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I can't even believe this is an issue. If my child harmed another child, I don't care the reason, his mainstream education days are over.
What happens when the student does more than "just put a choke hold" on another student? A student with known issues? Then what? Do we worry about stigma then?
I feel badly about a child having serious mental issues but I don't feel badly about saying he better not even have a chance to harm my child.
We had a child who bit a chunk of flesh out of a teacher's arm. Not just a "broke the skin" bite...a chunk of flesh that resulted in the need for multiple surgeries and permanent nerve damage.
We had a child who bit a chunk of flesh out of a teacher's arm. Not just a "broke the skin" bite...a chunk of flesh that resulted in the need for multiple surgeries and permanent nerve damage.
Absolutely Outrageous.
I would love to know the parent's explanation and/or reaction...
After having read people's posts on the online option, I agree.
But what to do...if your child cannot handle a mainstream school and likes the alternative yet parent does not?
I guess at the end of the day, if a permanent decision isn't made, one will be made for the student anyway as he'll be out of options per the restraining order against him.
I've heard of a school that is an alternative to an alternative school. I never knew such a thing could possibly exist until I knew a person who worked there. I think one can pay to have their child sent there.
Op, google "behavioral health rehabilitation school" or I can give you the name of a few if you're close enough to Philly and you PM me.
If the disciplinary school is working out for him can he continue to attend? Maybe a combination of that plus online schooling that could have some eccelerated classes.
My son had high functioning autism and was main streamed and had some advanced classes. At about the age your son was at he started getting overwhelmed with all the noise and distractions, social issues mostly, in Jr High. Things got better, a little, in Highschool, more maturity help a bit. He would come home with his nerves raw and take a while to decompress sometimes. Maybe he is just overwhelmed right now. Has he been diagnosed with autism spectrum?
Maybe the small class size and less pressure, less social pressure too, is what's best for your son. Would having him stay at the disciplinary school beyond the 45 days an option? Could his IEP be adjusted so he can stay there? Maybe a combination of that and online school. I don't think staying home and doing everything online is good, may be too isolating. Since a disciplinary school are you concerned about the influence of other "problem kids" on him.
Are there other alternative schools your son can attend. Since you work in the school system are you aware of the FAPE,,not sure if that is the correct letters, "free and appropriate education" . Ask your district about alternative schools.
Last edited by Izzie1213; 12-20-2019 at 10:50 AM..
I have autism and online high school worked for me. I realized I was creating a lot of the drama, but in high school every time I walked down a hall I was pretty much harassed by someone or someone had to make a comment about what I was wearing, what my hair looked like, yelled my name in attempt to mock me, made fun of me being overweight, and it just got too much when a girl was poking fun at my weight and I made a remark about her being Jewish and said something pretty nasty in relation to it. I apologized to her and she admitted to the AP that she provoked the incident and it was someone else who told, not her.
So, the people who are bursting out in anger typically have others who purposely provoke them because they know they have emotional issues that they can get to them easily for.
I don't ever condone the kind of violence or xenophobic remarks I made to people as a result of my anger, but typically I'm not going to get all sympathetic and all apologetic to the parents of the kids that get hit either, because they are bullies.
I think the alternative school is helpful as there are only about 8 students in his class, so each time a potential for an outburst happens, the teachers are there to put an end to it and limit relational aggression.
Even in his regular school, he has follow ups with the admins and counselors regularly, so I'm trying to teach him to hold off any attempt to seek retaliation and talk about it with him, as they may have a better way to handle it. Usually, after someone had awhile to sit and think about it, they will typically not respond the same way. The problem with that though, is being told just to ignore it and walk away doesn't work, as the frustration is going to be let out in another form and need to be released.
Let's let go for a minute of the issue of "who started it" because I think you understand as an adult that this isn't a problem that's going to go away. Bullies are going to grow up, and the type of relational aggression may change from overt slurs in the hallways to nasty remarks online, or people freezing him out when it's time to form teams at work or go out to lunch... he's going to eventually have to learn to deal with those behaviors and those sorts of bullying people without punching people or strangling them, or he's going to turn 18 and end up in jail. And a lot of that DOES have to do with internalizing self worth, learning to ignore people who are jerks, and gravitating towards people who AREN'T jerks.
However middle school is a rough, rough time because most kids (I hate to say this), aren't real kind all the time at that age. Even kids who are kind when they're in front of their parents and who their parents and teachers consider good kids may not necessarily always be kind to other kids in the hallways, may not stick up for other kids being bullied... it's an age where there's a lot of pressure, a lot of hormones swirling around, and no one really feels very good about themselves.
Which brings me to my original point. If your son feels like he does better in the alternative school, a smaller placement where there's less stress, a better ratio of teachers to kids so problems are less likely to happen and more likely to be dealt with quickly if they do, why not keep him there? Why not continue getting him therapy, work on his self esteem, find activities that he loves where he can meet friends in a smaller setting outside of school, and consider keeping him there during this period. Maybe at some point later down the road when his anger management issues are better under control and kids are older and more mature, he goes back. But I see no reason to force it now.
Last edited by kitkatbar; 12-22-2019 at 10:41 AM..
The elephant in the room is funding. This therapeutic day school may well cost $100,000 per year. I'm going to guess that Nathan can't afford to pay that from now through 12th grade. Which means that he needs to convince the district that it's necessary in order for his child to access his education and to keep himself and his peers and the staff safe. And that is very unlikely to happen if the child isn't identified under special ed, because that's where the funding for out of district placements comes from. Nathan, it's been asked and you haven't answered - does your son have an IEP? He may or may not qualify, but that's what your options likely hinge on.
His IEP addresses educational needs for the gifted program.
He wants to stay at the alternative school, but we don't have an answer as to whether it will be allowed to happen, as it's meant to be a 45 day program only.
The frustration is also likely a lot that other kids witnessing are either laughing and encouraging the bully or ignoring it, and standing up to bullies is something emphasized over and over, so he feels wronged and betrayed.
I don't call it an excuse, but when the school just gives the other kid a slap on the wrist and a warning, I don't really work with them much.
We're trying to see if he can stay there, but it's looking to be a no as they kind of dance around the issue when asked.
Last edited by Nathan777; 12-22-2019 at 12:46 PM..
Online schooling was up for discussion, but I think many people here who have been strongly encouraging it have been doing so because they don't actually give a crap about what my child benefits from, but have hatred and are thinking of only the stigma behind children who have anger management issues. There were lots of low and hateful people posting on this thread.
Or maybe they are encouraging online school because they are concerned for their own child’s safety. This isn’t just run of the mill 11yr old boy behavior. I don’t blame a child for sticking up for themselves against a bully but your son is very violent. My husband and I have tried very hard to teach our children to be kind always and to try to be friends with everyone but their is a limit to what they should have to put up with.
Or maybe they are encouraging online school because they are concerned for their own child’s safety. This isn’t just run of the mill 11yr old boy behavior. I don’t blame a child for sticking up for themselves against a bully but your son is very violent. My husband and I have tried very hard to teach our children to be kind always and to try to be friends with everyone but their is a limit to what they should have to put up with.
Thisssssssssssss.
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