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Old 04-09-2010, 01:12 PM
 
25,157 posts, read 53,850,310 times
Reputation: 7058

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Is your son disabled? Hostility or unfair treatment because of the disability is illegal.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post
Exactly----like workplace mobbing! He has Monday off, lets see what happens come Tues from the on. and I do intend to get involved, otherwise they will run all over him. Get this---its an older school with no real handicapped access. so, accomodate me! Perhaps I will come with a news crew---I do know poeple "in the media".
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Old 04-09-2010, 01:20 PM
 
Location: SoCal - Sherman Oaks & Woodland Hills
12,974 posts, read 33,874,321 times
Reputation: 10491
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post
My ds is 13 and in the 7th grade. since the beginning of the school year, some other kids (boys and girls), have been tormenting him, calling him gay. He isn't gay, not does he do anything to act gay, but they persist in the name calling.

This is very upsetting to him and affects his ability to function on a day-to-day basis. We've protested to the school, but they say its ok to be gay, we allow and encourage diversity. They even sent my ds to counseling to learn how to deal with "his sexuality". Hey, he's not the one with the problem, its the others who are tormenting him on a daily basis.

I nearly gagged when he told me a counselor told him he should "embrace and explore" his homosexual nature. WTH?????????????

Look those other kids probably don't fully understand what Gay means, other than its an insult. They are using it to harass and torment my ds during the school day. So now he's supposed to "come out" to cope with the harassment?

Then, yesterday, I got a call from the school that he was calling other kids the N word. Actually, he applied that word to black and white. he said he used it in retaliation to those who called him gay. It was a defense thing. No, he shouldn't have used such language, but why did he feel it necessary to defend himself? He received 3-day in school suspension for using the N word, but those who call him gay are not reprimanded.

The school's stance---its ok to be gay, perhaps the other kids are offering him a compliment, perhaps he is gay, he should explore his homosexual side. They even gave us the names of support groups for parents of gay children. Get this clear----he's NOT gay, the other kids are simply harassing him. Regardless of what they call him, they are using it in a demeaning manner, designed to provoke and harass. He's told them he takes offense, to stop calling him that, they just keep right on. meanwhile, I'm being labeled a non-supportive parent because I don't attend parent of gays support groups.

This whole thing a a twisted nightmare, I'm thinking of taking to the media, the schools shouldn't force my kid to be gay to avoid harassment, which is essentially what they're doing!
Okay, my advice is:

1. Find out WHY both the students and teachers think you kid is gay. There must be SOMETHING about him that makes others (kids and adults) think this and remedy that pronto!!

2. Tell your son that that you support his knocking the block off of the next kid that teases him. This usually will end any and all tormenting from school bullies forever.

3. Stop implying that being called gay is any way shape or form near the same as using the "N" word. It is not.

4. Have your husband teach his son self defense or enroll him into a martial arts program. Not necessarily for fighting, but for the self confidence it teaches/develops.
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Old 04-09-2010, 01:26 PM
 
25,157 posts, read 53,850,310 times
Reputation: 7058
lol It's not a good idea to feed into the fire.

I would not encourage the kid to fight anyone. That is feeding the flames.

It is possible he called the kid the N word because the other kid was being a POS bully? Don't bully someone if you cannot handle the heat.

I would use an avoidant strategy coupled with intense amounts of zany humor to prevent this from escalating into prison or jail time. WE all know what these psychos are really trying to do

Quote:
Originally Posted by LaoTzuMindFu View Post
Okay, my advice is:

1. Find out WHY both the students and teachers think you kid is gay. There must be SOMETHING about him that makes others (kids and adults) think this and remedy that pronto!!

2. Tell your son that that you support his knocking the block off of the next kid that teases him. This usually will end any and all tormenting from school bullies forever.
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Old 04-09-2010, 01:39 PM
 
9,091 posts, read 19,161,681 times
Reputation: 6967
First, if he's going to use words to fight back, he's got to be smarter than to drop N bombs.

In school I received a lot and gave a lot - the key to giving is to find out where the insecurity is and exploit it - I must warn though that this is not recommended as nothing ever really gets solved and spending so much time and energy protecting your ego and pride is really counterproductive

so my approach would be to first explain to him that he controls what pejoratives have power. You can say that being gay is not a problem, that it's OK and he can even feel that way. However, if the thought of someone thinking he is gay gets under his skin bullies are going to keep pushing that button.

Next time people are calling him gay if he really shows that it doesn't get to him it will frustrate the bullies - his good response to "you're gay" is "believe what you want, I know who I am and so does my GF" - if they still persist and get agitated stay even calmer and keep repeating "that's cool, just because you say it doesn't make it real, your opinion has no meaning to me"

the second step is to inform the administration and teachers that "gay" isn't the issue - it's students that insist on bullying your kid and using words as a pejorative to harrass, intimidate and threaten your son - they could be calling him something as innocent as spaghetti, but if they are using it in a way that diminishes his abilities to get an education and in a way that is threatening then they are still in the wrong

remind the school they have a duty to provide a safe educational environment for your son

from there have your son keep a log of everytime a kid verbally abuses him - remember to stay calm so he cannot possibly be help culpable in anyway - note the day, time, student, what was said and any teachers present and their response

have him notify the teachers so they cannot claim they were unaware

document everything

if kids get on him for being a snitch, etc ..... stay calm and document that

provide these details to the administration and let them know you and your son are growing frustrated with their inability to uphold their obligations

if things continue to persist have your son punch one of the other kids in the mouth - not only is this a good way to get their attention - it can also be shown as a tipping point in response to the schools inability - when questioned why have your kid really go on and on about how the school did nothing to protect him so he felt he had to protect himself

by this time you should have the workings for a situation that could cause the school a lot of headache - get in front of the top administration / school board - don't give away all your details, just let them know you have a documented series of behaviour that must come to a stop ..... if you can get on the board agenda even better

if the school still fails to do anything then hire a lawyer and sue them
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Old 04-09-2010, 01:41 PM
 
25,157 posts, read 53,850,310 times
Reputation: 7058
In Texas you can't really smile and say "I have no problem with gays. They are cool in my book. They should get married and adopt kids." That will fan the flames.

If you knew anything about psychos. You'd understand that they can use anything and everything against you. They can warp and distort even the best come backs and use it against you. They can play victim and cry "boo hoo he called me the N word."....snitching and tattle telling will work both ways etc. This is because the teachers and administration are incompetent. They foster a corrupt culture. It is their fault.

Psychos are often reinforced by some person with power and status. And that person with status is often a little psycho or neurotic themselves. Seen it and heard about it many times.

It is really hard to find an ethical and committed civil rights attorney. Too often they have conflicts of interests that neutralize and weaken their abilities to defend the victim. Sometimes they even harm their clients.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Finger Laker View Post
First, if he's going to use words to fight back, he's got to be smarter than to drop N bombs.

In school I received a lot and gave a lot - the key to giving is to find out where the insecurity is and exploit it - I must warn though that this is not recommended as nothing ever really gets solved and spending so much time and energy protecting your ego and pride is really counterproductive

so my approach would be to first explain to him that he controls what pejoratives have power. You can say that being gay is not a problem, that it's OK and he can even feel that way. However, if the thought of someone thinking he is gay gets under his skin bullies are going to keep pushing that button.

Next time people are calling him gay if he really shows that it doesn't get to him it will frustrate the bullies - his good response to "you're gay" is "believe what you want, I know who I am and so does my GF" - if they still persist and get agitated stay even calmer and keep repeating "that's cool, just because you say it doesn't make it real, your opinion has no meaning to me"

the second step is to inform the administration and teachers that "gay" isn't the issue - it's students that insist on bullying your kid and using words as a pejorative to harrass, intimidate and threaten your son - they could be calling him something as innocent as spaghetti, but if they are using it in a way that diminishes his abilities to get an education and in a way that is threatening then they are still in the wrong

remind the school they have a duty to provide a safe educational environment for your son

from there have your son keep a log of everytime a kid verbally abuses him - remember to stay calm so he cannot possibly be help culpable in anyway - note the day, time, student, what was said and any teachers present and their response

have him notify the teachers so they cannot claim they were unaware

document everything

if kids get on him for being a snitch, etc ..... stay calm and document that

provide these details to the administration and let them know you and your son are growing frustrated with their inability to uphold their obligations

if things continue to persist have your son punch one of the other kids in the mouth - not only is this a good way to get their attention - it can also be shown as a tipping point in response to the schools inability - when questioned why have your kid really go on and on about how the school did nothing to protect him so he felt he had to protect himself

by this time you should have the workings for a situation that could cause the school a lot of headache - get in front of the top administration / school board - don't give away all your details, just let them know you have a documented series of behaviour that must come to a stop ..... if you can get on the board agenda even better

if the school still fails to do anything then hire a lawyer and sue them
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Old 04-09-2010, 01:45 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
6,777 posts, read 13,515,418 times
Reputation: 6584
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post

I do know the anxiety he's suffering. I was bullied in 6th grade, the adults I appealed to turned a deaf ear. The teachers said I was making it up. My mother said the boys just tease me because they like me---Baloney! Finally I handled it. A girl was tormenting me, then hit me then ran off. My forte was my long, strong legs (I wasn't always disabled). I ran after her, and caught ahold of her long hair. She came flying down, cracked something on the sidewalk. I don't know what happened, I just walked past her. I never saw her in school again. That was before the days of lawsuits, etc. I still feel sick thinking of that thwack sound as she hit the pavement. But hey, she was trying to hurt me. I was told to handle it, so I did! No one ever bullied me again!
I know some will disagree with me, but THAT'S how you deal with a bully! ^^^^
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Old 04-09-2010, 01:48 PM
 
25,157 posts, read 53,850,310 times
Reputation: 7058
That is how we wish we could handle bullies. But the school is keeping a hawk eye on her child. And will use anything and everything against him. Too many people end up in jail or on probation for fighting back physically. Be really careful with your anger.


Quote:
Originally Posted by sophialee View Post
I know some will disagree with me, but THAT'S how you deal with a bully! ^^^^
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Old 04-09-2010, 01:53 PM
 
9,091 posts, read 19,161,681 times
Reputation: 6967
Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
In Texas you can't really smile and say "I have no problem with gays. They are cool in my book. They should get married and adopt kids." That will fan the flames.
That's why you don't say that

You simply say - "I know who I am so think what you will" - stay calm

they can say what they want, but you'll have documentation on your side

the point isn't to antagonize, the point is to show no emotion or real response to their torments - regardless of what they try to hone in on

Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
If you knew anything about psychos. You'd understand that they can use anything and everything against you. They can warp and distort even the best come backs and use it against you. They can play victim and cry "boo hoo he called me the N word."....snitching and tattle telling will work both ways etc. This is because the teachers and administration are incompetent. They foster a corrupt culture. It is their fault.
you leave nothing for them to tatle on that wouldn't be a complete fabrication - which they can do, but you'll have the credibility and consistency

also, 99% of bullies aren't psycho - they're just bullies - and once again, you give them power .... let them distort, lie, etc .... just stay the course and don't let them get to you while you get your ducks in a row - it will end soon enough

Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
It is really hard to find an ethical and committed civil rights attorney. Too often they have conflicts of interests that neutralize and weaken their abilities to defend the victim. Sometimes they even harm their clients.
no it's not - in fact it's pretty easy - many states have state agencies that can assist - if not you can work with the bar associations etc ....... i used to insure schools against legal liability lawsuits and know that there are plenty who can make a hard case out of something frivolous .... you give a good lawyer a good case and the district will pay attention
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Old 04-09-2010, 01:54 PM
 
Location: Brooklyn New York
18,381 posts, read 31,494,900 times
Reputation: 27815
First of all your son should NOT have been punished by the school for using the N word...Well tough !! Your son doesn't need to be politically correct.

Being called the N word has the same feeling when you are called the G word, to be derogatory (sp). GIVE ME A FREAKIN BREAD !!!!

I am gay, so I know exactly what it feels like. Awww, you don't like being called a certain word, tough !!!! TOUGH !!!!! tough !!!!!!, I FEEL THE SAME WAY.

If I were you I would have been up at that school in a half a heart beat, and your going to suspend my son????? ummm, So don't think so!!! I would have raised such a stink about this you have absolutely no idea, I would want to know who calls him names and MAKE the Principal call their parents on this one. If all failed, I would transfer him to another school. I would SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO not be playing around with this.

oh, and i am also the parent of triplets, boys........
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Old 04-09-2010, 01:58 PM
 
25,157 posts, read 53,850,310 times
Reputation: 7058
I agree with you nightcrawler. Mobbing out is a game to these freaks.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nightcrawler View Post
First of all your son should NOT have been punished by the school for using the N word...Well tough !! Your son doesn't need to be politically correct.

Being called the N word has the same feeling when you are called the G word, to be derogatory (sp). GIVE ME A FREAKIN BREAD !!!!

I am gay, so I know exactly what it feels like. Awww, you don't like being called a certain word, tough !!!! TOUGH !!!!! tough !!!!!!, I FEEL THE SAME WAY.

If I were you I would have been up at that school in a half a heart beat, and your going to suspend my son????? ummm, So don't think so!!! I would have raised such a stink about this you have absolutely no idea, I would want to know who calls him names and MAKE the Principal call their parents on this one. If all failed, I would transfer him to another school. I would SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO not be playing around with this.

oh, and i am also the parent of triplets, boys........
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