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The problem is he is seven years old and his own person.
Unfortunately the little person that he is is not the person you want him to be. He's an X and you want him to be a Y. Unless you accept that he's an X and appreciate him for what he is you are in for a whole world of hurt. Both of you.
So he doesn't finish a book? Big whoop. I have a stack of books I've never finished because I lost interest or they were boring or the writer forgot how to write at the beginning of chapter 12. Plenty of education. I can tie my own shoes and navigate the world. Thankfully, even though I started doing that fairly young, my parents didn't follow me around with a bookmark and a dictionary. Or a pill.
He's an X. Cultivate that and get over him not being an Y.
Edit to add I notice you mentioned the books you brought him. I don't suppose he has any really junky comic books? Or some totally dumb book on the dinosaurs taking over Mars and eating zombies? Take him to a used book store give him 10 bucks and stay out of his way. Sit on a chair and read your phone messages. Let him pick what he wants and don't say, "Are you sure? Wouldn't you like this one better?" Let him go to the checkout with his choices and pay for them. When you get home leave him alone. Don't ask him about the books. Don't say, "What did you learn?" Wait for him to start telling you about zombies on Mars and smile a lot because you are lucky enough to have an X in your family.
Last edited by DewDropInn; 09-10-2012 at 11:28 AM..
Forgive my frustration, 20 yrs, but nobody wants him to read any particular crap. Please, believe me. Neither us, nor the schools, nor his teacher...nobody is pushing him to read him a certain KIND of book.
I think I may have said this before here jokingly, just to make a point, but if he asked me to bring him books about the porn industry, or you name the calamity, I would bring them to him...only to see him engaged in sustained independent reading, motivated, immersed, into it...you get my point!
I repeat: I brought him every imaginable topic he ordered, mostly non-fiction. He is insane about dinosaurs, tornados..etc; he is crazy about watching stuff on these topics, but not necessarily reading.
He will read a little bit, bits and pieces, here and there, but I am yet to see him devour any book.
Topic is NOT his problem, believe me. Nobody forces respectable fiction classics on him.
Interesting. There is a school of thought out there that television can cause a definite shorting of attention span. I admit that on those extremely rare occasions that I do watch a television set (usually in a restaurant or bar), it often moves far too fast for me to figure out what is going on. I do know personally, that the internet has really impacted my ability to focus on one thing for a long time. To be honest, I haven't read a book from cover to cover in ages because I get bored (even reading things I love). So I can totally understand where he is coming from.
You might consider reducing his exposure to technology, especially television, to see if that helps his attention span. There are some very good articles on the internet about this. It's a thought, anyway.
Interesting. There is a school of thought out there that television can cause a definite shorting of attention span. I admit that on those extremely rare occasions that I do watch a television set (usually in a restaurant or bar), it often moves far too fast for me to figure out what is going on. I do know personally, that the internet has really impacted my ability to focus on one thing for a long time. To be honest, I haven't read a book from cover to cover in ages because I get bored (even reading things I love). So I can totally understand where he is coming from.
You might consider reducing his exposure to technology, especially television, to see if that helps his attention span. There are some very good articles on the internet about this. It's a thought, anyway.
20yrsinBranson
The kid only watches a little show or documentary or a kids film during the week-end. So a maximum of 2-3 hours of TV a week.
There is no TV during the week at all. He does not have access to a computer - except in supervised fashion, in the living room, when he has homework from school. Also he doesn't own any video games.
I don't think I could cut out ALL TV because this would make it too much of a taboo and he tends to become terribly obssessive over taboos; he wants exactly what's prohibited.
He just knows that it is OK to watch some nice programs, but only in the morning during the week-end. They have been settled into this routine for years and I have zero protests.
However, it is clear that he is way more excited about his TV portion coming up in the week-end than he is about any book under the sun.
The reality is that you are right with the point you made above. I honestly do believe that the larger socio-historical environment children grow up in is what will impact what they are drawn to THE MOST - much more than family environment, which is so often touted and emphasized...including the ridiculous expectation that parents should drop everything they are overwhelmed with and read in front of their kids so they will "model reading" for their children.
Here is the snippet of reality:
I am someone whose parents NEVER read to her - and I do mean NEVER. The same was the case for all other children in my generation where and when I grew up. Likewise, I never saw my parents reading...though my father was often reading in his bedroom later before going to bed...but I only caught on later.
My mother couldn't ever catch her breath, let alone relax with books in front of us...so she can "model reading" for us like Naomi Campbell models dresses for fashionistas.
Parents were way too busy with work (both mothers and fathers worked full time in a socialist society), mothers were too busy with cooking 100% from scratch, ALWAYS, after work hours ...and dads...let's just say most could not have given a flying fig about children's "educational development". Children were those little creatures around the house, doing their own little thing...God knows what that "little thing" was supposed to be.
I am also someone who grew up in a country that simply did not manufacture books for small children;
so the enormous amounts of hard cover, brightly colored books that I see in this society today simply did not exist when and where I grew up. Parents busting their vocal cords reading to 6 month olds who can barely sit up...OK, I am not even going to get into this bunch of bunk because it will not come out nicely.
When we started school at 7, as COMPLETE academic virgins (that is, we saw a,b,c presented to us for the first time in life) the schools did not ever waste one single breath reminding us to read books for fun. We had a lesson, we had a homework, we had to read it fluently for the next day - that's it.
However, here is what else was happening in that society: children had extremely few toys if any. Children also did not have any television because the government decided there should be only two hours of TV from 8-10 mainly with news about the president and how wonderful he was with building socialism - one single channel. In other words, electronic diversions did not exist.
Most people (including the blue collar types!) had large bookcases in the house with tons of books, mainly great classics, entire collections. The government printed lots of those, at very low cost, and you were considered boorish and just plain ignorant if you did not have those in your house; so everybody bought them!! There.
My first memories of reading were with a book the size of the Bible and similar print called "The Wonderful Travels of Niels Holgerson through Sweden". I was towards the end of first grade...and I can guarantee you that if my child was to read completely independently a book like this in first grade, he would be thrown into one of those coveted "Gifted" classes sooner than you can say "Genius".
I remember sitting for hours and reading it aloud to my grandmother who was literally buried in pots and steam, permanently cooking (not modeling reading for me!).
I ended up being an incredibly voracious reader throughout my childhood, pretty much devouring an endless number of huge volumes from Jules Verne to Alexandre Dumas to national writers and poets, to what have you.
My habit stopped abruptly when the Iron Curtain fell, the western stuff came in, I found out about pop culture and a pop star I developed an obsession for...and from that moment on (I was 14)...all the way into my early 20's I ceased reading ANYTHING for pleasure that did not have to do with the pop star.
Granted, I also managed to finish tons of grad schools, at Ivy League institutions, on scholarships, with zero debt at the end of the doctorate years (I am only mentioning this to make a point about reading to kids, not to self-raise a statue)...but yeah.
So much for reading to kids when they are very young so they will become readers later.
The larger environment is EVERYTHING - and today our kids no longer live in an environment conducive to reading. This is why most don't like to read. It is what I strongly believe.
I am someone whose parents NEVER read to her - and I do mean NEVER. The same was the case for all other children in my generation where and when I grew up. Likewise, I never saw my parents reading...though my father was often reading in his bedroom later before going to bed...but I only caught on later.
This is quite interesting because, I too, have no memory at all of my parents ever reading anything to me. However, I have a photograph of myself at approximately 1 year old with my nose in a [grownup] book. Many childhood photos of me include me reading books, or playing with books, or something to do with books. It seems that I have always loved them. I could read quite well when I started first grade when I was 6, and throughout my school years I consistently read at least three or four grades ahead of my current grade level. Reading is just something I have always loved and enjoyed. I bet I have well over 1,000 books in my library (although I have not read but a fraction of them). Books are like friends to me.
So I get that reading to children, really doesn't matter. I don't think it does either.
Interesting life story Syracusa, but I think you are connecting dots that aren't there. I have three kids, only one of them is a real reader, i.e., someone that loves to read and will read a back of a label if that's all that's available. All three kids were raised the same way. MY theory is that some kids will turn out to be readers and some won't. And some people become readers later. In my own family that I was raised in, all four of us were/are voracious readers. My parents didn't read to model reading, they just loved to read. I may have known that modeling reading was good, but that's not why I did it. I read because to me, reading is like breathing. You just do it.
So I get that reading to children, really doesn't matter. I don't think it does either.
20yrsinBranson
I think the difference it may make - if at all - is way, way smaller than the public has been made to believe by the Jim Trealeas-es of this world and by the armies of education experts who have been touting the importance of parental involvement and parental modeling for decades now. Today, after all of my life experiences, I am much more inclined to believe the Freakonomics guys.
This kind of recommended parental involvement often amounts to exhausting and unrealistic levels:
- tons of research sessions and trips to the library to check out JUST THE RIGHT KIND of books for your child's interests and learning style (which eventually turns into getting a PhD in library science, in and of itself).
- reading nightly and daily to the child and with the child.
- asking back questions to make sure his reading comprehension is not in La-La Land.
- reading for yourself IN FRONT of the child so he can see how the family is "collectively interested" in reading.
And I could go on.
Waow. Seriously?
I'll be......if my parents or most parents of children in my generation gave a flying fly about all of the above.
My family did happen to be a very conversational, literate and articulate family ... but they sure didn't do reading sessions with us and they sure didn't have the time to read as a family so they can "model" reading to us. It is in fact well known that most of the reading for pleasure happens during childhood and early youth...exactly because most adults no longer have the luxury to lie around and read for pleasure. The experts would make you believe that if adults do just so then... ta-da, children see them and then monkey-see, monkey-do, they will be readers for life!!!
I learned it the hard way that this is a bunch of BS.
Like many other children of my generation, I simply ended up reading a lot because I was not an athletic child (option no 1 for passtime in my childhood, which largely meant beating the ball in the street or hanging on bars designed for women to beat their rugs on); so I naturally ended up with option no 2 (reading).
There were no other options during my childhood.
The moment I was presented with option no 3 at the age of 14 (plenty of pop culture on a suddenly liberated television), I opted for option no 3...'cause....well... it's the easiest thing to digest: poppy, colorful and packaged as "cool".
Natural born genius I was not...to voluntarily choose "War and Peace" over "Pop Star du Decade"; so option no 3 it was when the environment made it available to me.
My point is that parents can only do so much - especially when they run against a system that is set up in such ways so that the children WON'T read.
Schools and parents can drum "Reading is great!" into children's ears until their mouths stretch all the way to the back of their necks; they can also set up "reading traps" all they want..if the environment is techno-commercial and consumerist ...the results are going to be the known ones for a good chunk of the young population.
MY theory is that some kids will turn out to be readers and some won't.
I wish I could believe your theory of randomness but i can't.
Then how do you explain that in the time and place I grew up in being a voracious reader was way more common than it is here today, or in my home country today.
Kids in my country today look like a completely different nation compared to children of my generation in the same country.
The socio-historical environment is huge because it sets the parameters for what is and what is not available for kids to do.
Then how do you explain that in the time and place I grew up in being a voracious reader was way more common than it is here today, or in my home country today.
Well it seems there wasn't much else to do besides read so lots of people read. Once more options became available people who really didn't love reading chose something else. That really isn't rocket science.
I am someone whose parents NEVER read to her - and I do mean NEVER. The same was the case for all other children in my generation where and when I grew up. Likewise, I never saw my parents reading...though my father was often reading in his bedroom later before going to bed...but I only caught on later.
My mother couldn't ever catch her breath, let alone relax with books in front of us...so she can "model reading" for us like Naomi Campbell models dresses for fashionistas.
Parents were way too busy with work (both mothers and fathers worked full time in a socialist society), mothers were too busy with cooking 100% from scratch, ALWAYS, after work hours ...and dads...let's just say most could not have given a flying fig about children's "educational development". Children were those little creatures around the house, doing their own little thing...God knows what that "little thing" was supposed to be.
I am also someone who grew up in a country that simply did not manufacture books for small children;
so the enormous amounts of hard cover, brightly colored books that I see in this society today simply did not exist when and where I grew up. Parents busting their vocal cords reading to 6 month olds who can barely sit up...OK, I am not even going to get into this bunch of bunk because it will not come out nicely.
When we started school at 7, as COMPLETE academic virgins (that is, we saw a,b,c presented to us for the first time in life) the schools did not ever waste one single breath reminding us to read books for fun. We had a lesson, we had a homework, we had to read it fluently for the next day - that's it.
However, here is what else was happening in that society: children had extremely few toys if any. Children also did not have any television because the government decided there should be only two hours of TV from 8-10 mainly with news about the president and how wonderful he was with building socialism - one single channel. In other words, electronic diversions did not exist.
Most people (including the blue collar types!) had large bookcases in the house with tons of books, mainly great classics, entire collections. The government printed lots of those, at very low cost, and you were considered boorish and just plain ignorant if you did not have those in your house; so everybody bought them!! There. I notice you didn't say everyone read them, just that everyone owned them....
My first memories of reading were with a book the size of the Bible and similar print called "The Wonderful Travels of Niels Holgerson through Sweden". I was towards the end of first grade...and I can guarantee you that if my child was to read completely independently a book like this in first grade, he would be thrown into one of those coveted "Gifted" classes sooner than you can say "Genius".
I remember sitting for hours and reading it aloud to my grandmother who was literally buried in pots and steam, permanently cooking (not modeling reading for me!).
I ended up being an incredibly voracious reader throughout my childhood, pretty much devouring an endless number of huge volumes from Jules Verne to Alexandre Dumas to national writers and poets, to what have you.
My habit stopped abruptly when the Iron Curtain fell, the western stuff came in, I found out about pop culture and a pop star I developed an obsession for...and from that moment on (I was 14)...all the way into my early 20's I ceased reading ANYTHING for pleasure that did not have to do with the pop star.
Granted, I also managed to finish tons of grad schools, at Ivy League institutions, on scholarships, with zero debt at the end of the doctorate years (I am only mentioning this to make a point about reading to kids, not to self-raise a statue)...but yeah.
So much for reading to kids when they are very young so they will become readers later.
The larger environment is EVERYTHING - and today our kids no longer live in an environment conducive to reading. This is why most don't like to read. It is what I strongly believe.
The interesting thing to note here is despite everything, you turned out to be a reader. It's who you were. You didn't become that way because your parents forced books upon you. You go so far as to say your parents were pretty uninvolved with your education - and yet here you are, distraught and attempting to control his likes and dislikes. You are doing exactly the OPPOSITE of what your parents did and what allowed you to become who you were.
To put a different spin on this, think to yourself if one of your parents was an architect or engineer who believed with all his/her heart that designing and building was the most noble of all professions and interests. Now imagine a young Syracusa, book being pulled from her hands, being forced to play with Legos every day in the hopes that she'd leave the books behind for a more important pursuit. How would that have gone over with young Miss Syracusa? Would you have eventually eschewed your beloved books for an erector set? And loved it?
Last edited by maciesmom; 09-13-2012 at 04:49 PM..
The interesting thing to note here is despite everything, you turned out to be a reader.
Nope. Not despite everything. Despite my family's involvement, but WITH the help of a larger environment devoid of junk.
Here is a big point you guys are missing: my parents didn't force me to do anything because the larger environment did the "forcing" for them. Boy, was it convenient for them or what. The kind of relaxed, adult fun-filled, social lives they had while having children in the house would be envied by Royalty.
My parents didn't have to play gatekeepers and place restrictions on TV and a litany of other facile diversions because those diversions did not exist.
Books existed in the house - and busy parents and grandparents. Nothing else. I am firmly convinced I would have chosen the path of facile diversions had I been left to my own devices and without any restrictions - in a social environment like my kids live in today.
In fact, like I said above, I did just that when I turned 14 - gave up on reading or any worthwhile endeavor to obsess over pop culture. Fortunately for me, the foundation for academic success had already been set by the environmental restrictions I had talked about earlier, and by an exceptional public school system with incredibly motivating, involved, amazing teachers. So I kinda got lucky.
I would not dare, in my darkest dreams, to leave my children to their own devices - actually to interested parties' devices - in the environment they grow up in today. It is a dramatically different environment from what I experienced, and one much, much less friendly to academic success.
If my kids had unlimited access to TV and electronics, and were left to choose when, how and whether to do their homework, when, how and whether to read, etc...without any involvement on my part - they would be in very bad shape; and I mean VERY bad shape.
Should I understand that we are talking about a "sink or swim" system, where only those "meant" to be readers should become readers? "If Nature/God meant for you to be a reader and an academically successful person, then may you be it...and if not, then may you perish in the jaws of Reality TV...just like most people who are not naturally inclined towards academics?"
'Cause most aren't.
I mean, come on: "War and Peace" in print or some superficial pop culture show on TV?
Hmmm...let's see ...who's going to pick the former in a state of glorious freedom? (as in "freedom of Powers that Be to throw facile junk at the population").
I suppose the very few genetically "chosen ones".
Who's going to pick the former when the latter does not exist?
Many, many more - academically inclined or not. Some of these academically not-so-inclined will become a whole lot more "academic" than they were "meant" to be by nature, simply for having been left in a room alone with "War and Peace" and no other outlet.
I know for sure I was one of those and not some "genetic elite". I managed to reach some pretty elite academic establishments not because I was in possession of some genes that rocked, but because I was lucky enough to grow up in an environment conducive to "more", not to "less" - academically speaking.
My kids are not that lucky and all they have is me fighting the systemic tsunami.
But yes, it can be tiring.
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