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Several posters here have posted reasons why teachers and administrators favor bullies. The big question is, what can be done about it?
We hired a non-profit organization that specialized in the prevention of bullying. They spent one day working with we administrators and counselors, one full day of inservice with teachers, and then we had three student assemblies that tacked various aspects of bullying.
Very well said. Like you said, there are a variety of costs, and students, teachers, and administrators are all somewhat to blame.
Now, my question is, since you identified several problems, what solutions do you recommend?
That's the tough part. In our school it took tackling each "group".
Group 1: Parents. I sent out a letter to our parents stating that were experiencing problems with bullying. I outlined what we were going to do about it. Defined what constituted bullying. Made it clear that bullies would receive in-school or out-of-school suspensions (depending on the severity of the incident). And invited parents to an evening discussion program about bullying (few attended). When I mentioned defining what bullying is...I once had a parent storm into my office because her daughter was being bullied. I took out my legal pad to take notes, and the "bullying" was that her daughter hadn't been invited to a birthday party. Oh my.
Group 2: Administrators & Counselors. Vice-principals (who, at least in our school, handled most of the discipline issues) needed to fully understand that our school would not tolerate bullying. Every case was different, so each would be handled differently, but each case of bullying would be handled. Of course, the problem here was often a lack of evidence. In our system, you couldn't suspend a student with nothing more than "he said/he said". But even when that happened, it didn't mean that parents couldn't be called in for a conference, and we made sure that parents of bullying victims often had the option of filing a report with the police. In terms of counselors, if they received complaints about bullying they had to refer the incident to an administrator, AND they had to consider counseling for both the bully and the victim.
Group 3: Teachers. We had a full-day inservice for teachers on bullying; it was done by a D.C. regional non-profit organization that specialized in bullying. And, I made it clear that there was not going to be anymore of this boys will be boys attitude of acceptance. There were two or three teachers where I had to spell it out even more clearly in a conference -- if you are aware of bullying and do nothing, there will be a letter placed in your personnel file.
Group 4: Bullies. There were suspensions (some in-school, some out-of-school), and in one or two instances, recommendations for expulsions. All of those resulted in letters in the permanent record. Counseling.
Group 5: Victims: They will be listened to. Counseling.
Group 6: General student body: Several assemblies where the problem was outlined, where it was emphasized how unfair bullying is, and what to do if you experience or witness bullying. This was handled by that outside group. What was good about that group was that they were all well-trained and in their early to mid-20s, and seemed pretty hip.
Student Resource Officer: If a case of bullying had the potential to "go legal", we involved our School Resource police officer from the beginning. It's a pretty tough conference when the parent and student is sitting across the table from the principal and a uniformed police officer.
BUT, you can never end all bullying. But you can make it better.
But there are a few students who are chronically bullied. Our school had a higher-than-average rate of students who were somewhat transient, meaning that they often changed schools due to parent job movements (I'm talking here more about parents who moved because they were in the military or in government jobs, rather than due to poverty). And occasionally one of these rather transient students would be a victim of bullying. And when the parents would come in to discuss bullying incidents, they'd tell me that their (usually) son had been bullied in perhaps a half-dozen different schools. How do you explain that?
It doesn't mean it's their fault. It doesn't mean they're not the victim. But why would some students be victims throughout their school history, even when they've moved from one school system to another?
It's fairly simple: new students are often targets for bullies. New kids often don't know anyone and don't have a support system in place, which makes them easy targets.
So there blows another hole in the theory that it's the victim's fault.
And sometimes victims have issues that seem to make them a magnet for bullying. That doesn't excuse the bullying, but when you have a student who is a chronic target, maybe there are some skills to teach the victim. I've seen parents (usually the father) of bullying victims who want their son to "stand up to" the bully, which the victim is not at all prepared for, resulting in the victim being bullied more.
I think your assessment of the problem is spot on, but what sort of advice do you have for parents that have a student that is a chronic victim? Both my children are small for their age, sensitive personalities, pretty introverted kids with limited interest in mainstream pop culture, so bullies do find them. The school district has limited resources for addressing bullying & very little interest in training teachers to try and promote a bully free environment. It seems like most of the anti-bully efforts just give the bullies new ideas on what to try.
We try to push the just ignore them, but it gets hard to ignore a bully that finds amusement in stealing your & your friends' stuff. My son's solution ended up being to get in a fight with the main bully back when he was in 6th grade over the stealing & he ended up serving a day of ISS & the bully also got in trouble for the fight plus he had stolen goods on him when the fight got broken up. I don't know what punishment the bully received, but that was the last time my son got picked on by another student.
I work from home with a lot of flexibility from Sept-May, so home school my daughter was the only solution I've found that works. She's 2E (LD specialist's diagnosis, not mine), so school wasn't really able to meet her academic needs in the first place.
Last edited by wildflower_FL; 07-10-2018 at 11:53 AM..
Reason: typo
It's fairly simple: new students are often targets for bullies. New kids often don't know anyone and don't have a support system in place, which makes them easy targets.
So there blows another hole in the theory that it's the victim's fault.
You seem to get hung up on people thinking it's the victim's fault. That's not really what we're saying.
Here's a pretty good write up: https://www.universalclass.com/artic...the-victim.htm You'll note that it identifies 4 types of kids that are chronic victims of bullying: 1-"They usually don't have a lot of friends, or are considered loners"; 2-"They often appear as weaker to the bully...the person is not likely to stand up for themselves"; 3-"tweens and teens...who have...special needs"; and 4-"not assertive".
Here's another good site: https://safe2tell.org/?q=bullying-prevention-parents This article outlines a number of perspectives, but also outlines characteristics of chronic bullying victims, among them:
physically weaker than peers, ineffective in physical play or sports, poor social skills, difficulty making friends, overly sensitive, quiet, shy, insecure and poor self-esteem, difficulty standing up for themselves in peer interactions, choose to relate to adults more than to peers.
This is a very good and concise summary of who bullying victims tend to be: Eyes on Bullying
It's fairly simple: new students are often targets for bullies. New kids often don't know anyone and don't have a support system in place, which makes them easy targets.
So there blows another hole in the theory that it's the victim's fault.
And you see, there's your first mistake -- you think bullying is simple.
There aren't many things in the human psyche that are simple.
I think your assessment of the problem is spot on, but what sort of advice do you have for parents that have a student that is a chronic victim? Both my children are small for their age, sensitive personalities, pretty introverted kids with limited interest in mainstream pop culture, so bullies do find them. The school district has limited resources for addressing bullying & very little interest in training teachers to try and promote a bully free environment. It seems like most of the anti-bully efforts just give the bullies new ideas on what to try.
We try to push the just ignore them, but it gets hard to ignore a bully that finds amusement in stealing your & your friends' stuff. My son's solution ended up being to get in a fight with the main bully back when he was in 6th grade over the stealing & he ended up serving a day of ISS & the bully also got in trouble for the fight plus he had stolen goods on him when the fight got broken up. I don't know what punishment the bully received, but that was the last time my son got picked on by another student.
I work from home with a lot of flexibility from Sept-May, so home school my daughter was the only solution I've found that works. She's 2E (LD specialist's diagnosis, not mine), so school wasn't really able to meet her academic needs in the first place.
Of the attributes you mention (which I bolded), three of the four things can be worked on. To be honest, if anyone has a chronically bullied child, I would recommend counseling.
Of the attributes you mention (which I bolded), three of the four things can be worked on. To be honest, if anyone has a chronically bullied child, I would recommend counseling.
My husband & I both have all four of those attributes so the kids come by them naturally enough. Developing a thicker skin & improving social skills takes time, but we are working with the kids on that. Do you have any other suggestions that work besides learning how to fake an interest in mainstream culture (which also takes time) or show the bully that you are willing to get dragged into the principal's office?
It seems like from my own experience & experience from other people that post here, showing the bully you are willing to risk getting suspended is the best solution for quickly becoming a hard target. I'd really like to know if there is another one.
I'll check out the links you posted in a previous post tonight, they looked like they may be helpful.
And you see, there's your first mistake -- you think bullying is simple.
There aren't many things in the human psyche that are simple.
But you and others here have a very simple explanation for why bullying happens. It is the fault of the victim for having certain attributes which you believe he can control. But many things are not the child's control at all. Such as their race, having a disability, coming from poverty, having autism, learning differences...
You believe the simple answer is that it's the fault of the victim and the victim simply needs to "change" or get counseling.
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