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But, most recently and most importantly, is that he failed to graduate from college in 4 years. Due to his immaturity when he entered college, he wasn't able to handle as much as most of his classmates, and the result was that he ended up falling a year behind. He should've graduated this spring, but he didn't. It's going to be another year before he graduates and he is miserable about it. These past weeks, he's had to endure his friends from high school as well as his friends from his first year at the university(including his old roommates) posting pictures of themselves in their caps and gowns on facebook. The moderator of that group, the other day, made a post saying
The problem here is not redshirting. The real issue is that your son is comparing himself to others. That is a guaranteed way to be unhappy.
“One of the marks of excellent people is that they never compare themselves with others. They only compare themselves with themselves and with their past accomplishments and future potential.”
"If I’m worrying about the other guy and what he’s doing, about what he’s making, about all the attention he’s getting, I’m not going to be able to do what I’m capable of doing.
It’s a guaranteed way to make yourself miserable"
Quote:
Originally Posted by thtltwatw
He should've graduated this spring, but he didn't. It's going to be another year before he graduates and he is miserable about it.
That is great since he gets to hang out at school for another year before joining the work world.
Quote:
Originally Posted by thtltwatw
These past weeks, he's had to endure his friends from high school as well as his friends from his first year at the university(including his old roommates) posting pictures of themselves in their caps and gowns on facebook.
Why waste time looking at Facebook? Instead of wasting hours on Facebook he could join a gym, a martial arts class or just spend that time reading books that will help him be successful and happy in the future.
“One of the marks of excellent people is that they never compare themselves with others. They only compare themselves with themselves and with their past accomplishments and future potential.”
"If I’m worrying about the other guy and what he’s doing, about what he’s making, about all the attention he’s getting, I’m not going to be able to do what I’m capable of doing.
It’s a guaranteed way to make yourself miserable"
That is great since he gets to hang out at school for another year before joining the work world.
Why waste time looking at Facebook? Instead of wasting hours on Facebook he could join a gym, a martial arts class or just spend that time reading books that will help him be successful and happy in the future.
That transition has to happen sooner or later, so why delay the inevitable? I don't deny that growing up is hard, but it's made easier when you have your friends transitioning alongside you, which won't be the case with my son. Sure, my son doesn't have to worry about the professional world right now, but he's going to next year, and he won't have anyone to relate with.
The purpose is this post is to encourage parents of kids born between October and December to think long-term when deciding whether or not to send them to kindergarten at 4. Our son has a late November birthday, and when he was 4, all that mattered to us was that he was ready for Kindergarten. We didn't ask ourselves how he would do in high school or college. Thus, we sent him at 4, and he has ultimately been emotionally damaged because of it.
Now contrary to popular opinion, he didn't feel as bad about being the last to get his driver's license as one might expect. After all, it's a hard and fast rule in this country that if you're under 16, you're now allowed a driver's license. Thus, our son knew that his classmates weren't driving before him because of anything he had done wrong; he knew that it was just the law and there was no reason for him to blame himself. However, our son experienced other problems that I'm sure were an indirect result of his relative age. However, because these problems were an indirect result, he had a much harder time not blaming himself for them.
One such example is that he didn't make it into his high school's top orchestra until his senior year, while most of his orchestra friends made it in their junior year. Concerts were torture for him his junior year, as he had to sit in the audience watching his classmates perform some of the greatest classical pieces ever written.
Another example is that he failed Pre-Calculus his junior year, and had to retake it his senior year, meaning he graduated high school with no knowledge of Calculus. Whenever he got together with his friends to study during his senior year, he had to endure the shame of pulling out his Pre-Calculus textbook while all his friends pulled out their Calculus(and in some cases, Multivariable Calculus) textbooks.
But, most recently and most importantly, is that he failed to graduate from college in 4 years. Due to his immaturity when he entered college, he wasn't able to handle as much as most of his classmates, and the result was that he ended up falling a year behind. He should've graduated this spring, but he didn't. It's going to be another year before he graduates and he is miserable about it. These past weeks, he's had to endure his friends from high school as well as his friends from his first year at the university(including his old roommates) posting pictures of themselves in their caps and gowns on facebook. The moderator of that group, the other day, made a post saying, "Congratulations college grads!" which filled our son with shame. A parent of one of his friends from high school invited them to a college graduation party at their enormous house, to which our son had to gloomily decline. Even though he's graduating next year, the people he's going to graduate with are people he barely knows, whereas most people who graduate from college together have shared the full 4 years together, from start to finish.
I've never heard a parent say they regret redshirting, but I've heard many parents say they regret not redshirting, and now I understand why.
You're blaming quite a bit on him being a couple months younger than the other kids. He would probably have the same problems if held back a year.
Yeah, we have parents here that have held their sons out for up to two years to get a jumpstart on athletics. Enough so that the Maryland Public Secondary Schools Athletic Association put upper age limits on athletes as well as limiting the number of years they can play (some high schools were using strategic failures to redshirt the really promising athletes).
We had age limits when I was in high school, over 50 years ago.
That transition has to happen sooner or later, so why delay the inevitable? I don't deny that growing up is hard, but it's made easier when you have your friends transitioning alongside you, which won't be the case with my son. Sure, my son doesn't have to worry about the professional world right now, but he's going to next year, and he won't have anyone to relate with.
What? When he starts working, he'll have plenty of brand-new graduates starting right alongside him that are no different than him.
Sounds more and more like there are other problems and him having been the youngest person in his kindergarten class 17 years ago is merely a convenient excuse. Instead, you should be looking at what the real problems are behind his immaturity.
Everyone is different. I really think age is the least important. It's also how much time a person invests in studying, reading, practices plus natural abilities. I would never put into my child's head that they will be more likely to fail (or it's understandable that they would fail) because they are the youngest. The youngest kids in my own class were some of the very smartest and most accomplished, plus they got to drive the rest of us babies around, lol.
I certainly wouldn't be blaming a few months of immaturity for my grown child not being able to handle their college load.
Location: Full Time: N.NJ Part Time: S.CA, ID, Coastal GA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KaraG
Everyone is different. I really think age is the least important. It's also how much time a person invests in studying, reading, practices plus natural abilities. I would never put into my child's head that they will be more likely to fail (or it's understandable that they would fail) because they are the youngest. The youngest kids in my own class were some of the very smartest and most accomplished, plus they got to drive the rest of us babies around, lol.
I certainly wouldn't be blaming a few months of immaturity for my grown child not being able to handle their college load.
What? Wouldn't the oldest kids in class get to drive first?
It is actually pretty common for a kid to take an extra semester or two to complete their degree.
I think there is a little catastrophizing of what is really a very normal situation.
Highschool friends are not going to be in constant lockstep with their friends post HS graduation nor is that a reasonable or even a healthy expectation to have. Some go to college, others might get FT jobs, others might go into the military, others might go to trade school. Some might take 3 years to graduate from college, others might take 5 or 6 years to get their degrees.
I would hate for my kid to feel pressured to get married because his friends have or have children because his HS friends have or buy a house because their HS buddies have. That's a recipe for unhappiness.
I've never understood this pressure to put kids in school early just because they show signs of being "bright" and all this hand wringing over the kid being "bored". My mother was a teacher and I was a "bright" kid and she supplemented my schooling based on my interests. I was an avid reader and so she guided me there. The cutoff when I went to school was Dec 1st and with a January birthday I was one of the oldest kids in my class and loved it. My son was born in early November and the cutoff where we are is Oct 1st so he is one the oldest in his class, and again, has worked well for him. My friend who had twins born 10/2, just missed the cutoff and could have pushed to gain early admission and her son was off the charts "bright". Ultimately they decided to err on the side of him being "bored" and supplemented his interests. In HS he took tons of A/P courses and did dual enrollment so he graduated college a year early saving a lot of $$.
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