt again.
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