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Retention has become a very controversal subject. The experts believe that in holding back a child there will have long term negative affects on that child. Mainly socially. It will reinforce their low self esteem when their peers starting asking them questions about their grade level and why are they repeating a grade. I believe grade retention done properly can be beneficial. By that, I mean changing schools and having a new start. Also, letting them know that different children learn at different speeds and we all have our strengths and weakness. I would be interested to know what others thoughts are on this topic. The pros and the cons to this decision. Does anyone have any personal experiences to share that would be helpful?
We are going to have our child repeat 3rd grade. She is one of the younger students in her class and one of the smallest. Her maturity is behind her peers and she has a mild case of CAPD. With her being my 3rd child I knew from the beginning that she was learning at a different pace then her sibs and her peers. Also, I knew I should have had her stay in preschool one more year and ignored my gut instincts. (Parents need to listen to their instincts as they usually know what's best for their child.) Now we are looking at changing schools and friends all the way up through high school. But new friends can always be made and a getting a good education is more important at this stage in her life. Hopefully, she will enjoy going to school more and not have it be such a struggle.
I kept my son back in the 3rd grade also. He was very young for his class, and he also saw a speech and language therapist (he had APD). Socially, it did not impact him as I had him involved in many recreational activities.
It killed me to see him struggling for those first 3 years. I actually wish I would have done it sooner. He seemed to really struggle until about March, and then things would kind of make sense to him. He had this pattern until we kept him back.
My son is now 16, and in the 10th grade. He's doing excellent. I also must note that he received services for his APD until 7th grade.
My younger brother started kindergarten just prior to his 5th birthday. He lasted about two weeks before my mother decided he wasn't ready, so she took him out to wait another year. Imagine a barely 5 year old walking around telling people he "quit" school.
My older brother missed a great deal of school due to sinus infections and ear infections in second grade and repeated. He suffered no ill effects. He still had a lot of friends (We lived in a very small community), and he graduated at 18, so wasn't older than anyone else.
I have a friend who has a son who is very small for his age. He has always done very well in school, but because of his small size, had always had trouble keeping up with everybody else who was growing a pretty good pace. She is a guidance counselor in a neighboring middle school, so when he finished 8th grade in our local school, she paid tuition and had him do 8th grade in the school where she worked. He's a freshman in high school (Both communities share the same highschool as do 3 other communities.) and he is doing great. She says he's much happier now. He's back in school with the same kids he grew up with, but the change in grade doesn't seem to have made any difference in his circle of friends.
It killed me to see him struggling for those first 3 years. I actually wish I would have done it sooner. He seemed to really struggle until about March, and then things would kind of make sense to him. He had this pattern until we kept him back.
My son is now 16, and in the 10th grade. He's doing excellent. I also must note that he received services for his APD until 7th grade.
I know how you feel. My daughter has struggled for the last 3 years. There are days that she will cry before school and at times shows symptions of anxiety. I feel bad about waiting all these years but I was hoping things would improve. The Principal is opposed to retention in general but her teacher and special ed are supportive of it in her situation.
It is encouraging to know that your son is doing well. Did you have him change schools?
I know how you feel. My daughter has struggled for the last 3 years. There are days that she will cry before school and at times shows symptions of anxiety. I feel bad about waiting all these years but I was hoping things would improve. The Principal is opposed to retention in general but her teacher and special ed are supportive of it in her situation.
It is encouraging to know that your son is doing well. Did you have him change schools?
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I kept him in the same school and he did just fine. I also had the same concerns as you did. Socially he seemed to do very well. I've always tried to keep him engaged in after-school activities. This helped because he became familiar with a lot of kids from different grades, and even different schools.
The reason I waited so long is because of his learning patterns (seemed to struggle until about March - then things seemed to make sense to him).
My sister went to school for special education, and she was very helpful in giving me different learning tools to help him with his APD. It was extremely frustrating at times, especially with homework.
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