Dominant and bossy people in group work (SAT, college, degrees)

[artsyguy]

Has anyone else had bad experiences with dominant, bossy, control freak, passive aggressive, or full of sh......... people in academic work groups?

I'm glad I'm virtually already finished with my advanced degree. I transferred out where I can do virtual teams in most of my courses which have worked out great, they are far more organized and a lot more objective and convenient than real-life teams.

But I've noticed throughout college that every other group always has a few a-holes that think they are Mao Zedong or the secret service. And no this is not about how in every work group there is a slacker. All you have to do is tell "the slacker" to elaborate or expand....that has always worked for me Never had problems with that. But bossy control freaks with a stick up their rear end are a whole other story. Talk amongst yourselves. I want to hear many bitter stories

[FarNorthDallas]

Ever watch Survivor, artsyguy? Those types get the boot - fast.

[laulob]

Well, then school is doing its job educating and preparing you for the workplace and the "real world" - because those people are there too!

[flik_becky]

The average person does not understand the psychological roots of this. This is a vague disription that I can relate with and mostly women, especially in male dominate careers. HOWEVER, you must look deeper than that to the person. What is causing them to be this way and how can you work with that to help them and yourself grow? It is the sign that YOU are a great leader, not just someone who is going to be with the little gossip group yip yapping about them.

SO, you have to look at each case individually. You have two different kinds of what you are describing...the first is the classic work place cully that will make frivilous things huge issues. You have the other kind that is no-nonsense, does there work well, and gets to the point...a direct person, but overall, is not vindicitive. People who are of the second kind, especially women, usually is the person to scorn at gossiping about other employees and usually does not spend time outside of work with "the girls" or "the guys". They keep work work and their personal life to themselves and, because they do their job well, they are seen as a threat.

Now in the work world, you will meet both of these type of people. The best thing YOU can do is observe the situation very closely and try and determine which you are dealing with. Who cares what others think of that person. Do not listen to the gossip yourself. Make your own observations. Do they do their job well? Do they try to bring the employees together on the same page or divide the group in a way to force them to take sides, especially against one employee? Does the person seem to single out one or two employees and put the work load on them? Does the boss right out state that the issues are other people's problems or do they take ownership of them? How do they take critism from peers as well as those both above and below them? How do they handle employees who have hardships in their lives that may spill into their jobs?

Instead of birching on and on about horrible people in the work place, what ownership do YOU take? How are YOU dealing with it? Do YOU keep a daily work jounal, tracking all the seemingly frivious issues so as to have a referance if they come up six months from now?

At a job I had, I ran into a fellow coworker who had transfered to anothoer location and they were surprised that after 6 years, I finally got my promotion. They pointed out that I had worked under the store bully and wanted to know how I managed to beat the odds of this woman and finally convince my bosses that it was not me like they had thought all along. This is the experience I shared with him. I will I will simply refer to her as X.

Well things got bad about a year and a half proir to running into him. X had been sick a lot around the holiday season and I stayed late, came in early, picked up X's workload and even came in on extra days to help X out. Well finally, one day, DH had gotten so far backed up on his business because if it, I had to tell her I could not come in. I had always all but worshiped the grouns she walked on because she was the type who had expected it. I figured that it was through her that I would eventually get promoted so I was worried about how she would react. First X tells me that DH can do it when I got home that night, after 10pm. I pointed out that it would already be dark and 30 below so DH needed to get the work done while it was light. X informs me it will not take DH all day (how would she know) and to call her when he was done. I told her that I would not be able to come in that day and she would need to call someone else. She ordered me to come in that night, regardless if I could only work 1 hour (I live a 1/2 hour away). Nope, sorry I can't do it. She slammed the phone down.

When I was at work, staying late and covering for X before and after this, I was forced into a her role, the leader, and had to give in struction in her stead. Unfortunately, she went behind MY back and told our bosses that I was undermining her. Turns out they didn't even know she was leaving early, coming in late or not coming in at all but I didn't know that at the time. Meanwhile, I had our team of employees constantly asking where she was and what was going on. I minded my own business about her alcohol and guy problem and simply told them she was not feeling well. They would complain or question it all and I would support X 100% regardless if I agreed with them or not. It was MY job to support my leadership.

Things stayed this way and I had not called in sick or was late once for over a year, the whole time I worked for her. Finally, we had a cold night up here in the subarctic and it got down to 50 degrees below with wind chill. The newcast warned that frostbite could happen in less than 10 minutes. My car decided it was not made for that and would not start so I was forced to call in. She tried to tell me to get a taxi (remember I live a 1/2 hour out of town). I told her that as much as I would like to, that was not a feasible option for us that day. She got angry and yelled at me to call a tow truck. I was confused at that. I asked her, Is the tow truck suppose to tow me and my car to work and then, late on a Sunday night, tow me and my car back home? She responded that I needed to do whatever it takes to get to work or I would be facing the loss of my job. Wow. DH tried his best but that engine would not roll over and she called me every hour to hear the progress. Finally I made DH come in because X was not worth his health. Funny, a few weeks later, we got one a terrible snow storm and I called the next boss up to tell him that I didn't think I would make it in. He answered the phone, knew who it was before he picked up and told me to stay home before I could even say hi. Of course, X tried to write me up for that day but I pulled the other boss into it. That was when things started to come to light. He asked me how long this was going on and I told him and he asked why I hadn't come to him about it as X wasn't afraid to. I said that he had bigger issues to worry about than this frivilous crap and that no matter where I worked, I would work with people like X so I it was better that I learned to work with it and not let it bother me.

The final blow was when I hit my five year mark later that year. The company gave a gift for 5 year employees, which a special event was put together with all the employees and you would be thanked by the head boss for your work, recognition in front of all your fellow employees. X told them that she really, really wanted to present me with it. Then sat me in a room for a meeting about how I was below all expectations. After a half hour of hearing how horrible I was, she pushed it across the table and stated, "I should have had someone who likes this give this to you."

Now this previous fellow employee at the corporate office gasped and asked if I told her bosses about it. I told him I had not. He wanted to know why I didn't do something about it, not trying to hide his anger. I told him, "I did. I got got out from under X and got promoted to this poisition in less than a year."

Without bringing the bosses into it, she had on her own made herself look like a fool. So when I asked another boss if I could move in under him, making sure not to go over his head and just get put there so as to make sure that he know I would respect him, we together went to the higher bosses about our plan for me to take the newly opened position. I moved over and went above and beyond to make him shine, which of course he loved and gave me a lot of freedom to assist in other areas. The next two mandatory quarterly meetings, I was placed as the most valuable employee and was soon moved to the highest position at my level. X confronted me at demanded to know how I had done that and I just gently pointed out that I worked for everyone else just as hard as I worked for her. The next step was to ear the promotion of this area, the most challenging area, and brought it up to one of the top three best preforming in the entire company..and thus my being at corporate to run into him less than a year later.

Now I COULD have done the more typical thing and worked my butt off to gain alliances above my boss. I could have very easily. But I refused to stoop down to that level of pushing the ownership of the problems all onto her. By doing so, I did not need to spend the time earning the trust of my higher bosses, I was immediantly awarded it. They knew I would support their initiatives right off the bat.

Some below me though, might have described me as you have listed. I was a direct person and had a lot to learn after coming through what I did. I had my guard up. While I put the needs of my team first, outside and inside work, I had a couple who insisted that I was too bossy and mean. It was another time I was at corporate talking to a guy a lot like myself who pointed out that he often intimidated other men but could not understand how. I had seen him with his team a couple of different times and immediantly knew why. I had the same issue with some women. It was the body language. I had spent SO much time working with mostly men that I had adopted a body language that would assert myself with them in order for them to take my leadership. I had male clients as well that I would speak with that I had to stand a certain way and always place myself directly in front of them in order to gain their respect and make them realize that I was just as knowledgeable as the guys. (I once told an aggressive man who asked to speak with a man who know what he was talking about, "Would you like to talk to one of the guys or the person who taught them everything they know cause the guys are busy but their boss is available right now." Of course they'd agree to the latter and I stood up, took my physical stance, looked him straight in the eye with a friendly smile on my face and reached out my hand to shake it. "I'm Becky and I'll be glad to assist you today." After the shocked pause. "Well lets gets started then.") I never thought that this very same body language could be intimidating women.

So I went back to my crew and switched positions with my female employees and put them into a position physically where they felt in control. After a couple weeks, one women, whom got along with me well the entire time but had been honest with me about how she felt, mentioned the change and when I told pointed it out, it clicked with her. I taught both men and women on my team how to use body language and it was amazing how powerful such a small thing could be.

SO, unless you are ready to take ownership at work, in every aspect, you will NEVER learn how to deal with a wide variety of people, bosses or otherwise, in the work place and will ever remain a weak leader yourself.

[artsyguy]

Thank Moses for menial jobs. It also sounds like too many people have an inferiority complex. Always trying to make yourself be seen etc.