Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
All I can say is, it sucks that he'll be 19 when he graduates high school this year, when I started college at 17.
Is this really going to make a difference when he is 29 or 39 or 59?
I rather doubt it. Unless you keep bringing it up.
But, I'll share a different anecdotal comment. A male relative had a late summer birthday and entered kindergarten with some of the children 11 and 1/2 months older. I believe that there was at least one "red shirted" kindergarten boy who was a year and half older than him.
While he was bright, you could clearly tell that he was less mature than the other kids. He was the smallest & youngest looking boy in his class until HS. That intimidated him and apparently made him quieter and shyer. You could still see this timid-ness & hesitation all though elementary, middle school and high school. He always acted like he was younger than his same grade peers. It was until he was out of college for a few years that he seemed to "come out of his shell".
His mother felt that she had really done him a disserve by not holding him back a year and had him start kindergarten late or had him repeat kindergarten, even though academically he was always on target or even advanced for his grade. She truly felt, and when he was an adult her son agreed with her, that he would of had much different experiences in school if he would have been older rather than always the youngest boy in his grade.
We didn't repeat..... we just didn't start ours till he was 6. He's a June Birthday, so instead of being one of the younger kids, he's one of the older kids. We knew mentally he was probably ready, but from a maturity standpoint, no way. His way of handling stress was to cry, so we didn't think he was ready. He still does it once in awhile, but he's grown a ton in this regard. It was a great move. Hopefully, he isn't bored, because from a learning standpoint he's acing everything, but I don't think so.
Only things I remember are fingerpainting, outside recreation, and naps. Of course this was the school term fall 1949 - spring 1950. Pencils probably hadn't been invented yet.
On the first day, mom promised to wait outside all day, but when I peered through the window, she was walking away. Cried my a** off.
Outside there were swings, seesaws, and a sliding board. Climbed up the sliding board, got scared at the top, and climbed back down, making the other kiddos behind me get down too, and of course, pissing them off in the process.
Not exactly an auspicious educational start.
It's different now. My kid is in Kindergarten and it's full day. He can read, and does some minor addition and subtraction.
Is this really going to make a difference when he is 29 or 39 or 59?
I rather doubt it. Unless you keep bringing it up.
But, I'll share a different anecdotal comment. A male relative had a late summer birthday and entered kindergarten with some of the children 11 and 1/2 months older. I believe that there was at least one "red shirted" kindergarten boy who was a year and half older than him.
While he was bright, you could clearly tell that he was less mature than the other kids. He was the smallest & youngest looking boy in his class until HS. That intimidated him and apparently made him quieter and shyer. You could still see this timid-ness & hesitation all though elementary, middle school and high school. He always acted like he was younger than his same grade peers. It was until he was out of college for a few years that he seemed to "come out of his shell".
His mother felt that she had really done him a disserve by not holding him back a year and had him start kindergarten late or had him repeat kindergarten, even though academically he was always on target or even advanced for his grade. She truly felt, and when he was an adult her son agreed with her, that he would of had much different experiences in school if he would have been older rather than always the youngest boy in his grade.
Well, obviously, it's not going to make a difference at those other ages. But you know, teens are really focused on NOW. I know there've been some studies that kids who are held back have a higher HS drop-out rate. Now this kid in the post you responded to didn't; he's graduating this year.
Regarding your anecdote, everyone thinks their life would have been better if a different path had been taken. That's simply human nature. No one knows what it would have been like for this child if he'd been held back. I am a little surprised this continued through high school, as there's more mixing in the grade levels, at least at my kids' HS>
In the anecdote box, I know a girl who was held back and in high school she went to summer school to pick up credits so she could graduate when she should. She was ready to be done with it. It's possible if your relative had been held back, he'd have felt the same way.
The cut off dates for birthdates has been steadily moving up in New York State. Back in the 1950s, if a kid was 5 by Dec 31, he/she went to kindergarten. Only the most progressive school districts had Dec 1 as the cut off date. Of course, kids weren't retained in kindergarten back then ... but they were when they struggled in first and second grades.
Today, most school districts have a September 1 cut off date, and more parents decide to wait to send their less mature kids a year later. If a child is struggling enough to be retained, then the earlier the better. If a child is struggling academically because of his/her immaturity, pushing him/her forward is likely to produce a kid who hates school because he/she always struggles. Our nature as humans makes us hate/avoid things we repeatedly fail at whereas we love what we're good at.
It's tricky. I've seen it work out well and also seen it cause kids to have tremendous self esteem issues later on. Obviously we can't really know your child or his issues. I taught one student who really needed to be retained, as he was developmentally a three year old in every way, due to severe developmental delays. Others were fine through elementary school, but problems developed in middle and high school.
I would really hesitate to retain. It's almost March and you have five more months to get him ready. That's a lot of time.
See if he can attend summer school and if he doesn't progress, then potentially retain him.
I would immediately start private OT. In my experience, private OT is better than through the schools.
I will vouch for private OT (plus practicing at home). Our 4 year old has some delays due to epilepsy. He started private OT last November (so 4 months now) and the OT gave us homework to do every night. My son is now proficient with buttons and scissors, can write all his numbers and half of his letters. And his name. We are currently working on throwing and catching a ball, and getting dressed.
We are still going to redshirt him though, and he will start Kindergarten 4 days after turning 6. Academically he is ready to go next year (he can read fairly well and count to 100, etc), but his auditory language comprehension and maturity is just not there yet. If you told him to, say, go to the bathroom and then come right back, it may take you saying it 3 times for him to get it, and he might make it to the bathroom, but then you probably wouldn't see him again for like an hour.
At the school he will be going to, it is very common for the boys to be red-shirted. When my daughter started Kindergarten there last year, a good half of the boys in her class were already 6. If you retain in Kindergarten at a school that has a lot of red-shirts (generally higher SES schools), then I'm betting it will not be as much of a "deal" in later grades if your son is a bit older.
Those against repeating are speaking of neurotypical children. I don't think there is much data on having an ASD child repeat. The only problem I can see though is how much larger than other children he will be as he gets older and whether or not that will have an effect on how the students and teachers view him and on his self-esteem as he figures out that he was held back.
My grandson was not held back, but entered k later and he is a pretty small boy in terms of height and weight so unless he tells someone his age, they would not likely know he was a year older than the other kids in his grade. He turned 7 at the end of March in his kindergarten year. I also held my son out of kindergarten in the mid-70s as he was not mature enough socially for k, but they had a good handle on allowing him to progress at his own rate academically in the schools he went to. He was always cross-teamed for math and science.
I don't think fine motor is enough of a reason to hold him back, btw, as you can ask for typing as an accommodation. How are his academic skills? Maturity is your call, but I am not sure that he will mature so much in the kindergarten environment that holding back would be worth it. It's a difficult decision.
Former SPED teacher, here, and I think this perspective is quite valid^^.
Repeating may or may not be worthwhile for a student with ASD...much depends on other variables, such as quality of individualization received across grade levels, which might cancel out a need for repeating, and social factors (which may or may not end up being significant). Fine motor can be addressed by OT regardless of grade level (and additional therapy if what's received in school is insufficient may be helpful...some schools do a bang-up job with providing sufficient minutes of special services, others, not so much, and they have to be fought for), and an additional year of kindergarten may not have the desired effect of helping with social maturity, depending on what's going on with peer modeling, etc. It's also possible that social maturity will chronically lag in comparison to same-age peers, and obviously, holding a student back consistently due to this wouldn't be tenable.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
