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I am constantly doing all I can to keep myself looking good. Drinking plenty of water, cucumbering up my eyelids, spending countless dollars on facial scrubs and sunscreen to keep my skin safe from the sun. I spend way too much on clothes and I am always reinventing myself. I HATE to exercise but thankfully I am blessed with a super fast metabolism so I don't really have to.
I have very little self esteem and sometimes feel as though my looks are all I have, and that when they go no one will want me. Do any other ladies feel this way or is it just me?
(if this needs to be moved to another forum please feel free to do so! )
Unfortunately, us women are judged primarily by how we look. There are other factors of course, intelligence, sense of humor, level of empathy etc. But the first thing someone sees when they look at you - is what's on the outside. So, because of this standard, I do try to look my best. I try to take good care of my skin, eat right, avoid sun damage. But I know that eventually I am going to start aging, and that's just something I'm going to have to accept.
I think when I do start to lose my youthful appearance, I will be at an age where it won't be about me anymore. I'm single, so my life is very free and I'm mostly concerned with what I want to do with my life, who I want to date, what I want to accomplish. But I know that one day I'll have a family, I'll be more active in my community and I can move on to the next stage in my life. That's not to say I won't try to look my best, just that it won't matter as much anymore. I'm looking forward to the next stage in my life, as much as I'm enjoying this one.
I think if you see aging as different chapters in your life, its not as scary. When reading a book, you're always looking forward, always looking to what will happen next, its not about staying stuck on one chapter. That's what life is about to me. I know who I am now, and I'm happy with it. I'm young, people think I'm attractive, I have my private goals and dreams. But I'm excited to see who I will be in the future. How will I be as a mother? A grandmother? What will I look like then? Will I be the same person, or will time change me?
Vanilla, to me I think it's normal for people to spend time taking care of their appearance & trying to maintain their looks, male or female.
But I don't think it's normal for people to base their self esteem or self worth on what they look like or what they don't look like.
Reinventing yourself from time to time can be a good thing if you haven't come into your own yet & don't know what particular style it is that you like, but you mention that you spend way too much on clothes. Do you feel the need to be perfect on the outside to make up for what you're lacking on the inside?
If so, I would lay off the crest white strips for awhile & find out why you think that looks would be the only reason that someone would want to be with you, as if that's all you have to offer a relationship.
Balance is the key, I'm not advocating letting yourself go to the point that you end up on the scary wal-mart people website but you could try to focus more on being interesting & well rounded than having the perfect outfit.
Best of luck.
Courtney
Last edited by bluesky42day; 07-15-2010 at 02:09 AM..
I care about how I look but I don't spend a lot of time or money on expensive products. Most are a rip off in my opinion and capitalize on womens fears and insecurities.
I look my age. I think I look really good for my age, but I am not fooling anyone. I don't fret over not being young anymore. Many female celebrities look like freaks to me, with their deformed lips and frozen botox faces. It's not a look I am striving for.
I have simple routines (sunscreen! water!) and I use simple products like coconut oil to keep my hair and skin healthy. Having good teeth is my biggest expense, and having well manicured feet is the most time-consuming part of my beauty routine.
I worry about losing my sight and the ability to drive.
LOL! This is actually happening to me thanks to probably MS. I can still drive, but I know it's probably something I will lose. I've lost almost all sight in one eye.
If it helps, I'm still OK. You will be too if this actually ever happens to you :-)
OP, I'm not focused on my appearance. I have good skin & bone structure, and I don't really wear much makeup or use all kinds of products. I've always been overweight and really tall/large frame so I made peace with not being a cute little thing, or a hot mama, years ago.
I like what the poster above said about balance. I do things like use white strips once in awhile, but I don't spend hours everyday fussing over my looks. It's more, "Gee, I've been drinking a lot of coffee and wine lately. Where are my white strips?" than "Oh what have I done? My teeth look kind of dingy. No one will ever love me."
Worry about it?
Not any more...I already lost them
Still get the occassional pass though and have realized a genuine smile and attitude are as important as people say they are.
It's never bad, OP, to take care of your body....it's all you've got but spend less time on how it looks and more on how it acts and you'll have more lasting results and be happier with yourself.
I take care of my body because I like to, not because I'm worried about the future. The women in my family tend to age gracefully so long as they take care of themselves (if we don't, we lose our teeth!).
It is nice to try to keep looking your best, I do what I can, but I would much rather age gracefully than being a sad old lady in her late 50s trying to look as if I were 35.
I would not like to turn back time, I am happy with the way I look for my age, and will keep looking the age I am, as nicely as possible but not a caricature of a younger person.
Everybody ages and it is great to see old people with white hair and wrinkles and still beautiful, but truth to their age.
To each their own, but as much as looking good is a nice thing, for me it is much more important to maintain my health at an older age, not my looks.
And I would like to be admired not by the way I look but for my personality.
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