Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I would approach it as your duty...You are the child's parent. It is not unheard of to change teachers, follow your gut instincts. You pay their salaries. You might consult his previous teacher for a recommendation for who's classroom would best fit his learning style and personality.
Yep, so you pay their salaries so you should get everything you want, even though it is based on pure "gut instinct" and "emotion" rather than by logic...hmm no.
Quote:
Originally Posted by syracusa
Oh, no, no - nothing like that. I have no real evidence of what would officially be considered "harm".
Not even close.
However, based on his first weeks of school, my instincts tell me this is the type of teacher who tends to have favorites, as in "pets" , and my guts tell me he will clearly not be one of them.
He tells us how he raises his hand all the time in class but she never calls on him, how other kids get a variety of praises and he never does, even though he tries very hard.
He is an academically advanced child, at least in certain areas (that I know for sure as he was privately evaluated and he came close to gifted, but not quite there). He excelled last year in K - but he is also suspected of having some developmental disorder, either ADHD or a mild form of Asperger's.
The school would not hear of an IEP anyway, regardless of the results of our private evaluation. The Special Ed teacher said that whatever "quirks" he may or may not have, his learning is not in any way affected by them, and that she believes he is a normal little boy doing his thing.
His report card last year had maximum grades on everything - so they pretty much implied we should not even think about an IEP.
Yet, this year he was placed in an inclusion class again, which we didn't mind at all since he did so well last year in a similar one, plus they have an extra teacher - so why not?.
The trouble now seems that he was placed at some kind of "ghettoized" table which appears to include only the kids with some sort of developmental problem (whether just mild or suspected, as in my son's case, or already dx-ed officially).
This table of theirs seems to get little attention, no child at this table ever gets praises for good behavior, etc. It just feels funny and uneasy to me.
I strongly believe in the power of labels and I have seen evidence, over and over again, of kids being labeled/perceived/regarded as part of the "awesome crowd" early in school, only to have the self-fulfilling prophecy work out exactly in their favor; and I have seen kids, equally - if not more - endowed from an academic/IQ standpoint who, for one reason or another, did not make it into the teacher's "pet group" early in life...only to do less well mainly because they never had the "you rock!" label plastered all over their foreheads.
I had other reasons to get a funny feeling about the whole thing but will skip them here for privacy-related reasons (never know who lurks on boards).
That being said, I am aware a child's teacher will not be changed simply because of mother's "funny feelings", so I guess that's that.
Any advice as to how I could continue to interact with his teacher in such ways that it will come out in his very best interest? At the end of the day, in all honesty, this is all I care about.
As an additional note, I have been nothing but sweet, kind, positive and cooperative during the little interaction I have had with the teacher so far - but she seems to be relatively detached/removed.
I would lie if I said I got anything negative/hostile from her, but neither did I get any amenable/accommodating vibe or any sign that she might be at all interested in my kid.
I do see her attention directed towards kids of mothers who hover a lot at school as room moms/volunteeristas or other roles of this nature.
it sounds to me like it is just really you, maybe you are projecting those feelings onto your son. I agree with a few of the other posters on here, that you can't believe all the "tales from school", however, you need to understand that when 25 children raise their hand that everyone wants to be called on. Maybe it just wasn't his day. As for the favorites then, how do you know this...do you have proof? I personally wouldn't think it would be a bad idea to change him if there was a very good reason to do so, but of all the posts that I have seen, you really haven't witnessed or been told anything that the teacher has done that would be considered seriously detrimental to your son's learning.
Frankly, I think if the OP wants a different teacher, she should just say that, instead of trying to justify it like this. "Personality clash" might work just as well.
I like to be prepared with facts, citing policies, procedures, precedents and laws. I would never walk into a principal's office and say I just don't like someone, or citing just my feelings or wants while trying to advocate for my child..... Good luck with that!
I like to be prepared with facts, citing policies, procedures, precedents and laws. I would never walk into a principal's office and say I just don't like someone, or citing just my feelings or wants while trying to advocate for my child..... Good luck with that!
My point is that those aren't really the reasons the OP wants a different teacher. She wants a different teacher b/c the teacher doesn't call on the kid enough! My district will usually accomodate parents if they are insistent, at least in the early grades. As the kids get older, the parents get a little wiser about these issues, and don't make so many requests for changes.
Just wanted to say thank you for the input, this has been really helpful but also confusing.
Some seem to get my "hunch", others say "your hunch is bogus".
Some seem to suggest that you should advocate for your child to the best of your abilities, others say "if he is not failing, then he doesn't need a thing".
Let me put it this way: he is a child far from failing, but he has certain neurological traits that prevent him from performing to his full potential - which was identified by an evaluation in the past as being quite high. I was not aware that only children who fail can be granted IEP-s.
I am not sure that a child who has say ...level 9.5 intelligence on a scale from 1-10, as well as a disability, cannot have an IEP if he performs at level 7. Level 7, after all, is not failing.
It's still decent, so why bother? Who said he has to excel?
In this case, I say it.
As a mother, I feel very differently than how a school would feel towards him. For a school, if a child is not failing but meeting standards, things are good.
For a mother, it hurts to see the child FAILING TO REACH his full potential, when she knows that with the right environment and with the right and fair kind of help, he could truly excel.
This is a fine line to walk because many believe that if the child does have certain neurological traits that prevent him from blocking off distractions like others do, or staying on task, or what have you, then perhaps he is not meant to excel in the first place, so why push for something that is not written in stars?
He is an intelligent child (not saying it myself, an evaluation said it) but very easy to distract and in need of frequent reminders to stay on task and to not slide into a daze (staring in void, thinking away, etc). The psychologist who examined him a year ago pretty much said "very bright but in need of an IEP". She wrote this in a report.
When he gets the right environment and the reminders, he can perform like no tomorrow.
When he doesn't, he can perform at sub-mediocre levels. I may be committing a sin, but I am not pleased with the latter. I want the maximum his genetics allow him to go. Not more - but not less either.
IEP-s aside, I had a day of brief volunteering at school, and I found out that he is at the table with other inclusion kids. I kind of knew it but I got to see it face-to-face.
I already knew some of these kids since last year as I had worked with them in the past at the reading tables.
The seating arrangement is clearly not doing him any favors. Right next to him there is a severely ADHD child who is bouncing around, moving, making noises, getting up, the para-pro sits with him at all times...a completely bad situation for the weaknesses of my son. To his left there is a little girl who is frequently asking him for help.
Do not get me wrong, I am not one of those who is blindly concerned exclusively with the needs of her own child, all while being insensitive to other children's needs and their parents' worries.
Rationally speaking, I feel for these children as much as I feel for mine and I also feel lots of empathy for their parents; but the reality is that they are not bringing each other any favors by being seated in an "inclusion" ghetto.
I thought inclusion meant "sprinkling", not "segregating".
As another mother who had a child in the same teacher's class confirmed to me over lunch yesterday, the seating arrangements are done strictly for the convenience of the para-pro. She had similar issues, as her autistic child was seated next to another autistic child and they were entertaining and copying each other's...guess what? Autism!
Someone very astutely mentioned here that my kid is in a lose-lose situation in the sense that he doesn't get to have his cake or eat it either. He doesn't get an IEP (hence he is counted as regular) but he is seated at the inclusion table.
This is going to have to change.
My son is not at all disrupting but he is disrupt-able - so I know he would do much better if he was seated next to focused, quiet children who have it genetically together (the "awesome" kind who seem to get praises frequently and slowly morph into "teacher's pets").
He needs to model "focused" behavior as opposed to being distracted by kids who are severe enough to have an IEP, when he is not even genetically armed to be able to block off their distractions.
Some of those "pets" could easily deal with the inclusion table, given their focus and drive.
Question is: why not mix the children, instead of ghettoizing the inclusion kids?
Is this only for the para-pro-s convenience?
I personally think you are right. Teachers will do what is convenient for them. If that does no harm most parents do not care if the teacher makes things more convenient for her. However, if something is impacting a particular child the child's parents are certainly the only ones that are going to advocate on behalf of their child. I think that all children deserve to be placed in a position to perform to the best of their own ability.
I do think that you need to try to work things out with the teacher before you ask the principal for anything. Document your meetings.
The one thing that others have brought up that troubles me is that other parents are cautioning you about believing your child. I do not understand this attitude. Believe your child.
Whatever you do, do NOT request he be placed in another teacher's class.
I did so with DS when he was in kindergarten, they never forgot. He was set up from that day onward. Teachers simply picked him to death, regardless of where he was. The world of teachers is a very petty, inbred little group. You do NOT step on their toes!
Instead, you need to suck up all you can to this teacher.How long has school been in session? Time for a parent/teacher conference? If not, do NOT ask for a seperate conference. Regardless of what they say, teachers get threatened by such requests. Then, they set the kid up. Instead, manage to drop by, before or after school, or volunteer, etc, then, plaster it on. Say I'm so happy little Johnny got you this year, we both just jumped for joy! (don't worry about sounding phony, they suck that up). He's learned so much already. Drop names if possible. If you're at all on any type of terms with PTA, room mothers, etc, say oh, I was just telling Mabel how pleased we are with the current teacher.
Also, its not too early to make him understand the value of "interpersonal relationships".. Try to make him understand how important it is to smile, beam at the teacher, etc.Act lke she's just the berries!
Don't make the mistakes I did. I followed advice on forums like this, and my poor DS ended up attempting suicide. Did the school see their part in it? Of cours not, they are always perfect, instead, we, the family, were picked to pieces. It was to the point DS didn't know which direction to direct his loyalities, and, essentially, he splintered in two
And, try to remember, its just one year with this teacher, it will go by faster than you think. Think about the years ahead, do you want him on their radar forever?
I do think that you need to try to work things out with the teacher before you ask the principal for anything. Document your meetings.
The one thing that others have brought up that troubles me is that other parents are cautioning you about believing your child. I do not understand this attitude. Believe your child.
Completely agree with you, Mama_bear, including the part about trying to work it with the teacher first. We are going to do just that today - we weren't going to go straight to the principal.
Conference scheduled, smile on the face, 100% positive and cooperative attitude, the works. But we DO have a list of concerns and a couple of kind requests - so those will have to be voiced regardless.
Not sure though how I could document the meeting. I can't tape it, right?
I did make copies of the notes where she says he has difficulty staying on task.
If I believe the child? I do believe him - as he is in fact the type who doesn't know how to lie. He has been suspected of a mild form of Asperger's too and he is usually very matter-of-fact about things.
He also has a somewhat poor ability to manipulate interaction, hardly knows what to reveal and what to hide to make things work to his advantage, etc.
So yes, I believe him. However, I am always ready to give others the benefit of the doubt, not because I think he might lie, but because his inattention issues can make him forget certain parts of reality, or omit details, or misunderstand aspects, etc. This is why I am NOT ready to believe 100% that the teacher just doesn't like him.
We'll talk to her and we'll try to figure things out.
For now, it would be so nice if she just changed his seat.
Whatever you do, do NOT request he be placed in another teacher's class.
I did so with DS when he was in kindergarten, they never forgot. He was set up from that day onward. Teachers simply picked him to death, regardless of where he was. The world of teachers is a very petty, inbred little group. You do NOT step on their toes!
Instead, you need to suck up all you can to this teacher.How long has school been in session? Time for a parent/teacher conference? If not, do NOT ask for a seperate conference. Regardless of what they say, teachers get threatened by such requests. Then, they set the kid up. Instead, manage to drop by, before or after school, or volunteer, etc, then, plaster it on. Say I'm so happy little Johnny got you this year, we both just jumped for joy! (don't worry about sounding phony, they suck that up). He's learned so much already. Drop names if possible. If you're at all on any type of terms with PTA, room mothers, etc, say oh, I was just telling Mabel how pleased we are with the current teacher.
Also, its not too early to make him understand the value of "interpersonal relationships".. Try to make him understand how important it is to smile, beam at the teacher, etc.Act like she's just the berries!
Don't make the mistakes I did. I followed advice on forums like this, and my poor DS ended up attempting suicide. Did the school see their part in it? Of cours not, they are always perfect, instead, we, the family, were picked to pieces. It was to the point DS didn't know which direction to direct his loyalities, and, essentially, he splintered in two
And, try to remember, its just one year with this teacher, it will go by faster than you think. Think about the years ahead, do you want him on their radar forever?
I know what you mean and I think you are right. I do feel terrible that you had that kind of experience.
I hope your son is doing much, much better today!
Just wanted to say thank you for the input, this has been really helpful but also confusing.
Some seem to get my "hunch", others say "your hunch is bogus".
Some seem to suggest that you should advocate for your child to the best of your abilities, others say "if he is not failing, then he doesn't need a thing".
Let me put it this way: he is a child far from failing, but he has certain neurological traits that prevent him from performing to his full potential - which was identified by an evaluation in the past as being quite high. I was not aware that only children who fail can be granted IEP-s.
I am not sure that a child who has say ...level 9.5 intelligence on a scale from 1-10, as well as a disability, cannot have an IEP if he performs at level 7. Level 7, after all, is not failing.
It's still decent, so why bother? Who said he has to excel?
In this case, I say it.
As a mother, I feel very differently than how a school would feel towards him. For a school, if a child is not failing but meeting standards, things are good.
For a mother, it hurts to see the child FAILING TO REACH his full potential, when she knows that with the right environment and with the right and fair kind of help, he could truly excel.
This is a fine line to walk because many believe that if the child does have certain neurological traits that prevent him from blocking off distractions like others do, or staying on task, or what have you, then perhaps he is not meant to excel in the first place, so why push for something that is not written in stars?
He is an intelligent child (not saying it myself, an evaluation said it) but very easy to distract and in need of frequent reminders to stay on task and to not slide into a daze (staring in void, thinking away, etc). The psychologist who examined him a year ago pretty much said "very bright but in need of an IEP". She wrote this in a report.
When he gets the right environment and the reminders, he can perform like no tomorrow.
When he doesn't, he can perform at sub-mediocre levels. I may be committing a sin, but I am not pleased with the latter. I want the maximum his genetics allow him to go. Not more - but not less either.
IEP-s aside, I had a day of brief volunteering at school, and I found out that he is at the table with other inclusion kids. I kind of knew it but I got to see it face-to-face.
I already knew some of these kids since last year as I had worked with them in the past at the reading tables.
The seating arrangement is clearly not doing him any favors. Right next to him there is a severely ADHD child who is bouncing around, moving, making noises, getting up, the para-pro sits with him at all times...a completely bad situation for the weaknesses of my son. To his left there is a little girl who is frequently asking him for help.
Do not get me wrong, I am not one of those who is blindly concerned exclusively with the needs of her own child, all while being insensitive to other children's needs and their parents' worries.
Rationally speaking, I feel for these children as much as I feel for mine and I also feel lots of empathy for their parents; but the reality is that they are not bringing each other any favors by being seated in an "inclusion" ghetto.
I thought inclusion meant "sprinkling", not "segregating".
As another mother who had a child in the same teacher's class confirmed to me over lunch yesterday, the seating arrangements are done strictly for the convenience of the para-pro. She had similar issues, as her autistic child was seated next to another autistic child and they were entertaining and copying each other's...guess what? Autism!
Someone very astutely mentioned here that my kid is in a lose-lose situation in the sense that he doesn't get to have his cake or eat it either. He doesn't get an IEP (hence he is counted as regular) but he is seated at the inclusion table.
This is going to have to change.
My son is not at all disrupting but he is disrupt-able - so I know he would do much better if he was seated next to focused, quiet children who have it genetically together (the "awesome" kind who seem to get praises frequently and slowly morph into "teacher's pets").
He needs to model "focused" behavior as opposed to being distracted by kids who are severe enough to have an IEP, when he is not even genetically armed to be able to block off their distractions.
Some of those "pets" could easily deal with the inclusion table, given their focus and drive.
Question is: why not mix the children, instead of ghettoizing the inclusion kids?
Is this only for the para-pro-s convenience?
Also, try to remember, this is only first grade. Kids grow into their own style, at their own pace. Many first-grade wonders bomb out in later years. I've found the best thing to do---don't overhype it with your kids. When they come home, don't immediately open the folder, oh, my look, you got a star! Or, you got a frown! don't let the school invade the scantity of your home. Its still home, you're still Mom, they are still your kids. keep your routine, don't adjust around the school and their "issues". Have a time just for you and the kids, a snack, some mommy time, etc. Then, perhaps later look at the folders, homework, etc. Try to keep it low-key. After doing homework, perhaps glance at the folder, oh, ok, then just sign it and be done with it. don't let it become a major source of stress in the home, like we did. Honestly, his teacher wrote all over the folder, to the point he needed a new one the first week! Of course we were alarmed as parents---didn't they expect us to respond to all that? Well, only do what they ask. If they ask to sign it, just sign it. It they ask for a meeting, do so, but let them set the pace. Trust me, at this point in the school year, they are just testing the waters---the teachers, that is!
Oh, also, suck up to the para. You need to identify the power in the room and "go to the light" Its all a game, learn how to play it!
Just wanted to say thank you for the input, this has been really helpful but also confusing.
Some seem to get my "hunch", others say "your hunch is bogus".
Some seem to suggest that you should advocate for your child to the best of your abilities, others say "if he is not failing, then he doesn't need a thing".
Let me put it this way: he is a child far from failing, but he has certain neurological traits that prevent him from performing to his full potential - which was identified by an evaluation in the past as being quite high. I was not aware that only children who fail can be granted IEP-s.
I am not sure that a child who has say ...level 9.5 intelligence on a scale from 1-10, as well as a disability, cannot have an IEP if he performs at level 7. Level 7, after all, is not failing.
It's still decent, so why bother? Who said he has to excel?
In this case, I say it.
As a mother, I feel very differently than how a school would feel towards him. For a school, if a child is not failing but meeting standards, things are good.
For a mother, it hurts to see the child FAILING TO REACH his full potential, when she knows that with the right environment and with the right and fair kind of help, he could truly excel.
This is a fine line to walk because many believe that if the child does have certain neurological traits that prevent him from blocking off distractions like others do, or staying on task, or what have you, then perhaps he is not meant to excel in the first place, so why push for something that is not written in stars?
He is an intelligent child (not saying it myself, an evaluation said it) but very easy to distract and in need of frequent reminders to stay on task and to not slide into a daze (staring in void, thinking away, etc). The psychologist who examined him a year ago pretty much said "very bright but in need of an IEP". She wrote this in a report.
When he gets the right environment and the reminders, he can perform like no tomorrow.
When he doesn't, he can perform at sub-mediocre levels. I may be committing a sin, but I am not pleased with the latter. I want the maximum his genetics allow him to go. Not more - but not less either.
IEP-s aside, I had a day of brief volunteering at school, and I found out that he is at the table with other inclusion kids. I kind of knew it but I got to see it face-to-face.
I already knew some of these kids since last year as I had worked with them in the past at the reading tables.
The seating arrangement is clearly not doing him any favors. Right next to him there is a severely ADHD child who is bouncing around, moving, making noises, getting up, the para-pro sits with him at all times...a completely bad situation for the weaknesses of my son. To his left there is a little girl who is frequently asking him for help.
Do not get me wrong, I am not one of those who is blindly concerned exclusively with the needs of her own child, all while being insensitive to other children's needs and their parents' worries.
Rationally speaking, I feel for these children as much as I feel for mine and I also feel lots of empathy for their parents; but the reality is that they are not bringing each other any favors by being seated in an "inclusion" ghetto.
I thought inclusion meant "sprinkling", not "segregating".
As another mother who had a child in the same teacher's class confirmed to me over lunch yesterday, the seating arrangements are done strictly for the convenience of the para-pro. She had similar issues, as her autistic child was seated next to another autistic child and they were entertaining and copying each other's...guess what? Autism!
Someone very astutely mentioned here that my kid is in a lose-lose situation in the sense that he doesn't get to have his cake or eat it either. He doesn't get an IEP (hence he is counted as regular) but he is seated at the inclusion table.
This is going to have to change.
My son is not at all disrupting but he is disrupt-able - so I know he would do much better if he was seated next to focused, quiet children who have it genetically together (the "awesome" kind who seem to get praises frequently and slowly morph into "teacher's pets").
He needs to model "focused" behavior as opposed to being distracted by kids who are severe enough to have an IEP, when he is not even genetically armed to be able to block off their distractions.
Some of those "pets" could easily deal with the inclusion table, given their focus and drive.
Question is: why not mix the children, instead of ghettoizing the inclusion kids?
Is this only for the para-pro-s convenience?
I agree completely, that is what you need to take to the principal, asap. But not the seating in particular, because you might just be granted that, and that's it. Get him out of that classroom completely. Not only is he flying below the radar there, he is flying below two radar's, and it is just not a good fit.
By the way, I have a gifted child with a 504 as well, sounds just like yours (not disruptive, but very disruptable). It has been a battle every step of the way. From them not wanting to provide services because he was performing well academically, to them not wanting him in the gifted classes because he was having trouble staying on task. Be prepared, and start arming yourself with information, it has been a constant battle in which I have had to educate the administration and threaten escalating the issues. Thankfully, it has all been resolved before taking it to that level, but only because I have always been better informed than them, and have read every policy and law that applies to him. It is all on your districts website, get studying!
I don't agree with the fact that accomodations are only given to make your child "average", I'm just informing you of the law, it is what it is, pick your fights.... and you won't change that without a congressional hearing. As I said, my way around it was to let him fall, get my 504, then continue to be his #1 support system. Once you have it you have it, my child scored 99% on end of year testing, yet got the accomodations he needs (he would have passed but been "average" without them). You need to know the system. And yes, be prepared for the criticism because you are making your child "special" and won't accept him as "average".... I get it all the time, I don't care. I am the only advocate for my child, and I won't apologize because other parents aren't as strong of advocates.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
