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I will say, though, that just because a child is ready to start Kindergarten at 4 does not necessarily mean they'll be ready to start college at 17.
That makes no sense. Age differences matter less as you get older, not more. The difference between a 4-year-old and a 5-year-old is equivalent to the difference between a 68-year-old and an 85-year-old, while the difference between a 17-year-old and an 18-year-old is equivalent to the difference between a 68-year-old and a 72-year-old, which is obviously smaller. If my son can keep up with 5-year-olds when he's 4, he'll definitely be able to keep up with 18-year-olds when he's 17.
If, however, for some weird reason, he's not ready to start college at 17 despite having been ready for Kindergarten at 4, we'll let him take a gap year.
I will say, though, that just because a child is ready to start Kindergarten at 4 does not necessarily mean they'll be ready to start college at 17.
Of course. Each child is different. Some kids are ready educationally, physically, socially, and emotionally at a younger age while others are not. (And technically, my nephew began doing college level coursework at fifteen due to post secondary option. Plenty of kids back home do the same as it saves a lot of money on the cost of college.)
Keep in mind, too, in the example of my nephew, he was born just after the cut off date of September 1, making him not vastly younger than his classmates. Had he proven not ready for school once he entered kindergarten, he would have been pulled from school to begin again the following year. That's what happened with my partner's son, even though he had been five for months when he began school. He just wasn't ready at the time when he originally began kindergarten. Sometimes a child's readiness for school (or not) is only apparent once the child has been in school for a while.
The fact that both boys have pretty much ended up at the same place educationally (near the top of their respective classes) has much more to do with their parenting and teachers than it does with the ages at which they started school.
I guess what bothers me in this instance is the O.P.'s combination of misplaced virtue signaling and humble bragging. It really has less to do with the child and far more to do with his parents. If the child is ready for school, start him. If he's not, hold him back. Simple as that. No need to worry about whether or not a child who's not yet in school is going to make all of the other kids feel bad because he leaves them in the intellectual dust. (If indeed, he does.)
Here's the thing OP. In the long run, redshirting your son is going to be just as much in your interest as his. Suppose husband gives in and your son starts Kindergarten this year. If he ends up struggling, then the blame is all on you. By high school(or possibly earlier) your son is probably going to make the connection between his struggles and him being younger than most of his classmates, and he's undoubtedly going to be mad at his parents for not waiting a year. And his father is going to be dam sure to tell him that it was solely his mother's idea to send him to Kindergarten at 4. And when he finds out that you chose not to redshirt him despite knowing full-well that it would yield better outcomes for him, he's going to feel unspeakably hurt and betrayed.
Consider that 30 years from now, you're probably going to need your son more than he needs you. You ask him for a favor as your entering your early 60s, and he'll remember that you deliberately sabotaged his chances at success. And the kids who you were worrying about putting at a disadvantage by redshirting aren't going to come running to your aid with gratitude than you didn't put your son in their class. If you wait a year to send son, however, then in the extremely unlikely event that he does face challenges in school, your hands will be clean of that as it'll be all his fault. Kids who are the oldest almost always thrive in school, which means that those few redshirted kids who do struggle have nobody to blame but themselves.
Here's the thing OP. In the long run, redshirting your son is going to be just as much in your interest as his. Suppose husband gives in and your son starts Kindergarten this year. If he ends up struggling, then the blame is all on you. By high school(or possibly earlier) your son is probably going to make the connection between his struggles and him being younger than most of his classmates, and he's undoubtedly going to be mad at his parents for not waiting a year. And his father is going to be dam sure to tell him that it was solely his mother's idea to send him to Kindergarten at 4. And when he finds out that you chose not to redshirt him despite knowing full-well that it would yield better outcomes for him, he's going to feel unspeakably hurt and betrayed.
Consider that 30 years from now, you're probably going to need your son more than he needs you. You ask him for a favor as your entering your early 60s, and he'll remember that you deliberately sabotaged his chances at success. And the kids who you were worrying about putting at a disadvantage by redshirting aren't going to come running to your aid with gratitude than you didn't put your son in their class. If you wait a year to send son, however, then in the extremely unlikely event that he does face challenges in school, your hands will be clean of that as it'll be all his fault. Kids who are the oldest almost always thrive in school, which means that those few redshirted kids who do struggle have nobody to blame but themselves.
To me, how you accomplish something is even more important than the accomplishment itself. Success really isn't anything to be proud of if you had to cheat to do it.
One example that pertains to our family right now is Redshirting. This is when the parents of a child born between October and December wait until their child is almost 6 to send them to Kindergarten, so that they will be older than their classmates and have an unfair advantage over them.
This is clearly cheating, as it's almost inevitable a child is going to come out on top when being compared to children a year younger than them. However, this is exactly what my husband wants to do. In 2021, our son will turn 5 in the first week of October, which means that he should be starting Kindergarten next Fall. However, he is insisting that we wait until the Fall of 2022, as this means he will consistently perform better than all of his classmates instead of performing worse than 3 quarters of his classmates, as would probably be the case if we sent him on time.
I'm not trying to deny that he'll do much better in school if we wait a year. Indeed, there are countless studies out there that prove that kids who are older almost always do better.
I have no doubt that if we redshirt our son, he'll get straight A's and be in gifted programs all through school, win every class competition, be valedictorian, go off to one of HYP, and have a 6-figure-salary by his mid-twenties.
However, the reason I don't want to redshirt is simply because it's morally wrong. It would give him an unfair advantage over the rest of his classmates. I couldn't genuinely feel proud of my son for outperforming kids a year younger than him. I would feel much happier if he did okay playing by the rules than excel by cheating.
I've tried telling my husband this, but he doesn't seem to think there's anything unethical about this. He's also the breadwinner of the family, so what he says pretty much goes. How do I make him see that you sometimes have to give up what you desire in order to do what's right? Thank you in advance!
I'm sure this has been said, and I haven't read the pages of replies, but I completely agree with the husband. Redshirting is not morally wrong. And I'm a teacher. Believe me, we don't see any moral superiority in sending us a child who will struggle because he or she is younger and less mature than most of their classmates (turning 5 in October is too young for K in my opinion, at least for most kids, and most of the teachers I know really don't like it when these kids are NOT redshirted).
Also, I seriously doubt that redshirting will guarantee astronomical success for the kid in question.
One example that pertains to our family right now is Redshirting. This is when the parents of a child born between October and December wait until their child is almost 6 to send them to Kindergarten, so that they will be older than their classmates and have an unfair advantage over them.
This is clearly cheating, as it's almost inevitable a child is going to come out on top when being compared to children a year younger than them.
However, the reason I don't want to redshirt is simply because it's morally wrong. It would give him an unfair advantage over the rest of his classmates.
I didn't read all 9 pages, but being 1 year older does NOT guarantee that he'll get straight As or come out on top or that he'll have an unfair advantage. It's all about his mental ability.
That makes no sense. Age differences matter less as you get older, not more. The difference between a 4-year-old and a 5-year-old is equivalent to the difference between a 68-year-old and an 85-year-old, while the difference between a 17-year-old and an 18-year-old is equivalent to the difference between a 68-year-old and a 72-year-old, which is obviously smaller. If my son can keep up with 5-year-olds when he's 4, he'll definitely be able to keep up with 18-year-olds when he's 17.
If, however, for some weird reason, he's not ready to start college at 17 despite having been ready for Kindergarten at 4, we'll let him take a gap year.
You sound like a new parent and seem prone to black and white thinking.
As parents, it is our job to keep our kids safe and healthy to the best of our abilities. It is NOT our job to boost their egos or make them more popular among their peers.
You don't get it, do you? If he does better in school, he will go to a better college. If he goes to a better college, he will get a better job. If he gets a better job, he'll be able to afford a healthier life-style and LIVE longer.
I'm not sure what kind of school you went to, but the highest-achieving students are very rarely the most popular students. In fact, they're more likely to be among the LEAST popular. As for your son's ego, a lot of that is how you raise him. Make sure to keep reminding that his achievements are solely due to him being older, not smarter, and he shouldn't get a big head.
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