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Old 04-09-2010, 12:00 PM
 
Location: La lune et les étoiles
18,258 posts, read 22,449,284 times
Reputation: 19593

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Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post
Yes, indeed, the principal expressed that very concern. he said if he continues to use such language, he will get beat up. That was his words. Ok, we understand, but also calling a student gay invites hostility as well. Why is it they see what he says and does but not what others say and do to him?

They can't scantion a student for using the G word (gay), or they'd have gay rights activsts all over them. Better stick to the kid who used a politically incorrect word, not just a word in a harassing mannner.

Your son must be made to understand that he will not be able to fight these kids with his words. These kids calling him "gay" is really more like calling him "weak" and probably has much less to do with his perceived sexual orientation.

Kids who have a tendency to bully will always pick on the kid that they think will not fight them back (physically) and that they can easily cut from the herd (a kid without other strong and/or popular friends that can act as protectors)

The school system has prioritized this situation very low on the scale but it could escalate if your son decides to continue to fight back using the N word because that would make him a much less sympathetic party.

The only way to make the school take a harder line with the other students who are harassing your son is to make them feel that they will face some sort of legal action for not protecting your son. I would also try having a therapist (not affiliated with the school) indicate that your son is suffering "mental anguish" over the situation. That may help motivate the school in getting the other students to back off.
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Old 04-09-2010, 12:01 PM
 
10,103 posts, read 19,308,446 times
Reputation: 17432
Quote:
Originally Posted by johnrex62 View Post
Please re-read my post. I did not suggest false allegations and stated up front that I did not have any good suggestions for you. I only warned that if I were in his situation I would be tempted to do something like this. I intended this post to alert you to a possibility that a young mind may turn to when the first attack did not work.

This is a well-taken suggestion. Indeed he might turn to "self defense". H'es being left on his own and told to "suck it up". You're quite right that he might turn to flasehoods as a defense, if the truth doesn't work. I will be alert for such possibilities, thanks for pointing them out!
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Old 04-09-2010, 12:03 PM
 
10,103 posts, read 19,308,446 times
Reputation: 17432
Quote:
Originally Posted by calipoppy View Post
Your son must be made to understand that he will not be able to fight these kids with his words. These kids calling him "gay" is really more like calling him "weak" and probably has much less to do with his perceived sexual orientation.

Kids who have a tendency to bully will always pick on the kid that they think will not fight them back (physically) and that they can easily cut from the herd (a kid without other strong and/or popular friends that can act as protectors)

The school system has prioritized this situation very low on the scale but it could escalate if your son decides to continue to fight back using the N word because that would make him a much less sympathetic party.

The only way to make the school take a harder line with the other students who are harassing your son is to make them feel that they will face some sort of legal action for not protecting your son. I would also try having a therapist (not affiliated with the school) indicate that your son is suffering "mental anguish" over the situation. That may help motivate the school in getting the other students to back off.
Good points

I've found shcools to be essentially cowards. They side with bullies rather than be trampled by them. You have to offer a bigger threat (legal action), to shake them up!
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Old 04-09-2010, 12:07 PM
 
Location: Rural Central Texas
3,672 posts, read 10,569,035 times
Reputation: 5577
Quote:
Originally Posted by calipoppy View Post
I wouldn't go the route of having the son make false allegations against these kids because that could only backfire on him but I would recommend that the parents put the fear of litigation in the school administrators and the school board.
I agree, false allegations are not a good approach. I thought I made that clear in my post, but apparently not clear enough for you. I apologize for not bolding the part about not having any good advice to give on this situation and attempting to alert the OP to other possible pitfalls of the situation with posting a full 10 pages of disclaimers and notices that this is NOT ADVICE OF ACTION TO BE TAKEN but something a teenage mind in turmoil might turn to.

Mea Culpa for not anticipating this state of mind or level of reading.


For anyone else that is still not clear on this..... MY POST IS NOT A SUGGESTION, RECOMMENDATION, AVOCATION, URGING OR EVEN A BLESSING OF SUCH AN ACTIVITY. My only motivation for voicing such potential action was that I fear a young person with few alternatives will latch onto whatever offers hope, and I have seen kids do similar things in my experience. I have read of rape charges being levied against teachers in retaliation for poor grades, so this avenue seems a very likely course under these circumstances.

I know of nothing I can do to make this more clear, so I will participate no further.
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Old 04-09-2010, 12:12 PM
 
Location: Marlborough, MA
871 posts, read 3,010,083 times
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I would like to yell here and wave my arms that you need to make the school administration spend every waking moment defusing this NOW.

Look up the story of the young Irish girl who was tormented by her Massachusetts high school classmates; threatened, harrassed, broken down. She hanged herself in her bedroom closet. The foolish "youths", predatory vermin, are all now charged with felonies up to and including murder.

This was not "someone else" this happened to. I was the victim of harrassment and bullying from the ages of 8-11 or so by some of my "classmates". The good kids didn't want to cross the wolves and the faculty and administrators were pretty oblivious. This was in the '60s. It wasn't that I was perceived as "gay" by these 4 or 5 individuals but that I was a nice kid who was "weaker". They should see me today.

I am now 50 years old and am not even now over my anger about the impotent and helpless feeling a kid has when going up against this wall of hatred. Do something NOW. I feel for this boy more than you know. I wish I could talk to him. I hope he does not get to the point where I am that sometimes irrational violence is how I had to deal with my adversaries.
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Old 04-09-2010, 12:16 PM
 
Location: La lune et les étoiles
18,258 posts, read 22,449,284 times
Reputation: 19593
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post
Good points

I've found shcools to be essentially cowards. They side with bullies rather than be trampled by them. You have to offer a bigger threat (legal action), to shake them up!
Exactly.

In light of the recent highly public and tragic cases of the end results of bullying I seriously doubt that they want to take the lazy route but you may have to put all of that in their faces/on their minds to get results for your son.

Good luck to you and your son. Please make certain to remind him that these years (the junior high/high school) are just a small fraction of life. I was bullied in 6th grade but for some reason I didn't have any issues in the years following and had a great high school experience. But I do recall that during the summer between 6th and 7th grade I did a lot of activities that were real self esteem boosters (dance classes, swimming/diving, etc) that made the difference in how I saw myself and how others saw me as well.
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Old 04-09-2010, 12:21 PM
 
11,642 posts, read 23,813,806 times
Reputation: 12271
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post
We've thought of this, but there's 5 weeks left to the end of the school year. We really don't have any realistic alternative, private schools are accepting applicatons for fall, not now, and we can't transfer him within the district, mainly because he is now in school suspension. any student in violation of the code of conduct is not eligible for transfer, and if they are a current transfer student the transfer status is immediately revoked. He's trapped there!
Call a lawyer. Schools only respond if they think the parents will sue them. So-even if you do not intend to sue them get a lawyer to write a letter to the principal and the school board threatening legal action on behalf of your son. Then call in the local media. They love stories like that.

I'm sorry your son is having such a hard time.
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Old 04-09-2010, 12:22 PM
 
Location: La lune et les étoiles
18,258 posts, read 22,449,284 times
Reputation: 19593
No worries. Your points are understood.

Quote:
Originally Posted by johnrex62 View Post
I agree, false allegations are not a good approach. I thought I made that clear in my post, but apparently not clear enough for you. I apologize for not bolding the part about not having any good advice to give on this situation and attempting to alert the OP to other possible pitfalls of the situation with posting a full 10 pages of disclaimers and notices that this is NOT ADVICE OF ACTION TO BE TAKEN but something a teenage mind in turmoil might turn to.

Mea Culpa for not anticipating this state of mind or level of reading.


For anyone else that is still not clear on this..... MY POST IS NOT A SUGGESTION, RECOMMENDATION, AVOCATION, URGING OR EVEN A BLESSING OF SUCH AN ACTIVITY. My only motivation for voicing such potential action was that I fear a young person with few alternatives will latch onto whatever offers hope, and I have seen kids do similar things in my experience. I have read of rape charges being levied against teachers in retaliation for poor grades, so this avenue seems a very likely course under these circumstances.

I know of nothing I can do to make this more clear, so I will participate no further.
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Old 04-09-2010, 12:27 PM
 
Location: Massatucky
1,187 posts, read 2,385,442 times
Reputation: 1916
I was bullied like your DS; eventually, on the advice of my father, I slugged the chief provocateur in the face hard enough that when he fell down I stepped on his balls. Twice. I was suspended for the day. My dad took me for ice cream and said he was proud of me. The bullying stopped. We are now friends on FB 30 years later....go figure. I'm an engineer, he's an out of work biker dude.
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Old 04-09-2010, 12:49 PM
 
Location: La lune et les étoiles
18,258 posts, read 22,449,284 times
Reputation: 19593
Quote:
Originally Posted by cwaggy View Post
I was bullied like your DS; eventually, on the advice of my father, I slugged the chief provocateur in the face hard enough that when he fell down I stepped on his balls. Twice. I was suspended for the day. My dad took me for ice cream and said he was proud of me. The bullying stopped. We are now friends on FB 30 years later....go figure. I'm an engineer, he's an out of work biker dude.
Love it! Bullying stops when the bully feels that their subject can turn around and kick their tush.

I also wanted to add that I have a friend who was bullied in the 5th and 6th grade (by another friend of mine) who still has not let it go....we are in our 30s now let it go. Add to that, the friend who bullied her barely remembers doing it.

It is so important to reinforce that those kids who resort to bullying others typically have very deep issues of their own which they are not able to handle properly.
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