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My son, as noted elsewhere, was diagnoised with Aspergers. He has been known to shut down when we try to engage him asto why his school work is so lacking. We don't accept "I don't know." But we don't always push the subject either. My wife, the more patient and compassionate of thw two of us, has been better at getting his true feelings out than I. He has claimed the boredom thing before as well as "I already know it anyway." Last year he basically failed Algebra 1 because he would not show his work. He'd figure it out in his head and think he was supposed to get something for that. He never grasped the concept that showing his work helped the teacher make sure he was really doing it in his head -- he was -- but it was also laying a groundwork for future Algebra problems he migt not grasp so easily.
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Originally Posted by DewDropInn
So what's he doing when he's NOT doing his elective work? He's piddling away that time doing something. Find out what.
He's drawing maps. Not atypical of some Aspies, he draws a lot of those. Or he's reading Rick Riordan books.
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Originally Posted by DewDropInn
Honestly, a lot of this sounds like you're just not connected enough. That's easily corrected.
Not sure what makes you think that from the few posts I have shared so far. But I know it's easy to be a C-D therapist able to diagnose all kinds of things from behind a keyboard. I'm one myself! Congratulations for pegging me.
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Originally Posted by DewDropInn
Even really great, smart kids like to sit and do a whole lot of nothing. Usually with their friends. You have to stay on them enough that they know that's not how life works when F's are on the report card. Especially on an elective.
You must punish your son for his F's. The reason he got them is because he was unorganized or lazy and didn't turn in his work. He is capable of earning better grades. If he doesn't learn how to be responsible now, high school will be a struggle for both of you. I would let the D in math slide, because your daughter is struggling with the concepts. Can you tutor her at home? Does her teacher tutor before or after school? You could try an online program or ap.
I think that punishment is appropriate but the OP needs to something IN ADDITION to punishment to help his son earn better grades. Just punishing him will not fix whatever the problem is.
IEP and 504 plans can help a lot of students with AS, here in south Florida IEPs are covered under the IDEA set of laws that grants academic rights to children in public schools who have an IEP. Not too sure about private schools, though. There are "last resort" private alternative schools around the Broward County area that are basically diploma mills where kids are passed through by any means necessary. I'm not sure that would fit for your children or if there are any schools like that in your area.
I back Dr. Phil on this -- I know, I know, but it is where I first heard the idea.Whatever they're "on restriction" for, it's not pinching them enough to change their behavior.
You need to find out what their "currency" is and then work it like hell. Find out what each one values above everything else and take it away, and make them earn it back.It's not easy and requires an incredible amount of fortitude, consistency and discipline on the part of the parents. But it does work.
Even my 8-year-old son understands that I will absolutely remove from his life what he holds dear if he doesn't take school seriously. I've done it before and I will do it as many times as I need to, for as long as I need to.I tell him going to school and trying hard is his job the way me going to work every day is my job. He understands the chain of consequences in life -- from good behavior to good habits to school performance to college opportunities to professional opportunities to making enough money so that you can decide how and where you spend your time and live your life. We have discussed it from the time he could speak.
I hope things work out for you.
We have had years of IEPs and about the only thing they have done is made sure we are on first name basis with all of his teachers, school counselors and the principal. FWIW, his elementary school principal loved him to death and would tell us that these years in school might be hard, but that he was pribably going to go far in life.
Maybe. But not with two Fs.
Meanwhile, almost everyone of his teachers say the same thing. Good kid, very intelligent, great sense of humor, but extremely stubborn about doing school work.
Since you have access to his grade book online, you can monitor it throughout the grading period and do a punishment and reward system on a weekly basis. If he has all of his homework turned for the week, each week, he gets to do X on the weekend. If he doesn't, X will happen. That way you're keeping on top of what he's doing and giving him continual incentive as opposed to endless punishment with no real way to motivate him to change since he's fine with the endless punishment.
Since you have access to his grade book online, you can monitor it throughout the grading period and do a punishment and reward system on a weekly basis. If he has all of his homework turned for the week, each week, he gets to do X on the weekend. If he doesn't, X will happen. That way you're keeping on top of what he's doing and giving him continual incentive as opposed to endless punishment with no real way to motivate him to change since he's fine with the endless punishment.
We probably could be a little more specific on granting him things based on grades. We all check their grades on line a lot -- me, my wife and the kids. It's been a great tool. My parents would have liked it back in the day.
I can only offer my own experience for a reference point. I have never been diagnosed with any disorder related to learning.
My elementary experience mirrors your son in that I seldom turned in homework. Oddly it was not due to intent, everytime turn in time came I could not find the paper. I had it and would find it later when looking for something else, but since the teacher told us she would not accept late work I did not bother to turn it in late or even tell her I found it. In my mind it was late and no longer was of any value or use. It might as well not exist, so I treated it as if it did not exist any longer.
School work was not overly difficult for me, but it presented challenges in neatness and organization that I was not getting credit for and so did not put much effort into. Sometimes I had other things I would rather do and the effort of making a presentable homework paper was of less interest to me than reading that book I found or finishing a puzzle, so guess what came in last in my time allocation?
I did not ever truly get into the swing of grade competition, but my best friend in high school was the class valerdictorian so I at least made an effort to keep my grades at a B level the last 3 years of public school just to show him I wasn't stupid, just under motivated.
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