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Old 05-25-2012, 05:01 AM
 
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The last two nights I have received phone calls from the gym teacher at my sons middle school. He is in 7th grade. The reason ; I was at a baseball game and spoke to a boy who lied about my son and asked the boy to apologize to my son. He lied again and denied lieing about my son. It was just the boy and myself ; noone else. But the boy went to his parents and I guess the parents went to the principal who went to the gym teacher who is also the head of sports.

The boy had told the gym teacher that my son had a knife in his pocket. My son was asked and told the gym teacher 5 times he didnt, then he was marched to the principal who asked him to empty his pockets. He had 2 pens and a $2 bill. When I was told about it, I asked the principal and gym teacher if the boy could apologize to my son and it was not done. This happened about 4 weeks ago. So I felt I had given it enough time and asked at least twice if it could be done before asking the boy at the game. My son was horrified and thought he was going to be suspended even though he was the innocent victim. The teacher has not denied that it was this particular boy who made the story up.

So now the gym teacher calls me about the incident at baseball. Again, i asked for an apology and it is not coming at all. However, he asked if I could apologize to the boy.

I know it sounds silly, but in this day of bullying, I would think that a bully having to apologize to the victim would be a good thing?? Instead the parent of the victim is scolded?? If people knew they had to apologize, maybe it would make them think twice. So now in a catholic school we are promoting lying??Wonderful. Just 4 weeks left before we leave the school.
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Old 05-25-2012, 05:28 AM
 
Location: St Louis, MO
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You should never confront another child by yourself, and even more so with a child known to lie. I just read an article this morning of a parent who was charged with trespassing and banned from campus for confronting their own child at a soccer game.

There is no way the school is going to punish a student who reported a suspected weapon on campus. While this boy may have made it up, the next one might be mistaken, and the one after that could be right but afraid to say anything because the first two get punished. There are twerps who will know this and use it to manipulate, but the school needs to know that kind of information.
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Old 05-25-2012, 05:50 AM
 
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So basically the innocent child yet again gets hauled to the principals office. I totally understand if he did have a knife ; completly and he would deserve any punishment for that. But the fact was that he didnt, he was mortified going to the prinicipals office only to be prooved right.
But yet the little twerp who lied gets away with it.
I would have never confronted him IF he had apologized, or if the gym teacher apologized. It would have been over and done with.
Sometimes its good to admit a mistake was made.
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Old 05-25-2012, 06:08 AM
 
Location: Shawnee-on-Delaware, PA
5,641 posts, read 5,046,654 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by okaydorothy View Post
Sometimes its good to admit a mistake was made.
Single incident, you should let it go. If it was a pattern, that's different.

Marigolds6 is right about not confronting another child by yourself, especially for an incident where you were not present.
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Old 05-25-2012, 06:15 AM
 
634 posts, read 1,430,999 times
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Default Similar story....

Two weeks ago, my daughter was on a bus. One boy had won a soccer ball as an AR reward at school. Another boy took the ball away from him and was throwing it at the heads of kids on the bus. They threw it at my daughter's head. It dropped on the floor below her and rolled to the front of the bus.

The next day, 3 boys told the Principal that my daughter stole the soccer ball. My daughter came home very upset because the Principal called her out in the hall and asked her if she stole it....she told him the story and said no. He said "Sometimes we are afraid we will get in trouble if we fess up. All I want is the soccer ball back, okay? Understand?"

I called the Principal and thankfully he had viewed the video from the bus and the Principal saw my daughter's eyes look down at the ball, and then watched her as she got off and saw no soccer ball. But it hasn't been found. The Principal also denied having passively accusing my daughter of taking it. He also said the boys weren't throwing the ball at anyone's head....it just "happened" to hit my daughter's head.

Those three boys have been taunting my daughter ever since, asking her why she hasn't gotten in trouble for stealing the ball. She told them the Principal has proof she didn't take it. They are still taunting her.

I would LOVE an apology, but that isn't going to happen. But I would never approach another student myself because of liablity issues. Read Save Me by Lisa Scottoline if you need a more detailed story. It is fiction, but a very good example how approaching bullies as a parent can backfire.

THANK GOD for video cameras. My daughter has never been in trouble, and if THIS would have gotten her in trouble she would have lost all trust in her school.
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Old 05-25-2012, 07:15 AM
 
13,008 posts, read 30,737,784 times
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I agree about not approaching the child directly, even though that does seem like the most expedient course of action.

I remember when one of my kids was in first or second grade and I found out that he had been bullied on the bus by a boy just a year or two older then him that lived just up the street from us. I confronted the boy and in my mean Mom voice told him that if I ever heard of him bothering my son again, that I would tell his mother, but if he didn't bother him again then I would not tell her. I knew his parents and he would have been in big trouble if they knew. He never did anything else after that and I did not tell his mother. I realized afterwards that maybe I shouldn't have done that but I felt that I was practicing control by talking to him when I really wanted to wring his neck.
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Old 05-25-2012, 07:38 AM
 
1,226 posts, read 2,214,663 times
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I can't believe you would have the nerve to confront a minor and "demand" anything from them. If I was that child's parent, I, too, would be outraged. You had a problem, and you went to the administration. They ignored it, because they obviously felt it was unjustified. Get over it, it is not in your hands.... you don't have the right to harrass minors at their school or school property, you do that again, I'll bet you have a restraining order or harrassment charges to deal with.
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Old 05-25-2012, 08:30 AM
 
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So basically the child who lied is unapproachable but yet the innocent child gets to carry it around with him. What is this telling bullies ; go ahead, do what you want and there is no repurcusions. Its also telling the victim that its ok for people to lie about you.
people are so afraid to approach bullies and that is why they get away with it. A simple apology would be fine.

Honesty is not the best policy ; that is what I am learning.
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Old 05-25-2012, 08:38 AM
 
13,507 posts, read 16,301,352 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by marigolds6 View Post
You should never confront another child by yourself, and even more so with a child known to lie. ....
Confronting the child strikes me as a bad move too. Go to the boy's parents about this.
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Old 05-25-2012, 08:39 AM
 
Location: Central Texas
13,719 posts, read 28,136,367 times
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OP - You have a right to complain - I am puzzled by the school's resistance to resolving this. It suggests there is more to the story.

However I think you should NOT have confronted the liar directly. You should have contacted his parents and gotten them involved immediately. With an exception for emergencies or something threatening, I do not want another adult dealing with my children directly. I expect them to come to me. As I'm sure you know - there is a high probably this child will not tell the truth to their parents. And the only certain way for their parents to hear the truth (assuming you speak the truth) is for you to tell them directly.
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