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I don't know if this should be here or in parenting, but I'm trying to see how prevalent this is, and if you guys think it's OK.
Here's the deal -
I have an incredibly bright, musically gifted (offered 1st chair on 4 instruments), athletic (all-star in two sports every year), handsome, charismatic nephew in a top magnet program in middle school. The last week of school, one of the many girls who like him complained to the school that he was "harassing" her online. He was expelled from school 3 days before Summer vacation.
She was upset that he was giving his attention to another girl, and was using the social networking site to say mean things about that girl to my nephew. When he basically told her to shut up and leave them alone "or else" (and a few other choice words like "you're stupid" and other typical kid things), she made the complaint.
Neither kid is old enough to even have these accounts on these sites. They never used school time or school computers to access them. He was expelled because of their "no tolerance" policy regarding "terroristic threats". She admitted he'd never said anything threatening to her at school, just what I mentioned above online. And no, his parents didn't know he had a page; they're not computer-savvy (well, they weren't before this).
He was shocked and heartbroken sitting in the principals office listening to these labels applied to him and being told he was kicked out. Is this really how all these post-Columbine policies were intended to be interpreted? I know I'm totally biased, but it doesn't seem like this action is keeping with the spirit of the law.
no he is not... I had a friend when I was school many years ago say something along the lines of, I'm going to blow so and so's house up. He was actually talking to the guy but anyway I was there. He was truly joking at lunch. He went to jail right then and there. He did 6 months of juvenile probation and got expelled. The teacher's and principal said no tolerance. We were also the "good kids"
It's unfortunate for your nephew but since we live in such a litigious society, schools are going to err on the side of caution. If the girl reported it, the school is going to act on its policy or risk a lawsuit. I believe there is legal precedent in that if the parties are connected through the school (like your nephew and this girl) then it doesn't matter where an incident takes place, the school still has liability.
It's the "or else" part that really is the issue. Good kids sometimes do bad things.
Let's use your nephew as a hypothetical case -- he tells someone to "shut up or else," and everyone brushes it off as "he's just a kid." He continues to stew about whatever it is that's going on and, a week later, brings some kind of weapon to school and attacks the girl that he thinks is causing the problem.
(Remember, this is just hypothetical -- I'm not in any way saying that your nephew would do this!)
Maybe the girl is just slightly injured but, heaven forbid, maybe she's killed. By someone who had, albeit in a childish way, threatened her. The parents were notified, the school was notified, and nothing was done.
I can guarantee you that the school, the school district, and possibly the Principal personally, will be sued.
No one's willing to take a chance these days, and zero tolerance means just that.
Unfortunately, social networking sites make it extremely easy for kids (and adults ) to say things that they'd never say in person. Plus, once something is posted, it's there for everyone to see. No more "you said," "nuh-uh," "uh-huh" .....
So -- is your nephew a terrorist? Probably not, but schools these days operate under the "it's better to be safe than sorry" principle.
ter·ror·ism (tr-rzm)
n.
The unlawful use or threatened use of force or violence by a person or an organized group against people or property with the intention of intimidating or coercing societies or governments, often for ideological or political reasons.
Yes, your nephew is a terrorist. He needs to be locked up, banned from flying and monitored for all activity as he is a threat to the freedom of the US. The US may just crumble because of him. Sarcastically speaking of course.
Problem is, kids nowadays are acting on what used to be empty threats. And far too many have cheap and easy access to things that make acting on those threats easy and deadly. Bad combination. Unfortunately for all of us, we can no longer afford to be complacent. We can't brush things off as "kids will be kids". The phrase "or else" can take on a whole new meaning from what it meant 50 years ago. We've seen that the consequences of the wrong kid saying "or else" have been catastrophic.
As far as I know there is currently no way to determine inadvance who that "wrong kid" is. So we just have to clamp down on everyone.
Everyone, kids and adults, needs to learn a new way of talking. Phrases that used to be considered innocuous can no longer automatically be thought of as such. In the old days, it was said you couldn't yell "Fire!" in a crowded theatre. Well now "Fire!" has been expanded. There are things you just can't say. Period. Not in person, not in public, not on the internet.
Kids, especially, need to be aware of that. No more just spouting off. It makes me sad that some stupid knuckleheads (and their clueless parents) have made it worse for all of us, but that's just the way it is. We have to adapt. It is imperative that parents and schools as a team go over the new ground rules with kids, for everyone's safety.
Your nephew has learned a sad but powerful lesson. Have his parents learned anything? Have they discussed with him what happened and why? Does he understand why his words and actions were problematic? Or is it just you who is concerned?
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) to say things that they'd never say in person. Plus, once something is posted, it's there for everyone to see. No more "you said," "nuh-uh," "uh-huh" .....
