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Old 09-19-2020, 09:33 PM
 
2,061 posts, read 3,171,885 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist View Post
I can't be the only one who noticed it. It seems like every school event above 4th grade is overwhelmingly couple-centric: pretty much all the dances, roller skating nights, obviously the prom, and even some athletic games too. Coming without a date can harm your reputation. (Theatre plays and band concerts seem to be the exception, but these aren't exactly "cool" things in the school world.) The school officials always say that a date isn't required and you can come with friends, but unwritten social message is clear as day: come with a date or don't come at all. Whatever the school officials do to send a "date mandatory!" message, intentionally or unintentionally, it does happen.

I, personally, think this is a bad idea. First off, it causes relationships to be driven by a strife for social status, rather than by feelings of love and attraction. Second, because coming to those events with a date is considered cool, it causes kids to mindlessly rush into relationships just to join the "cool kids club". Those relationships can be good sometimes, but equally often, they can be incompatible or even toxic. Breakups can be painful as well.

Thoughts?
I think it's a generational thing and I don't see what you see now as a high school teacher. I went to high school in the mid and late 90s and it was very risky to attend homecoming, sadie hawkins or prom without a date or go with a group of friends. I've been a high school teacher for now 17 years and overwhelmingly more often than not kids at my school (1,900 plus) go as friends or as a group to these dance / social functions. It's as if they want to "keep their options open" haha or at the least not seem like a "loser" who has zero friends. Either that or they have actually have listened to us who went to school 20 years ago and none of us ended up with our high school sweetheart or prom date haha.

I'll take a stab at the historical purpose of these social events. Probably some time after WWII and in the 1950s the Prom concept came of modern age or at least the concept we know today. The 50s and early 60s promoted dating norms of having one steady girl and one steady guy who you attended social functions with. As a result that norm became function tradition and today it continues as far as expectation to a degree but maybe not in terms of reality. Like I said more and more kids it seems attend in groups of friends or come by themselves. At least as far as I have witnessed.

Interestingly enough Prom in my time (late 90s) represented the last time you and your high school SO would ever be well SO's haha. You might continue your relationship into the summer but as soon as you set foot on campus as a college freshman you forgot his or her name haha. I lost count the number of couples I went to school with, some who dated 2-3 years in high school only to "suddenly" break up not too terribly long after prom senior year.

My own mom and dad went to the same high school (class of '67), went to the same prom (with different people) and eventually ended up together. Went to the same school, same prom, never danced with each other at prom, ended up getting married 2 years later mid way through college haha.
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Old 09-20-2020, 07:52 AM
 
Location: Crook County, Illinois
4,855 posts, read 2,229,884 times
Reputation: 6500
Quote:
Originally Posted by greenvillebuckeye View Post
I'll take a stab at the historical purpose of these social events. Probably some time after WWII and in the 1950s the Prom concept came of modern age or at least the concept we know today. The 50s and early 60s promoted dating norms of having one steady girl and one steady guy who you attended social functions with. As a result that norm became function tradition and today it continues as far as expectation to a degree but maybe not in terms of reality. Like I said more and more kids it seems attend in groups of friends or come by themselves. At least as far as I have witnessed.
It's true that expectations and reality are seldom one and the same. But when you're a teen in school, meeting your peers' social expectations is everything. So even though it's technically OK to go to a dance with a group these days, the expectation laid down by the popular kids is that you come with a date, end of discussion. Hence the disconnect between what's expected and what actually happens.

Quote:
Originally Posted by greenvillebuckeye View Post
Interestingly enough Prom in my time (late 90s) represented the last time you and your high school SO would ever be well SO's haha. You might continue your relationship into the summer but as soon as you set foot on campus as a college freshman you forgot his or her name haha. I lost count the number of couples I went to school with, some who dated 2-3 years in high school only to "suddenly" break up not too terribly long after prom senior year.
This paragraph ties into what I mentioned in my first post. The expectation and necessity of having a date for dances often causes kids to get into or stay in incompatible, if not outright toxic relationships, just to have a guaranteed date. Then, once these events pass, the relationship quickly disintegrates, because there is no longer any glue to hold it together. Heck, I'm guilty of this myself, although I did it first year of college. (When mentally, kids are a little more than high-schoolers who can smoke and vote, anyway; maturing happens in second year.)
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Old 09-20-2020, 10:46 AM
 
1,476 posts, read 377,407 times
Reputation: 4072
Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist View Post
It's true that expectations and reality are seldom one and the same. But when you're a teen in school, meeting your peers' social expectations is everything. So even though it's technically OK to go to a dance with a group these days, the expectation laid down by the popular kids is that you come with a date, end of discussion. Hence the disconnect between what's expected and what actually happens.

This paragraph ties into what I mentioned in my first post. The expectation and necessity of having a date for dances often causes kids to get into or stay in incompatible, if not outright toxic relationships, just to have a guaranteed date. Then, once these events pass, the relationship quickly disintegrates, because there is no longer any glue to hold it together. Heck, I'm guilty of this myself, although I did it first year of college. (When mentally, kids are a little more than high-schoolers who can smoke and vote, anyway; maturing happens in second year.)
It's 2020 MU. Leave the past, if you're able.
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Old 09-20-2020, 11:01 AM
 
Location: North Dakota
8,410 posts, read 10,123,669 times
Reputation: 12789
Quote:
Originally Posted by StealthRabbit View Post
Thoughts... Many (millions) of us think SCHOOL (USA style) is a bad idea.

Social development? When else in LIFE will you be forced to be in an age segregated holding pen, waiting for the Kill Floor?

Fortunately we never had to deal with dating (Grandparents, parents, kids, grandkids, spouses). Developing natural and genuine / caring relationships is a better start, than playing a "Façade" game to impress your peers.

Don't be disappointed, just be more responsible. caring, 'adult like'.

Life is fragile, handle with care. (That includes emotional / validation / feelings of others)

Don't hurt them (intentionally or not).

I had several classmates die during school years, that was very humbling for learning the importance of how to treat / respect others. You may not get the opportunity to say "I'm sorry, I was very thoughtless of your feelings. I will purpose to honor you and others in the future."
What did I just read?

Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist View Post
I can't be the only one who noticed it. It seems like every school event above 4th grade is overwhelmingly couple-centric: pretty much all the dances, roller skating nights, obviously the prom, and even some athletic games too. Coming without a date can harm your reputation. (Theatre plays and band concerts seem to be the exception, but these aren't exactly "cool" things in the school world.) The school officials always say that a date isn't required and you can come with friends, but unwritten social message is clear as day: come with a date or don't come at all. Whatever the school officials do to send a "date mandatory!" message, intentionally or unintentionally, it does happen.

I, personally, think this is a bad idea. First off, it causes relationships to be driven by a strife for social status, rather than by feelings of love and attraction. Second, because coming to those events with a date is considered cool, it causes kids to mindlessly rush into relationships just to join the "cool kids club". Those relationships can be good sometimes, but equally often, they can be incompatible or even toxic. Breakups can be painful as well.

Thoughts?
It seems to me dances are the only things you need to bring a date to in high school.
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Old 09-21-2020, 08:14 AM
 
Location: NorCal...The Bay Area
4,952 posts, read 1,211,853 times
Reputation: 3675
Quote:
Originally Posted by greenvillebuckeye View Post
I went to high school in the mid and late 90s and it was very risky to attend homecoming, sadie hawkins or prom without a date or go with a group of friends.




What is sadie hawkins?
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Old 09-21-2020, 08:42 AM
 
Location: Crook County, Illinois
4,855 posts, read 2,229,884 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
What is sadie hawkins?
It's another way of saying "turnabout dance": girls ask guys to be their dates.
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Old 09-21-2020, 08:49 AM
 
Location: NorCal...The Bay Area
4,952 posts, read 1,211,853 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist View Post
It's another way of saying "turnabout dance": girls ask guys to be their dates.



Oh....you mean in the old days before gay students could go? I never heard of that....when I went to high school, anybody could ask anyone for all dances. I never asked a guy to any dance....they asked me...BUT, some of my friends did. You could also ask just a friend. It was all very open.
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Old 09-21-2020, 05:16 PM
 
16,688 posts, read 19,267,530 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
What is sadie hawkins?
https://www.timeanddate.com/holidays...ie-hawkins-day

November 13 is annually celebrated in the United States as Sadie Hawkins Day. Inspired by events in the comic strip, Li’l Abner, this uniquely American holiday encourages women to take charge of their lives and to ask men out on a date.


The made-up holiday was first featured in a comic strip called Li’l Abner created by American cartoonist Alfred Gerald Caplin, also known as Al Capp. In the comic, Hekzebiah Hawkins, a long-time resident of Dogpatch, is worried about his unmarried daughter, Sadie Hawkins. Concerned about her inability to find a suitable husband, he declared a Sadie Hawkins Day, where Sadie chased the eligible bachelors in town in order to find herself a husband.

In the Dogpatch universe, this idea took hold among other unmarried women, who mandated that Sadie Hawkins Day be held every year.

Breaking Society’s Rules
The comic strip became so popular that towns and colleges around the country started declaring their own Sadie Hawkins Day and organizing Sadie Hawkins Dances, where women could break the societal rules of the day and ask men out.

In many ways, the day became a way for women to become assertive and take their dating choices in their hands. During the time of its publication, only men were expected to ask women on a date or propose marriage. A woman doing that was often considered too forward and of low morals.
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Old 09-21-2020, 09:11 PM
 
Location: NorCal...The Bay Area
4,952 posts, read 1,211,853 times
Reputation: 3675
Quote:
Originally Posted by nana053 View Post



The made-up holiday was first featured in a comic strip called Li’l Abner created by American cartoonist Alfred Gerald Caplin, also known as Al Capp. In the comic, Hekzebiah Hawkins, a long-time resident of Dogpatch, is worried about his unmarried daughter, Sadie Hawkins. Concerned about her inability to find a suitable husband, he declared a Sadie Hawkins Day, where Sadie chased the eligible bachelors in town in order to find herself a husband.

In the Dogpatch universe, this idea took hold among other unmarried women, who mandated that Sadie Hawkins Day be held every year.

Breaking Society’s Rules
The comic strip became so popular that towns and colleges around the country started declaring their own Sadie Hawkins Day and organizing Sadie Hawkins Dances, where women could break the societal rules of the day and ask men out.

In many ways, the day became a way for women to become assertive and take their dating choices in their hands. During the time of its publication, only men were expected to ask women on a date or propose marriage. A woman doing that was often considered too forward and of low morals.




Thank you nana....I didn't know what Li'l Abner was either...

When I went to high school, it was Ok for us to ask the guys or to ask a friend to any dance & there were around 5 same gender couples I remember at 2 or 3 of the dances my senior year. I never heard of a sadie hawkins dance.

I'm lucky to not have experienced that kind of societal rule in school.....BUT......I would be lying if I said I preferred to ask the guy than be asked. Tho if he was already my Bf....nobody had to ask...we just knew we'd be going together.
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Old Yesterday, 12:15 PM
 
16,688 posts, read 19,267,530 times
Reputation: 16677
Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
Thank you nana....I didn't know what Li'l Abner was either...

When I went to high school, it was Ok for us to ask the guys or to ask a friend to any dance & there were around 5 same gender couples I remember at 2 or 3 of the dances my senior year. I never heard of a sadie hawkins dance.

I'm lucky to not have experienced that kind of societal rule in school.....BUT......I would be lying if I said I preferred to ask the guy than be asked. Tho if he was already my Bf....nobody had to ask...we just knew we'd be going together.
You are probably too young to have experienced that rule. I was in high school in the early 60s and it was quite common then.
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