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Old 10-29-2013, 12:48 PM
 
6,720 posts, read 8,385,247 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
I think that punishment is appropriate but the OP needs to something IN ADDITION to punishment to help his son earn better grades. Just punishing him will not fix whatever the problem is.
Since the boy has aspberger's I agree that he needs some additional help. I am sure he is very disorganized and unfocused during class time. Maybe you could meet with the teachers and see if they can help him fill out a work chart. It's easier in elementary because they have your child for most of the day, but some middle school teachers might do this. He would write out the assignment and check off when it is turned in. The teacher may be willing to initial it. Once he gets five assignments turned in, he gets some sort of reward. I would still punish him for the failing grades though. He needs to fear the consequences too.
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Old 10-29-2013, 01:47 PM
 
Location: Lauderdale by the Sea, Florida
384 posts, read 594,205 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Joe the Photog View Post
We have had years of IEPs and about the only thing they have done is made sure we are on first name basis with all of his teachers, school counselors and the principal. FWIW, his elementary school principal loved him to death and would tell us that these years in school might be hard, but that he was pribably going to go far in life.

Maybe. But not with two Fs.

Meanwhile, almost everyone of his teachers say the same thing. Good kid, very intelligent, great sense of humor, but extremely stubborn about doing school work.
I'm not sure where this idea of "grades equate to success" came from. With very little exceptions, grades mean almost nothing in the job market. Employers need people who can work together to solve a problem, not memorize facts (which I gander is a large percent of schoolwork). With all the grade inflation and buffer assignments, what does an "A" mean anymore? If grades are your only concern, send them to an "alternative school" where they pass all the kids through with minimum work (Here is one example from my local area). I'm not sure a diploma mill will help, though. After all, what are they going to do when they go to college?
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Old 10-29-2013, 02:03 PM
 
16,579 posts, read 20,700,000 times
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Because of the Asperger's, you can try having you or your wife sit with him at the start of his homework every night and check it when he's finished. Keep all map-drawing equipment away from him. You can probably get the assignments online, or ask the teacher to email them. He's smart, but he's not organized and easily distracted, so you're going to have to try to teach him those skills. If he's stubborn, you're going to have to finesse your way around that. Make sure he knows you're not punishing him, but trying to create a situation where he can get the work done.

If he were a neuro-typical kid, I'd say he's too old for that type of supervision, but you've got to meet him where he is, not where he should be.
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Old 10-29-2013, 02:51 PM
 
11,642 posts, read 23,898,990 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Meyerland View Post
Since the boy has aspberger's I agree that he needs some additional help. I am sure he is very disorganized and unfocused during class time. Maybe you could meet with the teachers and see if they can help him fill out a work chart. It's easier in elementary because they have your child for most of the day, but some middle school teachers might do this. He would write out the assignment and check off when it is turned in. The teacher may be willing to initial it. Once he gets five assignments turned in, he gets some sort of reward. I would still punish him for the failing grades though. He needs to fear the consequences too.
I agree that punishment has it's place. It just isn't enough.
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Old 10-29-2013, 04:09 PM
 
13,981 posts, read 25,942,367 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LPDAL View Post
I'm not sure where this idea of "grades equate to success" came from. With very little exceptions, grades mean almost nothing in the job market. Employers need people who can work together to solve a problem, not memorize facts (which I gander is a large percent of schoolwork). With all the grade inflation and buffer assignments, what does an "A" mean anymore? If grades are your only concern, send them to an "alternative school" where they pass all the kids through with minimum work (Here is one example from my local area). I'm not sure a diploma mill will help, though. After all, what are they going to do when they go to college?
They aren't going to college unless they get the grades beforehand to get accepted.
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Old 10-29-2013, 05:04 PM
 
Location: Richmond VA
6,883 posts, read 7,883,485 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Oldhag1 View Post
You might want to stick this in the education forum too. You don't say what grades they are in, and that matters. I taught middle school and when we had kids with chronic "I don't turn in work" issues we often put them on signed daily academic logs. They were responsible for getting their teachers to sign a sheet each day that said a) what work is due and b) that everything required that day had been completed and turned in. They, and only they, had the responsibility of doing all the writing and seeking the signature. It was very effective provided two things: 1) the parents actually checked and there were consequences, and b) the teachers actually checked what was written instead of blindly signing. It does no good whatsoever if the parent does not do daily follow through.
I agree with this. You may think your kids are too old for this level of monitoring, you need to do this with them until they can prove that they don't need it anymore.
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Old 10-29-2013, 05:48 PM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
24,012 posts, read 28,447,245 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
They aren't going to college unless they get the grades beforehand to get accepted.

Bingo...grades may not typically be discussed at a job interview post college however, grades are most certainly the main force behind getting into certain universities or programs. They also are the basis for many internships, honors opportunities and honor societies while in college. Which in turn open doors for prime job opportunities. College GPA may also be used to cull resumes. Without the grades, you may not even get the phone all for the interview.
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Old 10-29-2013, 07:43 PM
 
4,749 posts, read 4,320,893 times
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As a kid who all of a sudden started doing really poorly in school, I'd like for you to consider if your son is depressed. I knew something was wrong, but I didn't know what was wrong. I spent 1.5 years in misery. I failed 4 classes in that time period. I didn't even think I would graduate. I didn't turn things in. I didn't participate. I was lonely.
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Old 10-29-2013, 09:11 PM
 
3,493 posts, read 3,200,839 times
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My brother and I were all A's and a B or two every card marking (I got double promoted twice)...all this until the 7th grade. Junior high was just a joke, and in my memory a waste of 3 years. All day, every day just a unruly penitentiary. Learned nothing. Result? I brought home at least 3 D's that I remember (eighth and ninth grade) and my brother did too. Went on to HS and became A and B students again. It was a public school in a middle class blue collar neighborhood. Parents just told us to do the best we could, tough it out, and stay out of trouble. I think its a 12 - 14 year old thing. Most of those kids were vastly different by the 11th and 12th grades.
Don't know if that's your situation but thought I'd relate my experience. May explain why the boy doesn't want ot do his work.
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Old 10-29-2013, 09:12 PM
 
2,098 posts, read 2,499,377 times
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A lot of kids that age need extensive, hands-on assistance getting themselves organized and developing a system for turning things in. Some people get lucky and their kid is naturally organized (a very few) but most kids this age experience a drop in grades because 1. It's a hard age 2. The work load increases 3. The expectation for organization/responsibility continues to increase. I would make a check-sheet or some sort of daily communication you have with their teachers where the kids write down their homework and the teacher initials. Then you make sure all homework is checked off at home, then the kids get it initialed once it's turned in. Kids this age often need to be "taught" how to get organized, stay organized, and be efficient. Some people advocate natural consequences, and those are fine in some instances (like I agree with taking away electronics) but it has to also come with an active step of showing them HOW to be organized and monitoring them until it's in place and consistent.
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