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Old 10-31-2013, 08:35 AM
 
Location: Gaston, South Carolina
15,704 posts, read 9,409,420 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pinkmani View Post
As a kid who all of a sudden started doing really poorly in school, I'd like for you to consider if your son is depressed. I knew something was wrong, but I didn't know what was wrong. I spent 1.5 years in misery. I failed 4 classes in that time period. I didn't even think I would graduate. I didn't turn things in. I didn't participate. I was lonely.
Than you, Pink. This is a good observation. My wife and I were talking and we both agreed there may be some depression going on. Middle school is an odd time in general and his Aspergers does not help. Over the past two years, he has "melted down" at school at least three times. Once, his mentor came by and began talking to him about good behavior in school. Our son had what we call an "Aspies melt down" and later he said the mentor wasn't supposed to talk about behavior and grades; that's what parents and teachers were for. Another time his teacher tried to put the class all in groups to work and he didn't want this. So he asked to work alone and when the teacher at first wouldn't let him, he kinda went off on how he didn't think he should have to work with "these stupid kids." All in front of the class.

We've told him that these instances may be over and done with him as quickly as they happen, but other kids remember. Not to mention as the stories go around, they may not look much like what actually happened later on. So there is probably a lot of stress for him that may lead to depression. It is something to think about.
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Old 11-01-2013, 08:20 AM
 
Location: Lauderdale by the Sea, Florida
384 posts, read 592,232 times
Reputation: 577
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joe the Photog View Post
Than you, Pink. This is a good observation. My wife and I were talking and we both agreed there may be some depression going on. Middle school is an odd time in general and his Aspergers does not help. Over the past two years, he has "melted down" at school at least three times. Once, his mentor came by and began talking to him about good behavior in school. Our son had what we call an "Aspies melt down" and later he said the mentor wasn't supposed to talk about behavior and grades; that's what parents and teachers were for. Another time his teacher tried to put the class all in groups to work and he didn't want this. So he asked to work alone and when the teacher at first wouldn't let him, he kinda went off on how he didn't think he should have to work with "these stupid kids." All in front of the class.

We've told him that these instances may be over and done with him as quickly as they happen, but other kids remember. Not to mention as the stories go around, they may not look much like what actually happened later on. So there is probably a lot of stress for him that may lead to depression. It is something to think about.
Eh, tell him not to care what the other kids. After all, after high school, he probably will forget about the people who teased him for something he can't control. Making fun of someone for their mental disability is so low I can't even describe it.
And for what your son said about the group projects, I can sympathise. He probably does all the work while all th other kids ride on his coattails, so he probably wants to work alone because the other kids' standard of work isn't as good as he sees fit. (From your quote about working with "idiots", it seems like he really wants to rely on himself and himself only to get that A grade. Good job raising him with an excellent work ethic, dad.)
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Old 11-01-2013, 02:32 PM
 
95 posts, read 392,620 times
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Personally I would not (and don't) punish for bad grades. It never helps and in some cases supports the internal dialogue going on in the kid's head. We've all been there. I operated grades above my level but never got good grades except in history (the English teacher actually said I was "disturbed") for several reasons but much of it boils down to internal dialogue. I would suggest having them go the counselor at school if they are comfortable with it but don't bring up school and grades at home. My son is quite bright but very LAZY when it comes to anything requiring work and effort but school is school and home is home. Yes we discuss what he did in school that day and look at his work (graded and ungraded) and comment on his mistakes (to find out the right answer) but focus on the positives and say no more of it.

By the way...it really doesn't matter what other kids say, do, or remember when it comes to your child...they all have their "issues" and deal with them in different ways. Support and encourage his own self worth and less on what others think of him.
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Old 11-02-2013, 07:42 AM
 
Location: South Florida
924 posts, read 1,663,802 times
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For your daughter, I would ask the guidance department if there are teachers at the school who offer math tutoring. This is usually less expensive than going through the established private tutoring centers like Huntington and Sylvan. My experience with two different teachers hired as tutors has been that, not only did they get the child back on track in the subject for which they were hired, they also helped the child get organized in all their classes. The grades came up in every subject.

If hiring a tutor is not financially possible, perhaps the videos at the Khan Academy website would be helpful. They are free. My son(17) loves them. He is an excellent student but will use the to either clarify a lecture he heard that day or, when he is feeling lazy, he watches videos on the relevant subject to review for tests.

For your son, I am wondering if there is something going on in the classroom or with the teachers in these problem courses. I am not faulting the teacher, he/she may be fine, but for whatever reason, your son may feel reluctant to speak with the teacher about turning in late assignments. Perhaps he is not understanding what the assignment involves. It could also be fear of the oral discussion. Perhaps his reasoning is, "if I don't do the assignments, I don't have to talk in class." It could also be a kid(s) in that class.

I would talk to him and reassure him that you are simply concerned and want to help. I don't believe in punishing kids once the bad grade arrives. When I've noticed a negative trend developing, that's when we deal with it. If it's not getting things turned in, put your social plans/computer time on hold this weekend until you are caught up. If the material has become difficult, get online and watch some videos, get with a study group, get a student tutor or tell me and I'll hire one if things are that bad. One they're caught up, they are free to do what they want.
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