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Old 08-28-2015, 10:07 AM
 
Location: Living on the Coast in Oxnard CA
16,289 posts, read 32,210,857 times
Reputation: 21885

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I still live in the area where I grew up. Never thought that would happen when I was younger, but it has turned out well for me. I did not do well in high school at all. I had friends at school but I did try to avoid it as best I could. It is a hard time as we transition from being kids to being adults.

When I was in high school I would watch from the sidelines at others that were having the time of their life. The people to watch were those that were involved with ASB, sports, or some academic pursuit. I for one was less than motivated but did wish to be included in these kind of activities. On a side note many of my friends attended another high school. Still I have often wondered why I did not make the effort to jump into ASB or other school extracurricular activities.

I kind of think my problem started in the 7th grade. Myself along with six others were asked to take part in a special program. The seven of us were advanced in our educational level and many of us were already accomplishing 8th grade work. We were offered the chance to move up into the 9th grade the following year, if we were able to pass the State test that all 7th and 8th graders had to pass.

Here is the kicker, a very large kid that I had grown up with, "encouraged" me to not only take my test but take his as well. During the 3 or 4 days of testing I completed both my tests but also this "friends" tests. I would do mine first and then do his. I passed the test with some of the highest scores in the school and this kid passed every part except for the English segment, where we had to write a page or two. I did not have the time to finish his.

That kid was upset at me the next week when he found out that he had to take the English portion over again the next year. I became so upset at this idiot that I yelled out in class, "At least all you have to do is the English part of the test, its not like you have to do your test and someone elses test." We almost got into trouble for that.

I bring that up because I moved on to the high school leaving all my friends behind. I had to make new friends at the high school. Back then I was a very quiet reserved kid. I had went from Kindergarten to 7th grade with the same kids. In high school I had lost that connection.

I did end up making a lot of friends and the next year my other friends were at the school. One of the things though was a lack of direction at home to help me decide on what classes to take or how I could prepare myself for life. I ended up taking the easy classes. I guess everyone thought that the smart kid could figure things out on their own. That was not the case for me.

These are all excuses though for why I had a bad time in school. I realize now that I did not put in the effort to make things happen in High School. We chose to raise our kids differently. My wife and I have been there for our kids. We are part of the boosters at the high school. We have an active part in the school. IN June two of our kids graduated. Our kids were active in everything at school. ASB, Cheer, Football, talent shows, going to the dances. Our one son had an amazing high school career. He was the Sophomore Class homecoming prince. When he was a Senior he was voted Homecoming King without even running. He did not run because he thought the guys running needed it more than he did. This son was at the school many times from 6am till 9pm. He was there during the summer with Cheer practice and summer competitions.

After graduation he went on to get his first job and is now in college having the time of his life. My wife and I wish we could have had the same kind of high school career as our son. As a parent it was fun to be there watching him succeed in school. Our other son also did very well and they are at the same college. They had different pursuits in life, with one being more acedemic and the other with all the popular kids. Both were A and B students though.

The remaining three kids we have encouraged to join clubs, join ASB or anything else that helps with the high school experience. Our 9 year old daughter has already said she will be in ASB and Cheer like her older brother. Our son that just entered middle school wants to be the class president when he is in high school. At our high school you have to be in ASB for all four years to run for President. Our kids spent a lot of time at the high school and since we have another son that will be starting next week at high school the adventure continues. Foot ball season starts soon and I cant wait. Friday nights are a blast at the high school on home game days. Yes we will be there.
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Old 08-28-2015, 11:04 AM
 
2,639 posts, read 1,980,147 times
Reputation: 1988
Default purgatory

After 40 years the bitterness has faded.

But if your memories of school and classmates are overwhelmingly negative, you are inclined to view high school as a closed chapter best left in the past.
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Old 08-28-2015, 12:08 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,017 posts, read 20,840,623 times
Reputation: 32530
Quote:
Originally Posted by AtkinsonDan View Post
I agree. I could easily make myself known to the people from high school class. They maintain a Facebook page for school alumni. Those alumni association people need to respect boundaries and refrain from searching for people, many of whom probably do not want to be found.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
So well put, Dan! I've never understood why they don't take the hint, and leave us alone. What's the point in sending out the bloodhounds? Do they think they'll get money out of us? If so, they're alarmingly clueless.

Thanks for your post.
What's the deal about being "found"? Facebook is a PUBLIC thing, so talk about "boundaries" is rather absurd. If your alumni associations finds you, you don't have to respond, you don't have to attend anything, and to any mature, rational person it should be no big deal.
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Old 08-28-2015, 12:16 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,017 posts, read 20,840,623 times
Reputation: 32530
Default Why so few explanations of the bad experience?

With two notable exceptions (moxiegal and SOON2BEINSURPRISE), none of the people who have posted with such vehemence in this thread about how they hated high school (and the second poster didn't really hate it) made any attempt to describe their high school experience and explain why they feel so bitter about it.

I can't ask the OP to come back and explain because he or she has apparently been banned ("not a member" designation and no scales icon in the upper right). But how about some of the rest of you? I find the extreme negativity puzzling, so I am curious as to the reasons for it.
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Old 08-28-2015, 12:22 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,062 posts, read 107,003,261 times
Reputation: 115863
Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
What's the deal about being "found"? Facebook is a PUBLIC thing, so talk about "boundaries" is rather absurd. If your alumni associations finds you, you don't have to respond, you don't have to attend anything, and to any mature, rational person it should be no big deal.
What does FB have to do with it? As to being "found", idk, but the school sure makes a big deal out of it. And once they find you, I suspect they harass you to attend reunions, donate, get involved, blah blah. ugh. The point is, why are they even trying, after all these years? If people wanted to be involved or attend reunions, they know how to contact the school. Why does the school have a "help us find our missing alums!" page on their site? If someone wants to be incommunicado, let them. Why put so much effort into trying to drag them back into the fold?
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Old 08-28-2015, 12:26 PM
 
13,249 posts, read 33,374,613 times
Reputation: 8098
I'm impressed with the people that hated their HS but sadly remember it so well. I thought HS was okay. Not a highlight of my life, but it shaped me, as do most experiences, right? Once my own kids started school I realized how I could have done things differently. I wish I had participated more, volunteered more. My kids each found an activity they liked and just generally had a more enjoyable experience. I'm sure it wasn't the highlight of their lives as they all liked college much more and seem to also be enjoying their adult lives. The grown up me is not the teen me and I've consciously chosen to move past the bad part of HS and remember what was good. I've re-connected with some old HS acquaintances and some have become friends. I think it's easier since I live nowhere near my old school and think of it more nostalgically than the locals whose own kids now attend there.
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Old 08-28-2015, 12:29 PM
 
1,615 posts, read 1,630,744 times
Reputation: 2714
You may have more of a personality disorder. Never have heard such contempt yet no facts on what went on. You may want counseling but only if they didnt attend your high school.

High school was some of the best times of my life. Had average grades but loved the
school,teachers and had a few people I ran with. To this day I remember all my school years and the nice times in my life, friends etc but that was back in late forties until I graduated in 1961 and things were way different back then and school wasnt boring which seems to be the major complaint today.
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Old 08-28-2015, 12:49 PM
 
Location: ......SC
2,033 posts, read 1,669,159 times
Reputation: 3411
Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
With two notable exceptions (moxiegal and SOON2BEINSURPRISE), none of the people who have posted with such vehemence in this thread about how they hated high school (and the second poster didn't really hate it) made any attempt to describe their high school experience and explain why they feel so bitter about it.

I can't ask the OP to come back and explain because he or she has apparently been banned ("not a member" designation and no scales icon in the upper right). But how about some of the rest of you? I find the extreme negativity puzzling, so I am curious as to the reasons for it.

My HS experience was sad and unnecessary bullying. At the private school. The public school however, was the BEST year of HS I had. I greatly appreciate the friends I made and the experiences I was allowed to participate in.
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Old 08-28-2015, 01:02 PM
 
2,776 posts, read 3,957,117 times
Reputation: 3049
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spazkat9696 View Post
You need to let these feelings go....*snip* ... Most people hated high school but your feelings seem to be over the top.
^^^this^^^ This is a reality for most who attended Public High Schools in the US the past 30 years.

I can see why:
1) High School serves as a prison of sorts for young adults - given bizarre rules you must follow and attend "classes" most of which are to impart knowledge that will be of ZERO use in your future. You are given little choice as to what to do and where to go and you are constantly reminded of that.
2) Boys and Girls become Men and Women in High School... exploring sexuality, social structure, drugs/alcohol/other substances, and relationship development for the first time in their lives. Without guidance at home, many kids experience issues with one or all of these things.
3) Four years doing anything is significant in a young person's life... since these are technically the last 4 years in which a young person is supposed to be considered a child legally, you can see how influential they may be perceived to be on a person's entire life.

OP - I spent a lot of time and energy feeling like my high school years were wasted or that somehow I was a failure. I've have since learned how to reflect in a healthy manner on what happened and why and THAT has made a huge difference in how I now feel. Additionally, I now recognize we live on a time continuum... we are different people from who we were in the past... whether near or distant past. I am not my past, I cannot change it, so I choose to live in the present. BE HERE NOW... stop letting your "history" hold you back from the present like a "time anchor" and you will notice the happiness and love that surrounds you right here, right now.

Sending good vibrations your way.
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Old 08-28-2015, 01:23 PM
 
Location: Middle America
37,409 posts, read 53,295,190 times
Reputation: 53066
I have no overwhelmingly strong feelings about my high school years. They were pretty textbook.

I was neither the top of the social network, nor abysmally unpopular. I had a solid circle of friends and lots of random acquaintances that kind of floated between social groups. We weren't either the coolest nor the uncoolest kids. I was pretty heavily into my academics and extracurriculars (no sports, all fine arts)...honors student, musician, etc. Went to a lot of athletics stuff, mostly because I was in the band. I did all the normal rite of passage stuff...dated, though not super seriously, went to homecoming and prom, drove around with my friends. Wasn't a partier, drinker, into drugs of any kind. Did go to my share of parties, but never partook in anything. I got a lot out of high school, but by the time I was a senior, and getting ready to move away to go to college out of state, I was ready to be done; had pretty much outgrown it.

As for school itself, nothing seemed crazy or restrictive or bizarre. It was just school. Go, do the work, participate in whatever interests you, whatever. I was never a person who rebelled against school, I always liked it fine. I guess for people who bristle against rules and structure, it was a problem, but it never was for me.

I've gone to all my class reunions; they've been fun. Nothing earthshattering, but it's neat to see people and catch up. I never had any big dramatic problems with anybody or any social trauma that I'm still toting around with me like a chip on my shoulder 20 years after the fact or anything. Some people were dicks, but I didn't associate with them, so who cares? Are they still dicks? Dunno, maybe? Doesn't really matter.

My parents still live in my hometown area. It's a small town. Lots of former classmates still live there. My mom teaches a lot of their kids (and in some cases, even their grandkids, eek...having kids early isn't uncommon there). When I run into somebody when visiting, I usually take some time to converse and catch up.

Some people are mega bitter for decades after high school. Maybe I'm lucky that I didn't have a traumatic experience that's followed me around.
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