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Formerly buff California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, a non-native US citizen, recently revealed his plans for seeking the presidency as an independent conservative, in a move that political operatives are calling "a stroke of genius." In a stunning turn of events, the governor was recently born again as an evangelical Southern-style Baptist, a move that could potentially qualify him for the office if the government recognizes his re-birth at a Sacramento church as a legitimate US birth establishing eligibility for the presidency, a recognization that, many analysts have pointed out, seems likely given the current lineup of the US Supreme Court. Arnold plans to run on his new, refined platform of a Bible for every child and the legalization of all steroids, as well as a multibillion dollar new federal program to research ways to restore muscle mass lost due to age. His reasons for wishing to establish such a program remain unclear. The governor is, however, considered to be in danger currently from the risk of time travelers potentially driving their Delorians back into the 80's and assassinating his past self while expecting immunity due to his not having been officially born yet at the time, thereby rendering any potential murder of the action star before his conversion "really just pretty much like an abortion when you think about it," in the words of political scientist Dan Atmore at Boston University.
Get to the chopper! Get to the chopper! GOOO!! I'll be back...
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