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My third grader has been talking for the last two months about how the janitor at his school is his friend. At lunch time, he often comes and sits next to my boy and chats with him. I asked him if he talks to the other kids, and apparently he does, but not as much. The janitor has told him that other kids are not that friendly to him, but my kid is ( I know for a fact that my kid is Mr Popular at school - every teacher goes out of their way to tell us that), so the janitor likes talking to him.
Well, yesterday, my son came home with a very nice Santa hat. When asked where he got it from, he said the janitor gave it to him as a present.
Maybe this is an innocent gesture, this is a friendly man, liking a polite and friendly third grader and wanted to give him something trivial. But am I being too paranoid? I am concerned as to why someone should single out my child out of many to be so nice. I hate being paranoid and suspicious, this is not me, but at the same time, I don't want to be naive. Before I send an email to the teacher ( this wont be a complaint, more like a fyi...) - not even sure I would do it, but I wanted to run it by you all - other parents and school staff. What would you do? Am I over-reacting?
Thanks,
B
First, your son is probably the most capable kid in the school to carry on a conversation with an adult, which is refreshing to an adult trapped in an ocean of children.
Second, it is highly unlikely that the janitor took a shopping trip just to buy something for your son, and all he got was a Santa hat. It was probably something the J happened to have at the moment, and didn't want or need.
Third, I have no doubt that any such school employee has been completed vetted by the school, and and is fully trustworthy.
Fourth, your son will benefit from any opportunity to have some mature wisdom passed along to him in casual conversation with adults about everyday life.
Third, I have no doubt that any such school employee has been completed vetted by the school, and and is fully trustworthy.
Unfortunately, I have to disagree with this one. Schools try, but people get past the *vetting* and not infrequently.
I would be sure to let my son know that talking to this man in public is probably fine, but it is not a good idea to be anywhere private with someone that you don't know.
Yes I think you're overreacting. As long as the janitor only talks to your son out in the open in front of everyone I can't imagine that there would be a problem. Think of it this way--janitors tend to be mostly invisible to everyone. The teachers look thru them, the principal looks thru them, and most of the kids do. Your son sounds like a wonderful young man and please don't shut him down. And sometimes, every now and then, a child and an adult can form a special relationship that has nothing to do with sleaze, though you'd have a hard time believing it when you listen to all the bad news out there.
I doubt it's anything. Working in a school you are around students all the time and some you get to know and connect with more than others. It's not like school workers are emotionless beings and just pretend to be friendly to students. I treat each student equally fair but some students just connect with you while others just do what you tell them and aren't interested in anything else. I don't see anything like this with a janitor and students at my school, but teachers spend a lot of time with students and it's hard not to see them a little bit like your own. When we talk we even say "my kids" instead of students. While the connection is not like parent to child, there is more connection than just a casual acquaintance.
I would be very concerned. A teacher or other school employee should not single one child out to eat with, talk to or give gifts to. Who knows maybe the other kids have a reason for not being friendly to him. I don't think for one minute that you are being paranoid or over protective. I would also talk to my child about accepting gifts from anyone. That is how children get lured into going off with someone. I'm not saying that he is one but that is how predators start with children. And yes there are sexual predators in schools. There are also many many good and wonderful teachers and other employees in our schools. You just can't be to careful where your child is concerned. The last thing you want is for your child to disappear from school or anywhere else. I would definitely look into it.
How sad that you see a reason for concern. I'm not criticizing you for it, I understand, but I caution you not to make people look at this man as a predator. When my kids were young the school custodians were their heros. Those were the guys who would always go up on the school roof to retrieve a kickball for you at recess or come up with a part to repair a science project. They were a very friendly bunch, and the teachers, parents and kids all thought well of them.
I have a family member who heads a custodial staff for an elementary school. With all the budget issues in the school, I asked him once if he was afraid of losing his job if the school district decided to put it out for bids. He said they had talked about it at one point, but the parents were very much against having outsiders working in the building with their children.
Even if you aren't in the school often enough to know the janitors, the teachers and administration usually know them well, and if there was reason not to trust this man, it would have been noticed.
I would only be concerned if this person was a recent hire.
Depends how accurate the story is. Maybe your son is exaggerating these deep conversations that take place at lunch. Could be the janitor was cleaning up trash from lunch and asked the kid a few questions about his favorite football team-maybe a 20 second thing but in the kid's mind it was more.
For the hat I'm guessing maybe it got left somewhere years past and they were cleaning out the storage room, or maybe someone else gave it to him and he didn't want it.
I think it's nothing. In general, it might be a good time to review and make sure your son understands having boundaries, not going places alone with adults who aren't your parents. I don't hear anything suspect so far.
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- every teacher goes out of their way to tell us that), so the janitor likes talking to him.
