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This is not acceptable behavior. My girlfriend is well younger than me, and we have been dating 5 years now, so I will admit to being guilty of some of this type of behavior early in our relationship. It's a very bad way to have a great relationship, though, because the people will feel unequal. I'm in a similar situation where I own the house, a 3 story house just like yours, and I pay all of the bills. My girlfriend is still in school (going to grad school shortly) and I have the means to support her and myself, but the last thing you want to do is lord it over someone.
I NEVER use terms like "my house" or "my cars" or "my TV" or whatever else. Yes, legally, I own these things. They are my possessions. But who wants to feel like they're living in someone else's house, like you're a servant of your boyfriend or something? I always say OUR house and it's very important to me that my girlfriend feels that it's just as much her home as it is mine. I have an office (one of the bedrooms) that I do whatever I want to, because it's my office. She has a bedroom as well that she turned into an office and that's hers to do whatever she wants with. We don't ask permission with what to do with our respective offices. But in common areas, it's a discussion. I don't just TELL her that I'm going to do such and such with the living room. We talk about it jointly so she always feels included in the decision-making process.
It's just not a very healthy relationship if one person feels like they're under the gun because the other person is lording their money / possessions over the other person. It's unfair to you. If having a piece of fitness equipment at home is important to you -- which it's very important to me, so I understand -- then he should be very supportive of that! That's what helps you stay in great shape. Honestly, though, he should get off his butt and start working out with you because that's part of a happy, healthy lifestyle.
I bought $7,000 in home gym equipment when I moved into this house a few months ago and although my first priority was making sure the equipment works for my purposes because I lift heavy weights and I have specific fitness goals, I also wanted to make sure that whatever I bought could also be useful to my girlfriend. That meant one of the machines is a great dual weightstack pulley system, which is great for warmups / cooldowns. I have two separate adjustable free weight sets from 5 to 52.5 and 10 to 90, so we can both use those for all sorts of things. I bought her kettle bells, which I personally never use, but she wanted them and if that motivates her to workout or gives her more options, that's fantastic!
I certainly don't think a guy should be a pushover and do whatever his wife / girlfriend says, which is equally pathetic, but in a relationship you can both be on equal footing and discuss things with each other and both people can feel included and like their opinions are valuable. He is basically acting like you're his slave and nothing you want really matters, which is no way to treat someone you love. I'm sorry, but that's not ok.
Just wanted to comment on that last one-liner. I see her boyfriend giving up since his hot wife went for the hot dude. He has "issues" when it comes to physical education, due to trauma. Deep in his mind I believe, there is this" She will leave me too" The paychecks are a tangible items for two weeks. He simply handles the trauma for two eeks, puts it back on the self, and takes another deep breath for two more weeks. There is a trust issue missing here with no sign of equipment in the house to remind him. Avoidable detachment.
In the meantime, both are saying this is "SO GOOD".
This is not acceptable behavior. My girlfriend is well younger than me, and we have been dating 5 years now, so I will admit to being guilty of some of this type of behavior early in our relationship. It's a very bad way to have a great relationship, though, because the people will feel unequal. I'm in a similar situation where I own the house, a 3 story house just like yours, and I pay all of the bills. My girlfriend is still in school (going to grad school shortly) and I have the means to support her and myself, but the last thing you want to do is lord it over someone.
I NEVER use terms like "my house" or "my cars" or "my TV" or whatever else. Yes, legally, I own these things. They are my possessions. But who wants to feel like they're living in someone else's house, like you're a servant of your boyfriend or something? I always say OUR house and it's very important to me that my girlfriend feels that it's just as much her home as it is mine. I have an office (one of the bedrooms) that I do whatever I want to, because it's my office. She has a bedroom as well that she turned into an office and that's hers to do whatever she wants with. We don't ask permission with what to do with our respective offices. But in common areas, it's a discussion. I don't just TELL her that I'm going to do such and such with the living room. We talk about it jointly so she always feels included in the decision-making process.
It's just not a very healthy relationship if one person feels like they're under the gun because the other person is lording their money / possessions over the other person. It's unfair to you. If having a piece of fitness equipment at home is important to you -- which it's very important to me, so I understand -- then he should be very supportive of that! That's what helps you stay in great shape. Honestly, though, he should get off his butt and start working out with you because that's part of a happy, healthy lifestyle.
I bought $7,000 in home gym equipment when I moved into this house a few months ago and although my first priority was making sure the equipment works for my purposes because I lift heavy weights and I have specific fitness goals, I also wanted to make sure that whatever I bought could also be useful to my girlfriend. That meant one of the machines is a great dual weightstack pulley system, which is great for warmups / cooldowns. I have two separate adjustable free weight sets from 5 to 52.5 and 10 to 90, so we can both use those for all sorts of things. I bought her kettle bells, which I personally never use, but she wanted them and if that motivates her to workout or gives her more options, that's fantastic!
I certainly don't think a guy should be a pushover and do whatever his wife / girlfriend says, which is equally pathetic, but in a relationship you can both be on equal footing and discuss things with each other and both people can feel included and like their opinions are valuable. He is basically acting like you're his slave and nothing you want really matters, which is no way to treat someone you love. I'm sorry, but that's not ok.
Gee, start selling memberships and I would forget about the girlfriend if you are only going to be critical...never a good match.
This is not acceptable behavior. My girlfriend is well younger than me, and we have been dating 5 years now, so I will admit to being guilty of some of this type of behavior early in our relationship. It's a very bad way to have a great relationship, though, because the people will feel unequal. I'm in a similar situation where I own the house, a 3 story house just like yours, and I pay all of the bills. My girlfriend is still in school (going to grad school shortly) and I have the means to support her and myself, but the last thing you want to do is lord it over someone.
I NEVER use terms like "my house" or "my cars" or "my TV" or whatever else. Yes, legally, I own these things. They are my possessions. But who wants to feel like they're living in someone else's house, like you're a servant of your boyfriend or something? I always say OUR house and it's very important to me that my girlfriend feels that it's just as much her home as it is mine. I have an office (one of the bedrooms) that I do whatever I want to, because it's my office. She has a bedroom as well that she turned into an office and that's hers to do whatever she wants with. We don't ask permission with what to do with our respective offices. But in common areas, it's a discussion. I don't just TELL her that I'm going to do such and such with the living room. We talk about it jointly so she always feels included in the decision-making process.
It's just not a very healthy relationship if one person feels like they're under the gun because the other person is lording their money / possessions over the other person. It's unfair to you. If having a piece of fitness equipment at home is important to you -- which it's very important to me, so I understand -- then he should be very supportive of that! That's what helps you stay in great shape. Honestly, though, he should get off his butt and start working out with you because that's part of a happy, healthy lifestyle.
I bought $7,000 in home gym equipment when I moved into this house a few months ago and although my first priority was making sure the equipment works for my purposes because I lift heavy weights and I have specific fitness goals, I also wanted to make sure that whatever I bought could also be useful to my girlfriend. That meant one of the machines is a great dual weightstack pulley system, which is great for warmups / cooldowns. I have two separate adjustable free weight sets from 5 to 52.5 and 10 to 90, so we can both use those for all sorts of things. I bought her kettle bells, which I personally never use, but she wanted them and if that motivates her to workout or gives her more options, that's fantastic!
I certainly don't think a guy should be a pushover and do whatever his wife / girlfriend says, which is equally pathetic, but in a relationship you can both be on equal footing and discuss things with each other and both people can feel included and like their opinions are valuable. He is basically acting like you're his slave and nothing you want really matters, which is no way to treat someone you love. I'm sorry, but that's not ok.
Quote:
Originally Posted by thegreenflute334
Just wanted to comment on that last one-liner. I see her boyfriend giving up since his hot wife went for the hot dude. He has "issues" when it comes to physical education, due to trauma. Deep in his mind I believe, there is this" She will leave me too" The paychecks are a tangible items for two weeks. He simply handles the trauma for two weeks, puts it back on the shelf, and takes another deep breath for two more weeks. There is a trust issue missing here with no sign of equipment in the house to remind him. Avoidable detachment.
In the meantime, both are saying this is "SO GOOD".
Nice, thank you. I've got my sights set on this one. It's an elliptical, stair stepper and treadmill all in one with a 10-inch web browser & virtual trails & training & competition accessibilities etc :-) https://www.nordictrack.com/freestri...stride-trainer
Just wanted to comment on that last one-liner. I see her boyfriend giving up since his hot wife went for the hot dude. He has "issues" when it comes to physical education, due to trauma. Deep in his mind I believe, there is this" She will leave me too" The paychecks are a tangible items for two weeks. He simply handles the trauma for two weeks, puts it back on the shelf, and takes another deep breath for two more weeks. There is a trust issue missing here with no sign of equipment in the house to remind him. Avoidable detachment.
In the meantime, both are saying this is "SO GOOD".
This is amazingly accurate. My guy still longs for the life he had before his hot wife left him. He has been numb since she left him in 2010. But when I met him in 2014 he was still so charming so I didn't see his numbness until much later, then I thought I caused it, so that compounded my depression which made him like me less...etc.
I love exercising & healthy food!!! It fixes just about every problem anyone may have. I wish he could understand this!!! But he's actually slowly learning.
OP do you live near your city's community center? I am within walking distance of mine. The workout facilities are good and membership is $40 a year. The classes are an additional $25/month and you can go to 3 classes 5 days a week on that if you want. Most of other nearby cities are more expensive (like a couple hundred a year) but that is still a lot cheaper and in my experience the facilities are just as nice. Maybe you could do that if you want an affordable gym environment.
My employer provides discounts for gyms, can you look into that?
My employer also has a gym in the building but the hours don't work for me.
I get you on missing the outdoor healthy culture. I practically lived outside when I lived in HB. My BF and I have two small dogs and we had great fun spending the whole day outside with them. People look at me cross-eyed when I say they like to go for 3 mile walks, but it's true. I love exploring trails with him too. I get it. Is your BF suffering from depression maybe?
I have gym memberships to three local gyms (and free lifetime membership to all corporate Gold's in the world) but they're not open 24 hours. They're closed when I wake up in the morning, and they're closed when I get off work at night. And group fitness classes are my favorite medicine. And some Gold's have a different brand of this thing, also one of my favorite medicines: https://www.nordictrack.com/freestri...FQcKaQodgwoLZg
My employer offers no benefits whatsoever. I'm a massage therapist.
Yes my man is probably depressed. If so, he's a highly-functional depressed person. He puts in full hours & effort at work but he's emotionally numb and illogical. He thrives on perfectionism in his details (organizes the kitchen & every item in the refrigerator & pantry every day, sweeps the floor every day, carries around unnecessary papers & items in his pockets & bag, checks & re-checks door locks... classic OCD probably). I love him a lot and would not spend this much energy trying to figure someone out if I didn't love him.
You say he supports your passion for fitness fully, but that isn't true if he doesn't let you have certain equipment in the house. My opinion is that you need to move on and find someone who has similar passions. It's healthier.
Heck no. I am a loner, and that's why exercising is my favorite activity.
If I wanted company, I would play sports.
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