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As usual I woke up at 5:30am jonesing for an outdoor workout but after a lifetime of running & hiking & biking etc outdoors alone I just can't motivate myself to do it anymore because even though it feels so damn good, the loneliness is maddening. Feels like crying.
So I'm sitting on my yoga mat in the living room and can't bear to do yoga alone, so pathetic & pointless & lonely. My boyfriend, I've come to accept, is attracted to me because of my healthy fit body but I eventually realized that he likes LOOKING at fit bodies but has no interest in exercising himself.
I'm so ****ing lonely & depressed, it's so hard to find healthy people to exercise with. I'm turning into my sedentary boyfriend, I'm so depressed when I'm sedentary but he has made it clear that he will never, EVER exercise or even go on a nature walk with me :'( And since I live in his house, he forbids me to have a treadmill or elliptical machine because he says it will ruin the decor. For crying out loud, he has a 3-story house, and he & I are the only ones in it!! He never even goes in the basement, but nope, no exercise equipment allowed. He doesn't realize (even though I've told him a hundred times) that exercise is my antidepressant. Having a tradmill/ elliptical in the house is as essential to me as an oxygen machine is to an emphysema patient! Without exercise I am a zombie and he's losing attraction to me after he has turned me into a zombie!
So he's said, "Go buy your own house, then you can put a treadmill in it." Oh great, so he'd rather live alone than have a treadmill in his basement.
This may sound like a first-world problem but my depression is so bad that if I don't work out as soon as I wake up in the morning, depression has already clobbered me by the time the gym opens.
I'm no expert by any means, but it sounds like your bf is with you because he's a control freak and you are passive and easy to control.
Stand up for yourself. Tell him that you need to use one of the rooms as an exercise room, and you plan to do that. Just say it matter of factly. Tell him which room you've picked out and ask if that room is okay with him, or would he prefer you use another room. If he says no, then ask him if he loves you, and does he want you to consider his home as part yours, too. Listen carefully to his answer.
Don't know why you're with someone who doesn't share this main interest of yours. Or with someone who is a control freak and doesn't seem to care about your needs and wants.
If I were you, I'd plan to move out. You can still date him. Until you find someone who is more considerate.
But if you finally do get your exercise room in the house, be aware how hard it will be to get that stuff out,when you break up. He may just lock you out, and you won't be able to arrange for your equipment to be moved. That's a big risk when boyfriends/girlfriends live together w/o benefit of legal matrimony. The winner is usually the one who owns the property and/or is physically stronger.
BTW, I understand and agree with what he says about decor. IF the equipment is in a main area. But it's perfectly acceptable to pick out one area or room to be an exercise area, and all the equipment is located there. It should not be visible from the front door or main living area.
Really? 2 people in a 3 story house and you can't have one room for whatever YOU want? I agree you have a BF problem. At the very least, you need to negotiate some space of your own.
Fitness is a lifelong thing and if it's important to you, it needs to be at least somewhat important to your SO. This is going to have a big impact on your future life. How are you going to feel when you are 50, still fit and strong, but your SO needs a hoveround to go more than 100ft?
True. And I do chat with people at the gym. I guess I'm coming to realize my man isn't who I'd hoped he was. He isn't active & outdoorsy, we have no hobbies or life philosophies in common whatsoever. I want to grow old with someone that shares my passion for health & exercise & nature. This guy doesn't seem to, and probably never will :'(
He saved my life when I met him, and he has a great personality, and he's easy on the eyes. I wish he'd take care of his health :'( He was single when I met him because his hot (now ex)wife left him for someone else.
Saving a life is a choice and not a life-long paycheck by the rescuee.
I get depressed when I get to the gym and see other people there training. I just want to turn around and go back home but I know I must do my workout so I deal with it. I just go in the morning when there is the smallest number of people. You should drop your boyfriend like the olimpic weightlifters drop the weight after doing a clean and jerk.
As usual I woke up at 5:30am jonesing for an outdoor workout but after a lifetime of running & hiking & biking etc outdoors alone I just can't motivate myself to do it anymore because even though it feels so damn good, the loneliness is maddening. Feels like crying.
So I'm sitting on my yoga mat in the living room and can't bear to do yoga alone, so pathetic & pointless & lonely. My boyfriend, I've come to accept, is attracted to me because of my healthy fit body but I eventually realized that he likes LOOKING at fit bodies but has no interest in exercising himself.
I'm so ****ing lonely & depressed, it's so hard to find healthy people to exercise with. I'm turning into my sedentary boyfriend, I'm so depressed when I'm sedentary but he has made it clear that he will never, EVER exercise or even go on a nature walk with me :'( And since I live in his house, he forbids me to have a treadmill or elliptical machine because he says it will ruin the decor. For crying out loud, he has a 3-story house, and he & I are the only ones in it!! He never even goes in the basement, but nope, no exercise equipment allowed. He doesn't realize (even though I've told him a hundred times) that exercise is my antidepressant. Having a tradmill/ elliptical in the house is as essential to me as an oxygen machine is to an emphysema patient! Without exercise I am a zombie and he's losing attraction to me after he has turned me into a zombie!
So he's said, "Go buy your own house, then you can put a treadmill in it." Oh great, so he'd rather live alone than have a treadmill in his basement.
This may sound like a first-world problem but my depression is so bad that if I don't work out as soon as I wake up in the morning, depression has already clobbered me by the time the gym opens.
You shouldn't be "living with" your boyfriend. YOU made that mistake. You are showing yourself a complete lack of respect, and that is why you are depressed. Move out and become an autonomous independent adult. Then move in with a guy when you are married to him and you have a commitment from him to lay his life down for you and actually make you family. Your workout companions is the least of your worries.
This is not acceptable behavior. My girlfriend is well younger than me, and we have been dating 5 years now, so I will admit to being guilty of some of this type of behavior early in our relationship. It's a very bad way to have a great relationship, though, because the people will feel unequal. I'm in a similar situation where I own the house, a 3 story house just like yours, and I pay all of the bills. My girlfriend is still in school (going to grad school shortly) and I have the means to support her and myself, but the last thing you want to do is lord it over someone.
I NEVER use terms like "my house" or "my cars" or "my TV" or whatever else. Yes, legally, I own these things. They are my possessions. But who wants to feel like they're living in someone else's house, like you're a servant of your boyfriend or something? I always say OUR house and it's very important to me that my girlfriend feels that it's just as much her home as it is mine. I have an office (one of the bedrooms) that I do whatever I want to, because it's my office. She has a bedroom as well that she turned into an office and that's hers to do whatever she wants with. We don't ask permission with what to do with our respective offices. But in common areas, it's a discussion. I don't just TELL her that I'm going to do such and such with the living room. We talk about it jointly so she always feels included in the decision-making process.
It's just not a very healthy relationship if one person feels like they're under the gun because the other person is lording their money / possessions over the other person. It's unfair to you. If having a piece of fitness equipment at home is important to you -- which it's very important to me, so I understand -- then he should be very supportive of that! That's what helps you stay in great shape. Honestly, though, he should get off his butt and start working out with you because that's part of a happy, healthy lifestyle.
I bought $7,000 in home gym equipment when I moved into this house a few months ago and although my first priority was making sure the equipment works for my purposes because I lift heavy weights and I have specific fitness goals, I also wanted to make sure that whatever I bought could also be useful to my girlfriend. That meant one of the machines is a great dual weightstack pulley system, which is great for warmups / cooldowns. I have two separate adjustable free weight sets from 5 to 52.5 and 10 to 90, so we can both use those for all sorts of things. I bought her kettle bells, which I personally never use, but she wanted them and if that motivates her to workout or gives her more options, that's fantastic!
I certainly don't think a guy should be a pushover and do whatever his wife / girlfriend says, which is equally pathetic, but in a relationship you can both be on equal footing and discuss things with each other and both people can feel included and like their opinions are valuable. He is basically acting like you're his slave and nothing you want really matters, which is no way to treat someone you love. I'm sorry, but that's not ok.
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