What is the worst joke you have ever heard? (TV, days, shows)
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I dont wanna post it on this base as the staff would then have to delete my reply.. (And they might get mad @ me and I dont wanna purposely cause them to get mad.... I love them all )
A drunk goes into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says "I can't serve you, because you have already had too much". So the drunk spins around on his stool to leave and sees a dart board on the wall all the way across the bar. He asks the bartender if he could throw a dart. He claims to have been a great dart player in his younger days and hasn't played in a long time.
The bartender explains to him that these are real darts and were very sharp and it would be irresponsible of him to let a drunk person play with darts. The drunk then starts to complain and badger the bartender, "You won't let me drink, you won't let me play darts, c'mon just one dart. Let me throw just one dart and I'll get out of your hair".
So the bartender relents because he is simply tired of the guy pestering him and it is nearly closing time and the bar has hardly any customers in there anyway. The drunk spins around on his stool once again and without even getting up from his stool throws the dart all the way across the room and hits the bulls eye.
He starts jumping around "whoo hoo, bulls eye!" "Whoo hoo first prize, first prize!" "What do I win"? The bartender starts looking for something to give the drunk just to get rid of him and cannot find anything. He finally sees a shoe box he had stashed under the bar which contained a pet turtle he just bought for his nephew earlier in the day. He gives it to the drunk, the drunk opens the box, looks inside and says "ah, cool man, thanks!" and promptly leaves.
Several weeks go by and the drunk shows back up. He asks the bartender "Hey, remember me"? To which the bartender replies "Dude, I serve over 100 people every night, there is no way I could possibly remember all of them".
The drunk reminds him of his killer bulls eye from across the bar and the bartender then remembered him. The drunk asks for a drink "for old times sake" but the bartender is firm that the policy is still the same and he cannot serve patrons who are already impaired. The drunk then asks him for another dart "it's the least you could do, and you know I am a great shot".
The bartender agrees, due in most part to a curiosity, wanting to know if last time was it pure luck or actual skill. The bartender hands the drunk the dart and without hesitation the drunk spins around, lets the dart fly, again from his still-seated position and hits, yet another, bulls eye.
Just as happened before the drunk starts going crazy. "Whoo hoo, bulls eye!" "Whoo hoo first prize, first prize!" "What do I win"? Once again the bartender is frantically looking for something to offer the drunk as a "prize", but can find nothing. After several minutes he is completely at a loss and asks "Hey what did I give you the last time you did this?"
To which the drunk replied "I'm not sure, but I think it was roast beef on a hard roll"...
Last edited by chadgates; 02-06-2017 at 02:08 PM..
A guy goes into the grocery store and puts a TV dinner, an apple, a small container of milk, and a package of hot dogs on the checkout counter. The checkout girl rings up his purchases, smiles, and says, "You must be single, huh?"
The guy, thinking the checkout girl is flirting with him, answers, "I sure am. How'd you know?"
And the checkout girl replies, "Because you're f****** ugly."
That's the worst and only joke I can ever remember!
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