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Old 07-07-2023, 10:46 AM
 
Location: Cumberland
6,916 posts, read 11,168,006 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thtltwatw View Post
The purpose is this post is to encourage parents of kids born between October and December to think long-term when deciding whether or not to send them to kindergarten at 4. Our son has a late November birthday, and when he was 4, all that mattered to us was that he was ready for Kindergarten. We didn't ask ourselves how he would do in high school or college. Thus, we sent him at 4, and he has ultimately been emotionally damaged because of it.

Now contrary to popular opinion, he didn't feel as bad about being the last to get his driver's license as one might expect. After all, it's a hard and fast rule in this country that if you're under 16, you're now allowed a driver's license. Thus, our son knew that his classmates weren't driving before him because of anything he had done wrong; he knew that it was just the law and there was no reason for him to blame himself. However, our son experienced other problems that I'm sure were an indirect result of his relative age. However, because these problems were an indirect result, he had a much harder time not blaming himself for them.

One such example is that he didn't make it into his high school's top orchestra until his senior year, while most of his orchestra friends made it in their junior year. Concerts were torture for him his junior year, as he had to sit in the audience watching his classmates perform some of the greatest classical pieces ever written.

Another example is that he failed Pre-Calculus his junior year, and had to retake it his senior year, meaning he graduated high school with no knowledge of Calculus. Whenever he got together with his friends to study during his senior year, he had to endure the shame of pulling out his Pre-Calculus textbook while all his friends pulled out their Calculus(and in some cases, Multivariable Calculus) textbooks.

But, most recently and most importantly, is that he failed to graduate from college in 4 years. Due to his immaturity when he entered college, he wasn't able to handle as much as most of his classmates, and the result was that he ended up falling a year behind. He should've graduated this spring, but he didn't. It's going to be another year before he graduates and he is miserable about it. These past weeks, he's had to endure his friends from high school as well as his friends from his first year at the university(including his old roommates) posting pictures of themselves in their caps and gowns on facebook. The moderator of that group, the other day, made a post saying, "Congratulations college grads!" which filled our son with shame. A parent of one of his friends from high school invited them to a college graduation party at their enormous house, to which our son had to gloomily decline. Even though he's graduating next year, the people he's going to graduate with are people he barely knows, whereas most people who graduate from college together have shared the full 4 years together, from start to finish.

I've never heard a parent say they regret redshirting, but I've heard many parents say they regret not redshirting, and now I understand why.
Well every experience is different.

I had a very late birthday, like think Dec. and went to K at age 4.........I already knew how to read. My only issue educationally was having worse fine motor skills, so I got bad handwriting grades. I was the shortest in my class until about middle school, and puberty equalized it all.

I can't imagine being "a year younger" because my parents didn't let me go to school with kids my own age. I was already reading, what would I have done with that extra year of baby time with mommy? As it was, I graduated high school at 17, college at 21(could have been 20 if I had wished because I came into college as a soph,) and was in the real world. "Red shirting" would have cost me an entire year of real world income.

So everyone has to make their own choice for their kid, but you need to look hard at where the kid is academically and socially. I can only speak for me, but I was ready and eager to get to school and can't imagine a world where I am "a year younger" because my parents didn't place the bet on me that I could hack it.
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Old 07-07-2023, 11:08 AM
 
Location: Sunnybrook Farm
4,235 posts, read 2,426,336 times
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Each set of parents has to decide based on their individual child, is what I would say.

In my day there was not public school kindergarten, you started school at 6 in first grade. I have a mid September birthday and at the time the cutoff was Sept. 1. My mother sent me on to first grade at 5 years 11 1/2 months, and she actually had to pay a small fee every month to allow this, I suppose to compensate for the supposed additional care I would require.

Well, I was already way ahead of grade level in all academics; but I was quite a bit behind in social skills and emotional maturity. Physically I was always about in the middle of my classmates. I suffered quite a bit from being backward socially compared to my classmates. At this time also it simply wasn't done, amongst boys of that age, to take one's friends primarily from amongst those younger. "What are you hanging around with those BABIES for?" would have been what all the other kids would have said. So, there I was, stuck with insufficient social development, clear into high school where it finally started not mattering.

Would I have been better off had I been held out a year? Academically I'd have been even further ahead, so even more likely to be bored and get into trouble - but thank goodness I moved to a private school after second grade. I'd have been one of the very oldest and biggest kids in the class, so that would've possibly helped. I don't know; there's no way to know; but I think I would have been better off.
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Old 07-07-2023, 12:38 PM
 
16,893 posts, read 16,166,447 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by westsideboy View Post
Well every experience is different.

I had a very late birthday, like think Dec. and went to K at age 4.........I already knew how to read. My only issue educationally was having worse fine motor skills, so I got bad handwriting grades. I was the shortest in my class until about middle school, and puberty equalized it all.

I can't imagine being "a year younger" because my parents didn't let me go to school with kids my own age. I was already reading, what would I have done with that extra year of baby time with mommy? As it was, I graduated high school at 17, college at 21(could have been 20 if I had wished because I came into college as a soph,) and was in the real world. "Red shirting" would have cost me an entire year of real world income.

So everyone has to make their own choice for their kid, but you need to look hard at where the kid is academically and socially. I can only speak for me, but I was ready and eager to get to school and can't imagine a world where I am "a year younger" because my parents didn't place the bet on me that I could hack it.
My fall birthday kid missed the cut off and had an extra year to wait before he could start K. He was verbally precocious - he entertained grown ups with his conversations and understanding of subject matter. He played well with other kids. He could easily have gone into K and done just fine. But he missed the cut off so he got an extra year.

When he entered Kindergarten he was close to 6. He used to be the one assigned to walk his classmates to the clinic if they needed to go home early or didn't feel well. If he overheard the teachers talking (thinking their conversation was going over the kids heads)...nope, it wasn't, at least not his head.

Long story short, it was an entertaining year. He's done well and is a great kid.
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Old 07-07-2023, 12:43 PM
 
Location: On the Chesapeake
44,900 posts, read 59,894,528 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by springfieldva View Post
My fall birthday kid missed the cut off and had an extra year to wait before he could start K. He was verbally precocious - he entertained grown ups with his conversations and understanding of subject matter. He played well with other kids. He could easily have gone into K and done just fine. But he missed the cut off so he got an extra year.

When he entered Kindergarten he was close to 6. He used to be the one assigned to walk his classmates to the clinic if they needed to go home early or didn't feel well. If he overheard the teachers talking (thinking their conversation was going over the kids heads)...nope, it wasn't, at least not his head.

Long story short, it was an entertaining year. He's done well and is a great kid.
My oldest granddaughter turns 5 in October, she misses the Kindergarten cutoff by about a week. She already reads at a 3rd grade level (actually a bit above).
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Old 07-07-2023, 12:59 PM
 
16,893 posts, read 16,166,447 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by North Beach Person View Post
My oldest granddaughter turns 5 in October, she misses the Kindergarten cutoff by about a week. She already reads at a 3rd grade level (actually a bit above).
She'll be fine. Many kids meet the end of year academic benchmarks for K when they enter K. Just make sure that she continues to get lots of good classics to read at home because the emphasis in the classroom will be on those end of year benchmarks.

My son was not bored in K. He loved walking kids to/from the clinic, talking to the staff and having a "job" to do. He enjoyed his classmates. I was lucky to be able to volunteer in his classroom where I saw first hand how the kids learn from each other, as well as, from their teacher.

Now he's in college and he absolutely loves it.
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Old 07-07-2023, 01:51 PM
 
Location: Cumberland
6,916 posts, read 11,168,006 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by springfieldva View Post
My fall birthday kid missed the cut off and had an extra year to wait before he could start K. He was verbally precocious - he entertained grown ups with his conversations and understanding of subject matter. He played well with other kids. He could easily have gone into K and done just fine. But he missed the cut off so he got an extra year.

When he entered Kindergarten he was close to 6. He used to be the one assigned to walk his classmates to the clinic if they needed to go home early or didn't feel well. If he overheard the teachers talking (thinking their conversation was going over the kids heads)...nope, it wasn't, at least not his head.

Long story short, it was an entertaining year. He's done well and is a great kid.
That is the alleged trade-off. A 6 year old is bigger/faster/smarter, especially one that is already precocious. So, instead of having a 4 year old "playing up" to keep up, you have a 6 year old who is already older and more developed being able to look after (at best) or dominate (at worst) the younger kids.

I don't know if/how you can fight cut off dates in different states or schools, but I have always believed in the ideas of "betting on yourself" and "playing up." Both are foundational in my world view. Nothing made me smarter and stronger than having to compete with, and ultimately outperform, those older kids. I "bet on my kids" each and every day by encouraging them forward towards achievement I know, and they know, they can reach rather than telling them to play it safe and take easier paths in life where they would easily outclass other kids their age.
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Old 07-07-2023, 03:40 PM
 
1,506 posts, read 1,006,619 times
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When I was a child there was no kindergarten. My birthday is late
October. I went to a private school so don't know if I was going into first grade early considering the public school cut off date.

I would have done better to have waited a year. I was not only emotionally immature but also late in physical development. It was embarrassing to be the only girl in gym class not wearing a bra.

When my mother finally gave into my demands and bought me one ("you have nothing to put in it" she said), my 28 AAA hung on me but at least no more embarrassment while changing for PE.

Going off to college at 17 wasn't much better in regard to fitting in socially.
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Old 07-07-2023, 04:20 PM
 
19,493 posts, read 17,717,036 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nefret View Post
When I was a child there was no kindergarten. My birthday is late
October. I went to a private school so don't know if I was going into first grade early considering the public school cut off date.

I would have done better to have waited a year. I was not only emotionally immature but also late in physical development. It was embarrassing to be the only girl in gym class not wearing a bra.

When my mother finally gave into my demands and bought me one ("you have nothing to put in it" she said), my 28 AAA hung on me but at least no more embarrassment while changing for PE.

Going off to college at 17 wasn't much better in regard to fitting in socially.
As others have said all of this utterly depends on the kid. My son graduated HS at 16, college at 20, medical school at 24 and was duking it out in residency with fellow doctors who were, save one, several to many years older. My son's only gripe about his childhood is that we didn't let him go to college at 13-15.
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Old 07-07-2023, 04:41 PM
 
16,893 posts, read 16,166,447 times
Reputation: 28129
Quote:
Originally Posted by westsideboy View Post
That is the alleged trade-off. A 6 year old is bigger/faster/smarter, especially one that is already precocious. So, instead of having a 4 year old "playing up" to keep up, you have a 6 year old who is already older and more developed being able to look after (at best) or dominate (at worst) the younger kids.

I don't know if/how you can fight cut off dates in different states or schools, but I have always believed in the ideas of "betting on yourself" and "playing up." Both are foundational in my world view. Nothing made me smarter and stronger than having to compete with, and ultimately outperform, those older kids. I "bet on my kids" each and every day by encouraging them forward towards achievement I know, and they know, they can reach rather than telling them to play it safe and take easier paths in life where they would easily outclass other kids their age.
I've got two boys and the youngest played every day with his older brother and his friends. So he was used to being the little brother.

It was a good experience for "little brother" to finally get to be among the oldest in his classroom. He has always been a genuinely nice kid - yes, I know I am biased.

He went on to become a safety patrol at his elementary school. One day I went to pick him up and saw him bent down, tying a younger boy's shoe in the hallway. He told me that he didn't want the little Kindergartner to trip and get hurt. Oh man, did that ever make my heart melt.

This is a sweet age and most of the kids are very sweet. Some don't always know how to play well at first but they learn.
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Old 07-07-2023, 05:15 PM
 
Location: Sunnybrook Farm
4,235 posts, read 2,426,336 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by springfieldva View Post
...
This is a sweet age and most of the kids are very sweet. Some don't always know how to play well at first but they learn.
Well, they're real "sweet" unless they smell weakness, then it's like a pack of wolves, going after the insecure or uncertain or different one.

Sorry, but children are not all sweet and caring until they've been taught.
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