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I think parents need to take it more seriously, when the school calls and says "hey your child is being a bully and we need your help in dealing with it" then they should. I also think schools should have a no tolerance for it and take faster, harsher, consequences for harassment
I have seen time and time again where a parent will try to talk to the parent of the bully and they get mad and mean and defend the actions of their child.
Im sorry this is kinda long...but this has been the worse experience I have had in dealing with a bully. But has a wonderful outcome
My 8 year old son has a speach delayment, hes been the target of bullies from to time, usually new kids.
But not many, he is well liked and calls everyone a friend.
One day while standing outside watching my child come home (schools across the street) I seen this other boy come up and for no reason what so ever pushed Garett face first into a snow bank, point at him and laugh, then run away. I called the school and told them what happened, they said they would check into it, I truely felt like they brushed me off. I was livid. I asked my son who that boy was, he said he didn't know, never talked to him or seen him before and didn't know why he did that.
I told Garett to see if he could find out who the kid was or what class he was in and to watch out for him the next day. I assured him I would be watching as well. I was watching all right, I had my camera with my zoom lens. Sure enough, next day this same kid come plowing towards Garett arms extended and pushed him down again face first into the side walk covered with ice, he had a bloody nose from it. This time I had pictures to find out who this kid was. Garett had been looking behind him but the kid had on a diffrent coat this time and he didn't recongize him because of that. After I snapped pictures I told my oldest son to make sure Garett was ok while I followed the bully home. Once I seen what apartment complex he went to I went back home and made sure Garett was ok, Garetts a tough little bugger and I was ok with following the bully before checking out his nose cause I could tell it wasn't broke just some scratches from the ice, and I knew in order to find out who this kid was and to stop it I had to do this.
By this time i follwed the kid, it was to late to go back to the school, but the next day I walked garett over to the school. I ment with the principle and showed them the pictures and I demanded to know who this kid was and why no one did anything when I called the first day. They made excuses and blamed each other for not passing on the information, they tryed to tell me it would be handed and told me I basically I could go home, but I wasn't having it. I wanted to know who the kid was, one of the ladies in the office knew who he was. So I demanded the parents to be contacted while I was in the office to hear. A message was left because no one would answer the phone. Jeff (the bully)was called to the office and shown the pictures. I asked to please leave my son alone. The principle also told him his parents had been contacted. The boy just smarted off and left the office.
Before sending Garett off to school the next day I told him, defend yourself this time, if he pushes you down, you get up and defend yourself, I wont be mad and you wont get into trouble. Well apparently before they reached the side walk area where I could see the bully pushed Garett into the brick wall. Garett tryed to defend himself but the bully ran off to fast. Other parents had witnessed it. So this time I went directly to parents home. I was trying to keep my composure and keep my temper in check, but from the get go the mother was mean and nasty to me, cursing at me, not only infront of her son but mine as well. I showed her the pictures and told her I was not going to stand there and fight with her but one more time and I was filing a police report and I would contact her husbands base commander (they were military) and file a harassment complaint and since I had proof of 3 prior reports it would not go over very well. Then I contacted the school yet again and told them if this boy was not repermanded in some way I was hiring a lawyer and contacting the local newspaper to tell them about how the school was ingoring my child being bullied and I would most certainly share the pictures with them as well. Garett always loved going to school but now every morning he was leaving in tears from fear. A meeting was set for the next day for all parties involved, the bullies parents and me. The parents was informed jeff would be suspended for 5 days, His mother came unglued, she just got all kind of stupid and showed her butt big time. Her husband just got up, he took their child and made him apologized to me, made his son apologize to my son, then he shook my hand and assured me this would not happen again and left. The mother was still carring on but left....or so I thought. After many apologies from the staff and principle we headed home to. As I walked out the front door, there she was...she came at me like a pit bull, fist fling, kicking screaming. I had no choice but defend myself. So her and I are going at it like 2 cats. They break us up, the police get called, everyone views the tapes, the school presses charges against her and so do I. Im embaressed beyond belief, im mortified that my child had to see something as scarey to him as his mom and some crazy woman fist fighting. All my neighbors seen it. I was just shocked. As neighborhoods go, the story of what happened leaked out and more kids started coming forward talking about Jeff bulling them too, but they was to scared to do much. I found out later the parents had been contacted several times about his bulling but they never did anything.
Jeffs fater came to my house one evening and asked me if I would agree to letting him take us to chucky cheese along with his son, he explained he felt like it would be good for Jeff to spend time with Garett supervised and then maybe they could be friends. I agreed and we took them to chucky cheese. The two was silent at first, didn't talk much, but Garett is so funny it wasn't long before him and Jeff was giggling and really playing. Jeffs (dad was jeff too)talked about how he felt his wifes anger issues is part of why Jeff bullied everyone. He said him and is wife was mgetting divorced and he was putting Jeff in therapy.
I told him I thought that was a excellant idea and refered him to the therapist I sent Garett to.
Garett lost his best friend almost a year ago in a house fire on is 7th birthday morning. Garett seen the fire as it was happening because his bedroom window is on the 2nd floor, the building complex that burned was within clear view of our house and Garett seen the flames shooting out from Trays window. I was in the shower when my oldest son some bursting in screaming and crying, I could hear Garett screaming and crying to, then I heard all the sirens. I pulled Garett away from the window and would not let him watch, but it was crazy because 6 other kids was hurt, no other deaths though. Garett was suppose to have spent the night there that night with Tray but because plans was changed when his dads work schedule changed. Garett didn't go. Because these two was always side by side the therapist even came to school and worked with him, they sat side by side in school, the teacher rearranged the class room the week Garett was out, to lesson the shock of walking back in and seeing the empty desk. Tray always "protected" Garett if anyone tryed to pick on him. Garett has not had another really close friend since all that happened.
Several months have passed now and I am glad to say that Jeff and Garett are two peas in a pod, they play at each others house and Jeff no longer bullies anyone. And best of all they call each other best friends. In a very strange way all this was a blessing because now my child laughs more and has a best friend again and Jeff learned just because someone talks funny or is diffrent don't mean they can't be fun to hang out with.
I will not tolerate one of my children being bullied and tormented like I was as a kid. I teach my kids not to make fun of others or bully others. But sometimes that seems to make them a target. I also teach my boys to defend themself if they have to and if they see someone else being bullied or picked on, tell someone, help them, and keep telling someone until someone does something to stop it.
Now cyber bulling seems to be the big thing amung teens. Parents have to pay attention to what their kids are doing. As much as we all love to think our little angels are sweet and would never hurt someone like that, we have to be realistic and know that sometimes it bully or be bullied. If your kid is being bullied, stop at nothing to prove it and put a stop to it because more and more sucides are happening because of bullies.
Last edited by alaskarain; 03-24-2008 at 08:37 PM..
This is the perfect opportunity for your children to learn how to protect themselves
Remember they are young let them experience some hurt and pain and overcome it now before they become adults. They will be better for it.
When I was in first grade I changed school and being the new kid, other kids tried to pick on me. I did not have much experience with violence so I had to learn to use my mind. I would use words to defend myself. This skill came in very handy at later points in my life.
Eventuallly I got sick of talking smack so I taught myself how to streetfight by sparring with friends again this skill would help me later in life as well
I moved to a different town for junior high and on the first day of school this rich kid tried to start a fight with me. I beat the living snot out of him in front of half the grade. I sent him to the hospital. Later on that year the other big bully in my grade started a fight with me and I beat the snot out of him too.
The next year a fat kid who wanted to be popular tried to use me to make a name for himself, and I made him cry in front of the whole school, and I chased him around the whole day.
By now I was sort of a troublemaker so I decided to give it a rest. Eventually however by sophomore year another kid tried teasing me, and once again I made him cry by insulting him about his height. See he was short and had napoleonic complex
Life is not kind, and is not supposed to be easy, not every experience is supposed to be happy. It is about experiencing everything, learning from them and then applying what you gained later on.
If you do not believe my story I will give you the phone number of the school and the name of my teachers and you can ask yourself
I, personally, do not believe there are such things as bullies.
Therefore, I fail to see why the school officials should be at blame.
Is your belief anything more than that? As someone who works in the education environment, I know students do have the potential to instigate and bully other students if and when they can. Sometimes this potential is turned into actions and words be it in the hallway, bathroom, gymnasium, through rumor or via the email, instant messaging or text messaging.
Blame is a separate issue for a separate post but I'd be interested to hear more about your first statement.
This is the perfect opportunity for your children to learn how to protect themselves
Remember they are young let them experience some hurt and pain and overcome it now before they become adults. They will be better for it.
When I was in first grade I changed school and being the new kid, other kids tried to pick on me. I did not have much experience with violence so I had to learn to use my mind. I would use words to defend myself. This skill came in very handy at later points in my life.
Eventuallly I got sick of talking smack so I taught myself how to streetfight by sparring with friends again this skill would help me later in life as well
I moved to a different town for junior high and on the first day of school this rich kid tried to start a fight with me. I beat the living snot out of him in front of half the grade. I sent him to the hospital. Later on that year the other big bully in my grade started a fight with me and I beat the snot out of him too.
The next year a fat kid who wanted to be popular tried to use me to make a name for himself, and I made him cry in front of the whole school, and I chased him around the whole day.
By now I was sort of a troublemaker so I decided to give it a rest. Eventually however by sophomore year another kid tried teasing me, and once again I made him cry by insulting him about his height. See he was short and had napoleonic complex
Life is not kind, and is not supposed to be easy, not every experience is supposed to be happy. It is about experiencing everything, learning from them and then applying what you gained later on.
If you do not believe my story I will give you the phone number of the school and the name of my teachers and you can ask yourself
lolz
You didn't turn into a bully, did you? Sending a kid (rich or poor) to the hospital sounds
"serious". What do you mean by "troublemaker"? I hope having to fend for yourself for so long didn't make you more agressive when you got into a fight then you might have been.
You chased a kid around for a whole day? When you look back does that seem like overkill?
You knew you could beat him so you continued to go after him all day? Correct me if I'm wrong but that smacks a little (at least) of bullying. You were making his life miserable because you could. When you look back do you wish you would have just let it go after you made him cry in front of the school?
If a child has such emotional problems that they are making another person miserable on a regular basis, experts should intervene. One would think in a school there would have to be some experts in child psychology observing the children on a regular basis; especially if they have been alerted to a specific child's obvious aggression issues. A child that is overtly aggressive probably has a reason that is causing them to act out with a lack of empathy that is different from his/her peers. Adults with supposed expertise in dealing with children need to spot this and sort out these issues for the benefit of the child (who is acting out) as well as their everyday peers.
The officials will never do anything to stop it they think it is all part of socialization, go figure.
This is one reason I homeschool. I get the question "what about socialization"... and I say that the socialization in school is much more detrimental to children than it is good for kids.
Personally, I think the bullies and their parents should be held accountable for their actions. The parents are ultimately to blame for allowing their child to think that it's ok for them to harm or torment anyone. And no matter what there should be severe consequences for bullying of any kind.
I homeschool, so I don't have to worry too much about bullies. My sons have come across some, but because they don't have to deal with them every day, they are better equiped to stand up for themselves. And they know, that if they are being mean or unfair to another child, including their each other, they will be in deep bandini! LOL
Quote:
Originally Posted by NJ Chutzpah
By now I was sort of a troublemaker so I decided to give it a rest. Eventually however by sophomore year another kid tried teasing me, and once again I made him cry by insulting him about his height. See he was short and had napoleonic complex
This story sounds like you were the bully not the one being bullied.
A good school will try to deal with bullying, and bullies, but keep in mind that many bullying sorts today are very clever, doing such mean things in more subtle ways -- on computers, via text messages on a cell phone, and the like.
Parents also need to let their children know that in the event they are being bullied, they need to speak to some adult they trust, and reassure them that while they (the child) may be bullied, the adults can't, or won't, be and are actually in a better position to put a stop to it.
Most school policies address bullying and the consequences, or the steps the school will take to stop it. Some teachers will turn a blind eye to it, but they should be reprimanded by their superiors, or at least 'peer pressured' by colleagues, to take action if they are aware of mean acts. I know sometimes a very young teacher may not know how to handle it, or small, or frail, teachers may be afraid of getting hurt if they get in the middle. If I knew I couldn't handle a situation, I always notified somebody, however.
When a school fails to take action, the parent has a responsibility to take the steps necessary to address the problem, such as a poster here did, by going to the police and filing a report. If not your child being bullied, you can rest assured that another's probably is being tormented.
Some things some children are just not equipped to handle, or finesse.
First of all on all instances I was the one being attacked first
My point is I learned how to defend myself at an early age and it helped me out A LOT later on in life.
Kids should learn how to defend themselves, their is nothing wrong with that
I have never in my life bullied anyone in my life
There is nothing wrong with self defense, and I did not go overkill. Have you been around kids these days? They are pretty sadistic from watching too much TV I guess
I to had to learn to defend myself as a kid in school, and it is something I do teach my guys..Don't start no crap but don't take no crap either.
However, times are not like they where when we was kids, back in our day we meet after school have a good old fashioned knock down fight and thats pretty much that, but now days these kids that are targeted go on shooting sprees then everyone becomes a victim because, parents and other adults who could and should of helped, didn't. There is to much violence in this world as it is, it sounds like many are condoning bullies in order to teach our kids "lessons they need later in life"
I am told our middle school has a "zero tolerance" for bullying. We will see, child is going this year. The counselors at the school say that they have found that a. girls are worse bullies than boys and b. middle school has the highest incidences of bullying.
Son was always small for his age so he takes karate classes. Once the kids find out he is doing karate, they pretty much leave him alone. He is well liked though. They are taught to only strike out in self defense. I hope he never has to.
I was bullied as a pre-teen by 2 girls. Never told my parents because I honestly thought they would not do anything and I thought it would be worse for me if I did tell. I blame the clueless teachers, they had to have known what was going on yet chose to look away.
I have no tolerance for bullies - as I currently have one for a neighbor, was bullied growing up, and regularly stood up to bullies when they made fun of a friend of mine that had palsy growing up. I think contacting the police is a great idea if the schools do not act.
My view is that bullies learn it somewhere - either parents or big bros or sisters... and the parents should be held accountable.
I honestly don't know what the schools do about cyber bullying. I am very worried about that.
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