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Well, I too have finally slogged through every single post in this thread and... ... and ... here's my take. FWIW, of course. First, a little backstory/perspective. I met my wife 10 years ago. I was your typical middle aged city guy. Just fit enough. Not overweight, but not buff either. The o.p.'s husband IOW. I rode a bike everyday to my job and that was the extent of my physical activity. 'J' on the other hand was a total gym rat. Blind and on disability, she had a lot of time to work on herself. She has never seen a woman, never seen a man, doesn't know what the 'rules' are. And most guys never bothered to tell her she was too strong and muscular. Her gym was pretty high end and out of my price range so I never went. She didn't make a big deal about it.
We've a few times in the last eight years. We always find a gym close to home, I always join but I never go as often as she does. She does not make a big deal about it. . Our last move was a month ago. The gym that we can get to easily is a huge Signature L.A. Fitness. There is no way she can navigate that monster on her own and its meant that I have had to get a co-membership and go there everytime she does. So... WTH, may as well enjoy it right? As part of the new members initiation we each got a free session with the head trainer. O.p. if you really want to "motivate" your guy, spring for a session or two with a pro. I loved it. She was very encouraging and...motivating. I was ready to sign up for regular sessions but she only does the initial evaluations. We can't afford it anyway.
I know about the Starting Strength program. It is what I had in mind to start with but I found that the squats and dead lifts were killing my knees. Keep in mind that I'm pushing 60 and haven't been a regular gym rat. So I've been doing machine squats with half my bodyweight until my connective tissues get acclimated to regular training. Even without any prior work on all the other lifts I use the same weights as my wife does. That is just how much innate strength advantage the average guy has over even an immensely strong woman that has been training since she was a teen-ager! There is simply no way on the planet your daughter could beat your husband in an arm wrestle. Unless he wanted her to. And if I were him that's probably how I would have played it as well. The kick-boxing is different, technique plays more of a part. But why does the o.p. seem to need to goad her guy towards being more of a challenge?
It has not escaped my notice that the o.p. has deflected every single post that has mentioned sex as either a motivator or punishment. I agree, witholding sex would likely fail as a motivator. What about sex as reward? Hmmm. I don't know... unless I way miss my guess, I suspect the o.p. would fail at cutting off the sex supply because there isn't a whole lot of it now to cut off. Can I say that if its true? If I'm wrong I'll go to hell and that's alright, it won't be for awhile yet (I hope). I will overshare and admit that our sex life has had its ups and downs. It is hard to be motivated about personal fitness when other things are out of kilter. Just saying. We almost did not make this last move together. But we've decided to work on things, and my number one priority was to insist that we do not become one of those long married couples who only have sex four times a year or less.
So far so good, but the year just started. We literally began on New Years day in the gym and we haven't missed a planned session yet. We also committed to sex twice a week and no less than once a week. That hasn't worked out quite as well but it is nowhere as bad as it has been in the past. Way too much information maybe, but... this is the Internet. If you can't open up and be real anonymously, then when can you? The o.p. has made this just about her husbands lack of motivation to become as fit as she is becoming. Nothing is ever that simple. I was lucky that the impending move gave me a chokepoint to say... hey... why are we doing this? For the o.p. it might be harder because their life is in a regular rhythm. She probably can't see herself having an affair, and she doesn't see her husband having one. I see one happening, however. I don't know who will do it, but if there isn't some honest communication about some things soon, the 'distance' will only grow. And there is definitely distance when all you can think of to do with your new muscles is spar. Very much, FWIW.
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Our sex live is quite alright. It's not like we are still 20 year olds, but we do have sex regularly. I simply don't believe in using sex as a tool by withholding or promising it.
My husband can do whatever he wants, work out or skip it, and I live him one way or the other. All in all the situation has led to some fun and du my moment and I don't think there are any hurt feelings.
I have a problem with motivating mom to exercise . She is 52 lb overweight and refuses to tone down, no matter how many times I tell her being that much overweight is unhealthy and motivate her in a positive manner. I've given up, but its hard to see my mom suffer from overweight related health issues.
Sorry this whole thing hasn't worked out the way you had hoped. You can't change him. You can change you and hope some of it rubs off on him!
I was a lifelong exercise hater. Loathed, hated, and despised it. But I still do it because I need to. There is nothing in the world worse than getting all sweaty and icky. But I'm 60 now and still strong and running. With no health issues. No meds either.
Just keep on. Try different things with him that are active, not necessarily working out. Do fewer sedentary activities. And all the sex stuff...sex is exercise. Do it more!
I was privy to a conversation about a similar issue among a couple friends, except they were talking about their wives. The guys' spouses were generally about as heavy as the guys or outweighed their husbands despite all of them being much shorter, and one of the guys is pretty tall and bulky. These guys are all happily married from what I know.
The consensus was that their spouses are adults and make their own decisions. I happen to agree here. No degree of extrinsic motivation is going to cause a change for the better in a matter as personal as your own weight. The motivation must come from within.
If your spouse really wanted to get in shape badly enough, he would be willing to do the work to make it happen. Lots of people want to lose weight. When they don't lose weight, it just means they didn't want it badly enough to do something about it. Barring some medical circumstance, of course.
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. She is 52 lb overweight and refuses to tone down, no matter how many times I tell her being that much overweight is unhealthy and motivate her in a positive manner. I've given up, but its hard to see my mom suffer from overweight related health issues.
