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Location: THEN: Paso Robles, Ca * NOW: Albuquerque, NM
519 posts, read 1,692,243 times
Reputation: 262
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This should probably be in the relationship forum, but I'm curious where you academics met your spouses. I find it's really hard to meet academics of the opposite sex .. and it's even harder as a woman in the English Dept. I was told by one ABD that Match.com is where everyone gets dates ...
What does being a woman in an English Dept. of higher learning have to do with getting a date? Any intelligent person would know that internet dating sites are for losers- and if you really wanted a date you would go out and find one. Don't wait for "Mr. Right" to come to you.
One other thing- when it comes to relationships, "birds of a feather..." usually doesn't work.
I think the previous poster was a little harsh, and very, very unfair. It *is* a difficulty, finding romance as an academic, or at the very least, has associated with it a certain set of problems.
My advice would be something like:
1. Look for friends, first - women friends, men friends. You want to befriend people of the sort you'd like to date. I don't have any hard data, but my guess would be most love affairs occur because of connections within a wide group of people;
2. Pay careful attention to your health: diet, exercise, grooming. And clothes, hair, etc. This will make you feel much better (assuming you're not already doing this, which you probably are), and make you more attractive. Lose 20 lbs., if you need to; have your hair and makeup done professionally.
3. Go out a lot: art shows, poetry reading, philosophy lectures, shop during the day (this is when wealthy people shop). Church or whatever is close to church, to you. Volunteer. Be friendly and make lots of new friends, even if (and perhaps especially if), that particular person is not dating material. They have friends.
4. Develop a lively sense of humor and learn how to flirt.
Location: THEN: Paso Robles, Ca * NOW: Albuquerque, NM
519 posts, read 1,692,243 times
Reputation: 262
I appreciate the responses .. but I am interested in hearing the stories of how/where academics have met their spouses. I'm not desperate to find a date.
I appreciate the responses .. but I am interested in hearing the stories of how/where academics have met their spouses. I'm not desperate to find a date.
i'm sorry; I misunderstood your question. Can't help you there. I'm single. And I love being free.
I was married, divorced, and pretty much resigned to living alone for the rest of my life - you know the story: you thought you met the love of your life and then that person turned out to be a horror who sucked the life out of you.
Anyway, I was just experimenting with all the dating sites, just from a "let's see what all this is about" mind you - started with yahoo, moved to match, to plenty of fish . . . and was terribly disappointed with humanity, these dating sites are like flesh farms.
Then someone told me to try the pricier eHarmony - point being, if people are willing to pay the heftier price, they must be more serious.
OK, tried it. Opened it up to just local, not many in my neck of the woods. Opened it up to the whole US - and was inundated with responses. Most of it came to naught, although it was fun corresponding with some of those people. After about 350 or so matches (most were shut down with just the first pass), I was in a serious correspondence with 3, went to private emails, went to phone calls, I was already planning on taking a flight to meet in person - and then I was matched up with the One.
Things progressed really quickly - when you know, you know.
eHarmony mail moved to private emails to chats to phones to planning a meet on neutral ground - and wow!
So I spent winter break over there (advantage of being an academic - long breaks). Then had the future spouse spend Spring Break at my place, then summer together - and it was decided.
I was married, divorced, and pretty much resigned to living alone for the rest of my life - you know the story: you thought you met the love of your life and then that person turned out to be a horror who sucked the life out of you.
Anyway, I was just experimenting with all the dating sites, just from a "let's see what all this is about" mind you - started with yahoo, moved to match, to plenty of fish . . . and was terribly disappointed with humanity, these dating sites are like flesh farms.
Then someone told me to try the pricier eHarmony - point being, if people are willing to pay the heftier price, they must be more serious.
OK, tried it. Opened it up to just local, not many in my neck of the woods. Opened it up to the whole US - and was inundated with responses. Most of it came to naught, although it was fun corresponding with some of those people. After about 350 or so matches (most were shut down with just the first pass), I was in a serious correspondence with 3, went to private emails, went to phone calls, I was already planning on taking a flight to meet in person - and then I was matched up with the One.
Things progressed really quickly - when you know, you know.
eHarmony mail moved to private emails to chats to phones to planning a meet on neutral ground - and wow!
So I spent winter break over there (advantage of being an academic - long breaks). Then had the future spouse spend Spring Break at my place, then summer together - and it was decided.
Happily married now.
Do you think opening it up the whole US? I tried eHarmony years ago, stuck to local, and got bored with it quickly. Maybe I was living in area...but I couldn't afford to fly around the country, either.
Do you think opening it up the whole US? I tried eHarmony years ago, stuck to local, and got bored with it quickly. Maybe I was living in area...but I couldn't afford to fly around the country, either.
Just wondering in case I want to try it again!
I tried local for about a month or so, and got matched up only once - I guess matches in college towns are not so good for eHarm. Opening it up to the whole US certainly upped the match count. Most of the matches were no good or -inexplicably, would close me out because I was too far (??). But like I said, 3 were very good and would have made good friends if nothing else. I was in Texas, and they were in Texas, Maryland, and Washington.
My spouse actually opened it up to the whole world! Got something like 700 matches in 5 months before we were matched. Again, most of them were no good (or wanted a green card, hint, hint).
My spouse lived quite far from TX. But if you're serious . . . . I always say, "It's not money until you spend it."
We're now living in NY . . . and that's another advantage of academics, if you're willing to give up tenure and are half-way decent at your profession, there's a job for you all over the country.
I met my husband at my college homecoming 7 years after I graduated.
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