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Old 10-15-2010, 06:41 PM
 
5,047 posts, read 5,806,426 times
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There is a child in my sons 6th grade class that is bullying at least two boys ; one being my son and the other being a friend of his. The friend wrote an anonymous note and put it on the bullys class to cease and desist.
Last night my other son who is in 5th grade mentioned that the bully was cursing at my older son in the playground. I asked my son about it and he said it did happen a few weeks ago. So I emailed the teacher, who spoke to the boy and of course he denied it. This child is constantly making noise in the class and the teacher punishes all of the class. I also said that to the teacher and she denied it. Who do I believe ; my sons and their friend or the teacher??

This bully has been an issue in the past also. Asking my son not to like a certain girl because he likes her. Etc etc.

I am jsut making sure everything is documented by either e-mails or letters. My sons and their friend are all at least 6 inches taller and 30 lbs heavier than the bully. But they are all sweet children and are getting so upset with this stuff. The other child is in therapy. i hate to see these good boys go to tears because of one boy
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Old 10-15-2010, 08:18 PM
 
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Have you read a book on bullying? I know that people believe that boys will be boys but there are things to look out for. According to Barbara Coloroso in The Bully, the Bullied and the Bystander, bullying is about contempt.

She clearly defines the differences between teasing and taunting. She also defines the differences between telling and tattling.

In todays "Zero tolerance for bullying", too many behaviors are being described as bullying when it is only teasing even if unwelcomed. Some kids just don't know how to behave socially. That really isn't a reason to tattle on a child.

Bottom line, always believe your son if it is in fact bullying.
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Old 10-15-2010, 09:51 PM
 
Location: Victoria TX
42,554 posts, read 87,003,003 times
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The kids are being prepared to survive in the real adult world, where the bullies will keep right on winning. They won't need to use their fists anymore, because the law is on their side.
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Old 10-16-2010, 04:42 AM
 
2,725 posts, read 5,191,457 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jtur88 View Post
The kids are being prepared to survive in the real adult world, where the bullies will keep right on winning. They won't need to use their fists anymore, because the law is on their side.
That is why the book title I posted has three types of people. The bystanders allow this to happen. There is a fourth type of person according to Coloroso. Hint: it is all about parenting.

Last edited by crisan; 10-16-2010 at 05:01 AM..
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Old 10-16-2010, 06:37 AM
 
Location: Fairfield, CT
6,981 posts, read 10,953,490 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by okaydorothy View Post
There is a child in my sons 6th grade class that is bullying at least two boys ; one being my son and the other being a friend of his. The friend wrote an anonymous note and put it on the bullys class to cease and desist.
Last night my other son who is in 5th grade mentioned that the bully was cursing at my older son in the playground. I asked my son about it and he said it did happen a few weeks ago. So I emailed the teacher, who spoke to the boy and of course he denied it. This child is constantly making noise in the class and the teacher punishes all of the class. I also said that to the teacher and she denied it. Who do I believe ; my sons and their friend or the teacher??

This bully has been an issue in the past also. Asking my son not to like a certain girl because he likes her. Etc etc.

I am jsut making sure everything is documented by either e-mails or letters. My sons and their friend are all at least 6 inches taller and 30 lbs heavier than the bully. But they are all sweet children and are getting so upset with this stuff. The other child is in therapy. i hate to see these good boys go to tears because of one boy
I'm not sure that what you're describing is real bullying. I think these boys need to toughen up, and not let the bully see that he is bothering them. They also need to fight back, whatever the consequences (which will be minor). They'll be much better off in the long run.
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Old 10-16-2010, 06:52 AM
 
Location: Raleigh NC
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When exactly does 'teasing' cross the line into 'bullying'?...when it bothers the teasee, that's when. The only time teasing is not bullying is when it is welcomed, like a boy who likes a girl teases her and she giggles. Stop saying that it's 'just teasing'...

This is coming from a middle school teacher, so I happen to know a little about it.
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Old 10-16-2010, 07:27 AM
 
2,725 posts, read 5,191,457 times
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Originally Posted by claud605 View Post
When exactly does 'teasing' cross the line into 'bullying'?...when it bothers the teasee, that's when. The only time teasing is not bullying is when it is welcomed, like a boy who likes a girl teases her and she giggles. Stop saying that it's 'just teasing'...

This is coming from a middle school teacher, so I happen to know a little about it.
When something bothers you, you have to say something. You don't just suck it up. You are doing the other child a favor by saying, "hey, man that is not cool." This is especially important when the other child is not trying to be mean but is not very good socially. You would be teaching the other child social skills especially if you do it without tattling on the child. You may also discover that perhaps you may need to butch up.

It is teasing when the teaser stops after being told to stop. Teasing is healthy and is good for building healthy relationships. You learn each other's "boundaries." You decide if the person is too sensitive or too insensitive. If the person "gets you" then you build a friendship.

This is coming from a person who was bullied so I happen to know a little as well. My experience, not just with the bully and bystanders but with my family as well, mirrored much of what the author stated.
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Old 10-16-2010, 08:31 AM
 
Location: Midwest transplant
2,050 posts, read 5,946,160 times
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Do not stop with the teacher; you need to speak with the guidance counselor and then the building administrator. If this is REAL bullying, where the child is being harassed to the point of being fearful or changing their behavior for fear of retribution it is bullying and needs to be stopped.
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Old 10-16-2010, 12:27 PM
 
5,047 posts, read 5,806,426 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dazzleman View Post
I'm not sure that what you're describing is real bullying. I think these boys need to toughen up, and not let the bully see that he is bothering them. They also need to fight back, whatever the consequences (which will be minor). They'll be much better off in the long run.

While I agree the boys need to toughen up sometimes, where is the line drawn between bullying and teasing. The child was screaming curses in my sons face ; are you telling me that is teasing? Or the child was talking so much during class that the other child couldnt concentrate, asked him to be quiet a lot but he insisted on being noisey. These boys that are tkaing it have never been in trouble in school ; I have never gotten a note home from the teacher about my sons behaviour. He dosnt want to make trouble at all or get any attention.

Again, at what stage is it teasing. they are also afraid that if they try to fight back, they will get into trouble. The teacher asked the bully if he did that to my son and of course he denied it.

Trying to raise my sons to be decent human beings is a thing of the past. It seems like everyone is out for themselves these days.
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Old 10-16-2010, 12:49 PM
 
9,324 posts, read 16,669,320 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by okaydorothy View Post
While I agree the boys need to toughen up sometimes, where is the line drawn between bullying and teasing. The child was screaming curses in my sons face ; are you telling me that is teasing? Or the child was talking so much during class that the other child couldnt concentrate, asked him to be quiet a lot but he insisted on being noisey. These boys that are tkaing it have never been in trouble in school ; I have never gotten a note home from the teacher about my sons behaviour. He dosnt want to make trouble at all or get any attention.

Again, at what stage is it teasing. they are also afraid that if they try to fight back, they will get into trouble. The teacher asked the bully if he did that to my son and of course he denied it.

Trying to raise my sons to be decent human beings is a thing of the past. It seems like everyone is out for themselves these days.
Both of my children, a male and a female, were bullyed in middle school and high school. Unfortunately, like you, I raised my children to be decent and empathic human beings, but not every parent takes the time or interest to their children. Instead these children are in constant need of attention, positive or negative, lie, use physical force, etc. Although the schools claim "zero tolerance" and will suspend a kindergartner for a water pistol, they seem to shy away from "bullying" vs. "teasing."


My sweet, feminine daughter ended up decking a boy in middle school who constantly "teased" her about her breasts. The kid ended up with a black eye and she got detention. Was it worth it? Yes. She defended herself and that boy never bothered her again.

My polite, national honor society, son, was constantly being bullyed by a football player, pushing him, pulling his knapsack, waiting at his locker, etc. He finally had enough, pushed the guy down two flights of stairs, blackened his eye and he had to get stitches. That football player never bothered him again.

I raised my kids not to raise their fists, but if they had to defend themselves, they were not to throw the first punch.
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