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Psychiatrist? Medication? A therapeutic private school with very small classes?
How long is the district willing to keep him in the behaviorally disordered classroom? Maybe if they see that he is doing well there, and that it is an appropriate setting for him, they would be willing to keep him there. The fact is, if he goes back to the regular school setting, and does something horrible there (like strangling another child), the district could be sued, and pay far more than it would have cost for your son to be sent to the finest private psych boarding school in the country, for the next ten years! Even without that happening, if you were to demand that the only appropriate setting for him would be a psychiatric therapeutic boarding school, and that the district had to pay for it, it would be much more expensive than just keeping him in the behaviorally disordered classroom.
By the way, I understand that as his father, you want to defend your child. But strangulation is not an appropriate response to being gossiped about. You need to change your attitude, or pretty soon you will be defending the anti-social behavior that lands him in prison for a long, long sentence.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RoadLessTraveled2015
You make a lot of excuses for your child... A lot of excuses.
This. X 1000.
He shouldn't be in any school until he can stop strangling others.
Thanks guys. I didn't really ask for your input about that. Although, he didn't strangle him. The reports from those he saw said he grabbed his neck and pushed him.
Given I didn't really ask for parenting advice, you can leave that part out from now on since it's unrelated to the question.
I think people might be misunderstanding what I'm saying.
I don't see where I made excuses, but I was talking about something different when mentioning the learning environment in public school. That's not what is causing him to behave that way, as at home we are addressing his power struggle attempts as well, and something like this could happen at his current school as well if he gets into a conflict with another student and doesn't control himself.
What I meant was that the way this school is structured limits the ability for him to be under stimulated which is helpful for now. That's irrelevant to what he did though and nowhere did I say the exact words that it's a valid excuse for the behavior.
I don't really understand the person who claims I'm not worried about any of this either, as you could see otherwise if you actually read the discussion.
Also, he is in therapy which I've said three times now, so telling me I need to take responsibility and get him into therapy is also showing you've not read the post.
Thanks guys. I didn't really ask for your input about that. Although, he didn't strangle him. The reports from those he saw said he grabbed his neck and pushed him.
Given I didn't really ask for parenting advice, you can leave that part out from now on since it's unrelated to the question.
I'll respect that you wish to stay on task of : Alternative solutions for a combative and aggressive child who still requires education.
1: Put him in a full time Military school. There he will thrive in having strict advisors and adhere to behavior. The curriculum is high standards as well.
2: Or the courts can intervene next time he assaults another person. In which a reform school will be the mandate.
Lets go for Option 1.
There is no Middle ground for this disciplinary challenged kin....
As to him giving "hugs" to teachers that is also inappropriate behavior. No teacher is to accept such contact by any student ( no touch policy) ...Even a handshake must be done in public areas and must be witnessed by superiors.
Go read the conduct of faculty regulations. Its in there.
My child is turning 11 this Sunday, and is in the fifth grade. He struggles a lot with impulse control and anger management. He just got done being grounded for taking money from my wallet and lying about it (which he owned up to and accepted the punishment pretty well, btw). He also has been suspended for kicking wood chips in a kid's face who started to bully him and other students. He hit the big one a couple weeks ago when he put his hands around a kid's throat after he found out he was spreading rumors about him. He is in weekly counseling and we talk all the time about his behavior and alternatives.
His consequence for the incident was he has a restraining order from all campuses except for the disciplinary school for 45 days.
The good news is he is doing very well there, and had several good days straight where he was given their top behavior status and rewarded. The bad news is he doesn't want to go back to regular school. I asked him what is better about this school, and he said it is only about six or seven students at a time, and the teachers don't go through a bunch of crap explaining the agenda and answering a ton of questions about it from the entire class. He also likes that they don't spend so much time explaining everything as it is a small class, and he finds it much less stressful.
The main issue with this is if he thinks he gets to get out of his regular school by acting up, it could cause him to do something worse and the consequence next time could be juvenile detention, which would be horrible for him, not to mention the fact that given my mental health and emotional issues one of my kids being locked away would probably ruin me too to have to witness it.
I'm employed with the district, so get to see how he interacts at school every now and then when my assignment is at his school. He can be the most adorable child among them too. He is very sweet with how he interacts with the adults there, the teachers look forward to when he comes up and gives them hugs when he hasn't seen them in awhile, and he is always messaging me telling me he loves me and misses me when we are apart for several days at a time. He just cannot control his anger though, and I don't want him to be put back into an environment that is poor for him.
Other than online school where he doesn't have to be around others all day that can upset him easily, I can't think of too many other options. Online schooling worked for me, but that was due to my autism and I didn't need to have someone make me do my work, but I don't think he is motivated enough for that. I don't think self contained special education would help him much, because he is too gifted, and usually due to the LRE laws, they wouldn't be able to place him in a class separate from others.
It does sound like your child needs to be tested for EBD. He is displaying some neon signs of a child who both needs and would qualify for those types of services. From what you are describing indications are he, along with everyone else in the school, would benefit from him being more appropriately placed than in the general classroom.
If he were older just staying at the alternative school might be a credible option. Most of the districts I have worked in will allow a high school student, and in rare cases a late middle school student, to stay in an alternative setting if that is the only place they can be successful. Generally, it is parents who balk at such a placement. These days kids, including gifted ones, that must be segregated in a self-contained class for behavioral disabilities can get the academic part through dual enrollment in online classes - it’s a matter of getting the IEP written in a way that allows/requires it. Sometimes, the LRE is a self contained room.
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My child is turning 11 this Sunday, and is in the fifth grade. He struggles a lot with impulse control and anger management. He just got done being grounded for taking money from my wallet and lying about it (which he owned up to and accepted the punishment pretty well, btw). He also has been suspended for kicking wood chips in a kid's face who started to bully him and other students. He hit the big one a couple weeks ago when he put his hands around a kid's throat after he found out he was spreading rumors about him. He is in weekly counseling and we talk all the time about his behavior and alternatives.
His consequence for the incident was he has a restraining order from all campuses except for the disciplinary school for 45 days.
The good news is he is doing very well there, and had several good days straight where he was given their top behavior status and rewarded. The bad news is he doesn't want to go back to regular school. I asked him what is better about this school, and he said it is only about six or seven students at a time, and the teachers don't go through a bunch of crap explaining the agenda and answering a ton of questions about it from the entire class. He also likes that they don't spend so much time explaining everything as it is a small class, and he finds it much less stressful.
The main issue with this is if he thinks he gets to get out of his regular school by acting up, it could cause him to do something worse and the consequence next time could be juvenile detention, which would be horrible for him, not to mention the fact that given my mental health and emotional issues one of my kids being locked away would probably ruin me too to have to witness it.
I'm employed with the district, so get to see how he interacts at school every now and then when my assignment is at his school. He can be the most adorable child among them too. He is very sweet with how he interacts with the adults there, the teachers look forward to when he comes up and gives them hugs when he hasn't seen them in awhile, and he is always messaging me telling me he loves me and misses me when we are apart for several days at a time. He just cannot control his anger though, and I don't want him to be put back into an environment that is poor for him.
Other than online school where he doesn't have to be around others all day that can upset him easily, I can't think of too many other options. Online schooling worked for me, but that was due to my autism and I didn't need to have someone make me do my work, but I don't think he is motivated enough for that. I don't think self contained special education would help him much, because he is too gifted, and usually due to the LRE laws, they wouldn't be able to place him in a class separate from others.
I'm guessing there is something about your child that lends himself to being bullied and/or mocked. I stand in a different corner than most here, In a certain respect I support your child fighting back physically and not permitting himself to be denigrated. It would be much, much better if he could verbally spar and make the other kids not want to bully him, but perhaps he isn't capable or doesn't know how to do that.
The counseling will hopefully help him. When you talk with him yourself, perhaps you can also reiterate how the physical confrontations where he perhaps overreacts with physical force are problematic. In addition to the potential legal consequences, at some point a really big or mean child is going to rearrange his face. So I respect the fact that he has the courage to take steps to not let anybody push him around, but ultimately in addition to being a physical combatant he has to find another way to deal with the bullying.
Now regarding the wallet incident. Do you know why he went for your money in the wallet? I'd find this incident to be upsetting because it speaks to trust. Do you think it was a one time incident, or is it going to be perpetual?
It does sound like your child needs to be tested for EBD. He is displaying some neon signs of a child who both needs and would qualify for those types of services. From what you are describing indications are he, along with everyone else in the school, would benefit from him being more appropriately placed than in the general classroom.
I think people might be misunderstanding what I'm saying.
I don't see where I made excuses, but I was talking about something different when mentioning the learning environment in public school. That's not what is causing him to behave that way, as at home we are addressing his power struggle attempts as well, and something like this could happen at his current school as well if he gets into a conflict with another student and doesn't control himself.
What I meant was that the way this school is structured limits the ability for him to be under stimulated which is helpful for now. That's irrelevant to what he did though and nowhere did I say the exact words that it's a valid excuse for the behavior.
I don't really understand the person who claims I'm not worried about any of this either, as you could see otherwise if you actually read the discussion.
Also, he is in therapy which I've said three times now, so telling me I need to take responsibility and get him into therapy is also showing you've not read the post.
At the end of the day, your kid is acting out & has serious issues. He is still around other kids. That's what I meant by you're not worried.
Pull him to protect others. Homeschool.
Last edited by toobusytoday; 12-08-2019 at 10:39 AM..
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