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Of course I allow them to call others if they forget their homework. I understand teaching a child consequences, but you also have to allow your child to learn how to solve problems. I don't understand why you would not allow your child to solve a solvable problem.
That's different than you calling and tracking down the assignment, which is what the OP was talking about.
That's different than you calling and tracking down the assignment, which is what the OP was talking about.
Exactly. What I was trying to see is if the method this particular mother had established early on in her daughters schools years - which she claims was a method to teach her daughter to overcome obstacles, learn alternatives methods etc, was in fact successful for others. My method of not calling others has seemed to work for my child. Yes I know all kids are different, etc. But I would think that after 6 years of forgetting homework, and calling others to get it, something hasn't clicked.
Now admittedly, this mother is on the extreme side..in everything. On a recent occasion, after forgetting to bring home the spelling, which on that particular day needed to have definitions researched, she told her child to go another child at their before school care, and to get the definitions from her. The other child gave her the work (this is more than getting the assignment, this is getting the actual work, which I know took my daughter over an hour) she copied it, and yet she didn't turn it in. I think the child has realised this was cheating. She lost her ipod for the week - not for not bringing her homework home, but for not turning in the copied work! What did that teach her...succeed at all costs, if only to satisfy her tiger mom. She constantly feels the need to call me and tell me what mistakes her daughter has made that week, and she bad mouths the teacher etc. I think she wants to me to say what horrible things my kid did. Not gonna happen. My child is by no means perfect, there is lots of fussing and fighting over homework, crying (mostly me) and the grades could do with some improvement, but no way will I share this with her. She would revel in it! (way off topic, sorry)
I would rather my daughter fail miserably at few times in 5th grade (and I don't think not doing homework has ever failed a 5th grader) than to fail in high school and or college, because I bailed her out.
We made the foolish mistake of micromanaging my smart, ADHD kid's forgotten and missed assignments from the get go. Became a major disaster in high school, when we couldn't bear to see him mess up his GPA from all the missed or "forgotten" assignments. Far better that we had let him flunk fifth grade than the nightmare we wound up with in tenth grade. I would let the kid suffer the consequences at this point, and learn to handle it herself.
Well, this is the way I was brought up as a Child.
First time: Yes, but last warning
Second time: No, I lose my grade and learn the consequences
Third time and after : Double Whammy . I get yelled at for asking, and for losing my grade that term.
You could try the same strategy with your child. It's the only way your child will be responsible.
Being irresponsible has its consequences. FYI, I was an Idiot to leave my backpack in the lab today. The consequence, I had to walk 1.2 miles back to the lab, only to find a police woman questioning me about the contents within my bag. I showed her that all I was carrying was a water bottle, notebook, calculator, pencils, and geometric equipment used in engineering. Thankfully, I was let go without further interrogation. THANK GOD.
Now admittedly, this mother is on the extreme side..in everything. On a recent occasion, after forgetting to bring home the spelling, which on that particular day needed to have definitions researched, she told her child to go another child at their before school care, and to get the definitions from her. The other child gave her the work (this is more than getting the assignment, this is getting the actual work, which I know took my daughter over an hour) she copied it, and yet she didn't turn it in. I think the child has realised this was cheating. She lost her ipod for the week - not for not bringing her homework home, but for not turning in the copied work! What did that teach her...succeed at all costs, if only to satisfy her tiger mom.
They don't have a dictionary at home? I would have definitely had the child call to get the words, but then she should have looked them up and written them down herself.
I see nothing wrong with a child who forgets calling a friend to get the assignment, but she should then do the assignment herself.
We made the foolish mistake of micromanaging my smart, ADHD kid's forgotten and missed assignments from the get go. Became a major disaster in high school, when we couldn't bear to see him mess up his GPA from all the missed or "forgotten" assignments. Far better that we had let him flunk fifth grade than the nightmare we wound up with in tenth grade. I would let the kid suffer the consequences at this point, and learn to handle it herself.
I completely agree with this, both as an OT who has worked with ADD kids and also as someone who has ADD. I would see all the accommodations they would give the kids even in older grades, that basically took all responsibility away from the student for remembering and doing assignments correctly, and I would think "who is going to make all these accommodations when the kid is in college, and even more so when he gets a job? As an adult, who is going to make sure he has all his receipts and records at tax time or remembers to pay the credit card on time?
It seems like many parents think that kids just grow out of it or something, but it never goes away. It is imperative that a kid with ADD learn strategies to help them deal with these issues, especially by the time they get to middle school. Myself, I would be lost without my plan book, and my timer, and the many other things I have to use to keep myself organized and functional.
We made the foolish mistake of micromanaging my smart, ADHD kid's forgotten and missed assignments from the get go. Became a major disaster in high school, when we couldn't bear to see him mess up his GPA from all the missed or "forgotten" assignments. Far better that we had let him flunk fifth grade than the nightmare we wound up with in tenth grade. I would let the kid suffer the consequences at this point, and learn to handle it herself.
Exactly. That is true in a lot of aspects of childrearing. We do children a huge disservice by not allowing them to experience pain, disappointment, and natural consequences when they are young enough that the outcomes won't permanently hamper their future prospects.
Got the call again...same child. But Math homework. My child was at Karate, told her to call back. She did..at 9:00. Expected my kid to read her all the questions - we are talking over 40 questions, a mix of simple decimal work, but also long word problems, at least 20. I was very proud of my kid when she said..I don't have time, I'm working on my own homework. Hung up the phone, commented that "XXX needs to remember to bring her homework home". And went back to watching TV..because her work was done.
Mind you, I have not brought up any discussions with her regarding giving the assignments to others, just told her she couldn't call. She came to this conclusion on her own. Some might say my child was being mean, etc. I think she has learned a simple lesson, do what you need to do or pay the consequences, and in her way trying to teach the other child.
And as some have pointed out, better to learn the lesson in 5th grade than college.
BTW - same kid..wanted to borrow her recorder over the weekend, since they had a test on Monday. Mine said "gross..I don't want your spit on my recorder". Don't blame her.
Not saying my way is better, but I am no longer doubting my decision. My hair style in the 80s..sure!
Expected my kid to read her all the questions - we are talking over 40 questions, a mix of simple decimal work, but also long word problems, at least 20. I was very proud of my kid when she said..I don't have time, I'm working on my own homework. Hung up the phone, commented that "XXX needs to remember to bring her homework home". And went back to watching TV..because her work was done.
Mind you, I have not brought up any discussions with her regarding giving the assignments to others, just told her she couldn't call. She came to this conclusion on her own. Some might say my child was being mean, etc. I think she has learned a simple lesson, do what you need to do or pay the consequences, and in her way trying to teach the other child.
Nah, she wasn't being mean. The same kid calling over and over would get annoying, plus it's inappropriate.
Nah, she wasn't being mean. The same kid calling over and over would get annoying, plus it's inappropriate.
However, she did lie. That's not good. LOL!
True!!! One lesson at a time. My kid is by no means perfect...and as parent I have made my share of mistakes. And after being berated by my "friend" for not letting my daughter call to get homework, I was second guessing myself.
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. I get yelled at for asking, and for losing my grade that term. 
Got the call again
My kid is by no means perfect...and as parent I have made my share of mistakes. And after being berated by my "friend" for not letting my daughter call to get homework, I was second guessing myself.
