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Old 09-06-2011, 09:29 AM
 
16,880 posts, read 16,145,167 times
Reputation: 28099

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Quote:
Originally Posted by toobusytoday View Post
I agree with the posters that have suggested that just because one teacher out of the million teachers out there, suggested that parents donate money to her co-worker for her birthday, it does not mean that it's normal anywhere else. I think this one teacher messed up and a gentle note pointing that out would not be remiss.
I might have my child make a birthday card for the teacher, instead. After all, teachers always recognize our children's birthdays . The request to send in money is just a request, I wouldn't sweat it.
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Old 09-07-2011, 11:19 AM
 
Location: Middle America
37,409 posts, read 53,249,236 times
Reputation: 53065
Quote:
Originally Posted by citychik View Post
Maybe having a Room Mother is a regional thing.

But wow. Just wow. They need someone in the role of "Room Mother" to bring in cookies and punch for a class party?

When I was a kid, we decorated for parties ourselves, and if a class trip was coming up, the school asked parents to volunteer as chaperones on an as-needed basis. And, I would think it's up to the school to distribute contact lists (if doing so does not violate state privacy laws). I know we had a PTA but I don't recall anything they did.

I know my sister and I never once gave a teacher a gift. And I never saw any other kids do that, either.

The world has certainly changed, with Room Mothers doing what teachers should do, teachers spending their own money for things the school should be providing, and parents feeling obligated to give teachers gifts. Something's definitely twisted there.
I don't think it's a regional thing, and it's definitely not a new thing, given my experiences, both as a student and as a teacher, in a variety of regions over the years. Room parents are generally doing so because they want to, not because it's a necessity.

Parent volunteers are very active in some communities by choice, and inactive in others. It's generally a reflection of the community.

Re making gifts: We made gifts for our teachers all the time...by choice, not out of being asked to.

My students make me cards, etc. all the time. Never due to being asked to do so.
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Old 09-07-2011, 11:35 AM
 
13,248 posts, read 33,345,557 times
Reputation: 8098
BTW, (and completely off topic) Cookies and punch are pretty much outlawed in many schools now.... and if you've ever helped out in an elementary school classroom you would know that there is not much "sitting" involved.
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Old 09-07-2011, 12:22 PM
 
5,747 posts, read 12,008,849 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by toobusytoday View Post
BTW, (and completely off topic) Cookies and punch are pretty much outlawed in many schools now.... and if you've ever helped out in an elementary school classroom you would know that there is not much "sitting" involved.
We still allow cookies, but there's usually a plate of cut veggies, too.
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Old 09-07-2011, 12:56 PM
 
Location: Middle America
37,409 posts, read 53,249,236 times
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Classroom parties have been all but abolished in most public schools with which I'm currently affiliated, anyhow. Takes time away from state test prep...er...'schooling,' don't you know?
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Old 09-07-2011, 01:02 PM
 
5,747 posts, read 12,008,849 times
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Our elementary school doesn't do much in the way of test prep, and I'm not aware of anything at the middle school level either. There is an assembly to discuss how the testing will work and what is expected of the kids a few days prior, but they don't do test prep workbooks or anything else of that nature during the year. We have plenty of parties. Field trips, too!

I know the school district south of us assigns test prep homework to their kids. I always thought it was kind of abusive, and we moved to another district before our oldest would be subjected to it.
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Old 09-07-2011, 11:03 PM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
874 posts, read 2,882,185 times
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We are allowed two classroom parties per year. Also, parents may bring cupcakes (no cookies or cake, heaven forbid - not sure what the rationale is there!) for birthdays if they are storebought. They may be brought to the classroom no earlier than 30 minutes before our official dismissal time. However, students who go to the local church's daycare after school or who participate in the city after-school program actually leave the classroom 20 minutes before official dismissal... patrols leave 15 minutes before dismissal... and everyone else leaves 10 minutes before official dismissal. So they really have 10 minutes to gulp those cupcakes down if they are daycare/after-school program kids, and they don't have much more time if they are anyone else.
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Old 09-09-2011, 08:11 PM
 
Location: State of INSANITY
183 posts, read 263,311 times
Reputation: 410
I appreciate the incredibly difficult task our teachers have today......classrooms are more crowded, parents more difficult, kids coming from increasingly dysfunctional backgrounds and disrupting everything. BUT that does not excuse poor etiquette and demanding or even asking for a gift or registering on a website and telling everyone to go there and choose something! That is ridiculous. IF I choose to gift a teacher, and I have, I will do it on my own accord and it will be a gift I select, not the other way around. If that is not enough, too bad. I could go on and on about nursing(my chosen profession) and how hard it is and how stressful (incredibly so), but believe me, we don't get to solicit our patients for gifts. If we do receive gifts, we have to return them or share them with the entire unit, meaning all nurses/staff.

A gift ceases to be a gift when it's demanded. And my pocketbook, too, is constantly being hit up for more and more money and supplies each year that goes by. I understand covering those who can't afford it, but I resent being demanded of money and supplies, somehow, multiple times each school year. It's getting ridiculous. Homeschooling was, by far, much cheaper for me.

If I am solicited for a specific gift for a teacher, by that teacher, my answer will be "sorry, no".

Last edited by MOMdotCOM2011; 09-09-2011 at 08:21 PM..
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Old 09-09-2011, 08:24 PM
 
Location: State of INSANITY
183 posts, read 263,311 times
Reputation: 410
Quote:
Originally Posted by citychik View Post
You mean the students give their gifts to the teachers in class, front of everyone else???!!! How absurd! No wonder kids feel pressured, and in turn pressure their parents.

I would think that is something to do after school, quietly, one-on-one. To do otherwise is just crass.
Yes it is crass. And rude. And to me, unthinkable. Not everyone can AFFORD a gift of ANY sort, let alone the "perfect one" the teacher "wants".

I think we need to bring back basic etiquette education beginning in elementary school. Educated and smart professionals like teachers should KNOW how crass this really is, and more importantly how potentially, very hurt feelings will emerge doing things this way.
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Old 09-10-2011, 12:01 AM
 
10,102 posts, read 19,297,579 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by citychik View Post
You mean the students give their gifts to the teachers in class, front of everyone else???!!! How absurd! No wonder kids feel pressured, and in turn pressure their parents.

I would think that is something to do after school, quietly, one-on-one. To do otherwise is just crass.

My dd brought in a homemade card once, like everyone says to do---its the thought that counts. she was mortified when everyone else presented their "real" gifts, she wouldn't even give the card she worked so hard on making. Instead of being a happy party, a little 8-year old girl left in tears. she might forgert that, but I never did. I bought expensive gifts from then on, not for the teacher, but for my child to save face. BTW, I paid for "teacher's gifts" by taking back my gifts, I'd rather do without than see my baby in tears. so, hope I made a lot of teachers happy, I know they hurt my dd.

And, BTW, why are others attacking ME on this thread? I didn't start it, and many have the same opinion I do. Look around, feel the love!

Look, dear teachers, many parents, us included, are hard-pressed to put food on the table, and dress and supply our own kids, then we have to give you "goodies" so our kid won't be s**t on! hey, its just budgeted!

Not only do teachers open their gifts in front of everyone, my cousin teaches, she says they pile their gifts in the teachers' lounge every day, it becomes a competetion, and yes, they do make comparisions, especially if you have more than one kid. They say things like oh, you got whatever from them, I got yadda, etc. Like I say, feel the love!
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