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I grew up with immigrant parents who didn't know enough English to help me with my homework and projects, so I did everything myself. I got dropped off at the library, I thought of what search terms to use, I found the books/magazines myself, I checked out the books myself, I put together the projects myself. My parents hung out in the background and did their own thing, so I always felt very distant from them when I was in school. Looking back, I wish my parents could've helped me so we could have that traditional parent/child relationship.
I have children of my own now, and I'm giving them what I didn't have (I can help them with homework and projects). Now I feel like I'm doing it for them.
Ironic, isn't it?
Positive - I get to know what's going on in my children's education. It helps me develop my relationship with them.
Negative - I feel like I'm doing their homework for them!!!! Since I know English, when they can't think of what sentences to write, they ask me. When I tell them to think of it themselves, they whine and refuse, so I give in and think of it for them. Sometimes I wish I didn't know English so they could think of it themselves. I never thought I would have this thought. Irony!!
I grew up in a similar situation. My parents would drop me off at the library, too. It would have been nice to have gotten a bit more help in some things, but all went well. Well at least my mom really helped with the idiotic long division technique that was taught in the mid-sixties! She taught me the old-school method, so helpful. For the most part, I liked being able to make my own decisions and there was little pressure from my parents, a wonderful thing.
I felt that the independence gave me useful pride in my ability to be self reliant and resilient, which has helped me throughout my life. I always encouraged my kids do their own homework, although my husband and I would assist if really needed. For some reason, it seemed that in the mid to late '90's this parenting style was frowned upon by many teachers at the elementary level.
My parents were available but not exactly involved. I am the oldest of three and my two younger siblings sucked up most of my parents' attention. One sibling has always been disabled, the other got into an accident and became disabled. I did get a lot of attention before my brother was born... I was able to read very early thanks to that. After age 4-5 I pretty much did my own thing most of the time.
I did very well in school. Emotionally not so much, but academically I always excelled. As an adult I have trouble asking for help. Given my family situation it is no surprise I am one of those people who feel the weight of the world on their shoulders.
As a teacher and parent of teens now, I think parental involvement has gotten to a point where it puts a lot of kids at a disadvantage.
When I was growing up parents were much more hands off when it came to school. Sure, they might help us get the right supplies and books for a project but my friends and I did everything on our own. Now things have changed totally the other way. Starting early kids are assigned projects and are expected to get parental help. So those kids who don't are really at a disadvantage.
When my daughter was in 3rd grade she was assigned a project where she was to collect eight insects and mount them on a board along with their names and information. She diligently went outside and caught the bugs and I did buy her some supplies on which to mount them. She did all the work herself even if some of her specimens were a bit mangled. Her teacher had all of the projects displayed on a table and my heart sank when I saw the others. There were elaborate, glass-enclosed cases with exotic insects clearly not caught by a child along with professionally-printed descriptions. My daughter got a B while those others earned an A. While she was sad I was angry. As the years have gone on I learned that parental involvement was totally the norm, so kids who don't have help are punished as a result. It's easy to say that they are better for it in the long run but with the fierce, competitive nature of schools I am not sure of that..
As a teacher and parent of teens now, I think parental involvement has gotten to a point where it puts a lot of kids at a disadvantage.
When I was growing up parents were much more hands off when it came to school. Sure, they might help us get the right supplies and books for a project but my friends and I did everything on our own. Now things have changed totally the other way. Starting early kids are assigned projects and are expected to get parental help. So those kids who don't are really at a disadvantage.
When my daughter was in 3rd grade she was assigned a project where she was to collect eight insects and mount them on a board along with their names and information. She diligently went outside and caught the bugs and I did buy her some supplies on which to mount them. She did all the work herself even if some of her specimens were a bit mangled. Her teacher had all of the projects displayed on a table and my heart sank when I saw the others. There were elaborate, glass-enclosed cases with exotic insects clearly not caught by a child along with professionally-printed descriptions. My daughter got a B while those others earned an A. While she was sad I was angry. As the years have gone on I learned that parental involvement was totally the norm, so kids who don't have help are punished as a result. It's easy to say that they are better for it in the long run but with the fierce, competitive nature of schools I am not sure of that..
Yes. This is similar to what I have seen with science fair projects. After becoming an administrator, I was often sought out to judge science fairs because I had been a science teacher. One particular junior high foolishly allowed parents to stand with their kids while a fair judge would discuss the project with the student. At least that's how it was supposed to work. Too many parents couldn't shut their mouths, and would be answering all the questions. It sometimes became apparent it was the parent's project. When a kid can't tell you anything about a science fair project they supposedly did..well, it becomes quite obvious.
The odd thing is, when my kids were in elementary school it was EXPECTED that the parents would be very involved in their assignments. We were glad to help somewhat, but I felt that parents were expected to keep track of what the class was doing and be very hands-on. I felt that this was harmful to the students. I wanted my children to learn to be as independent as possible. We had moved to an upper-middle class area in a new state at the time, and it just seemed to be the accepted way.
I was glad to help out in the classroom. Just felt that homework should be primarily the domain of teachers and students.
I think my grandparents (who raised me) had it right -- they made sure I did my homework. And there was no trouble like the trouble if a note came home from the teacher.
Working in special education, it was always a mixed bag. Some parents were wonderful advocates and embraced the concept of a truly cooperative educational team. Some were adversarial and chip-on-the-shoulder right out the gate. Some were downright threatening to teachers and paras.
I agree. My school district has had several (actually numerous parents), of special education students, that were so damaging or threatening that the school has had to get restraining orders or put special restrictions on them.
I personally have had two different parents that have either attempted to injure me or threatened my life over educational disagreements. In one case their child did not qualify for Extended School Year (summer school)and the dad tried to chock me during a meeting and in the other case the child was far, far more cognitively disabled than the parent accepted and I refused to allow the child to be placed in situations where she could potentially hurt herself or get lost or be a danger to other children. Twenty years later I still sit with my back to wall, facing the door, in public places such as restaurants. I recently mentioned this parent to two former co-workers and they both also have ongoing (minor but ongoing) problems (nightmare and/or flashbacks).
Working in special education, it was always a mixed bag. Some parents were wonderful advocates and embraced the concept of a truly cooperative educational team. Some were adversarial and chip-on-the-shoulder right out the gate. Some were downright threatening to teachers and paras.
To me there were 3 types of parents involved in sped.
One type rabidly wanted services that were totally not justifiable.
Another type refused services that were badly needed.
And the third type worked with school personnel for the best outcome for their child.
In California fourth grade is know for learning about the Missions. Most schools had the children pick a mission and build it from paper mache or sugar cubes or something equally crafty. I did it almost 50 years ago when I was in 4th grade, my kids did it when they were in fourth grade.
However, by the time they were in 4th grade the school required the mission be built during class time. It seems it had gotten to be a bigger production every year until the point a fourth grade teacher thought a particular mission looked familiar. She flipped it over and sure enough, it was her mission, that had been remodeled and turned in every year for the last 20 years. She put a stop to that, and now the missions are actually made by the fourth graders.
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