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Many women who think in their minds that they are dressing for themselves deep down know there is more to it.
Here's a hypothetical. What if a woman knew wherever she went that day she would not see another human being. Would she dress differently? Of course.
Actually, when I worked in the purchasing department/back office for a machine company I rarely saw anyone in my day to day workings, beside the two older women I worked with. I actually dressed up more at that job than I did at any other. I think it's because I felt more comfortable trying new styles and not being 'judged' by others so I felt like I could branch out a bit. If I wanted to wear 5" heels and a pencil skirt with red lipstick I didn't have to worry about getting leered at or any rude comments.
When I saw people on a regular basis I dressed down because I needed to 'fit in' and not stick out.
I dress up more when I'm just hanging around the house than when I go out.
Despite the fact that I don't like most of what LexWest is saying, she's not far off the mark. It's not so much that she's being ridiculous, but that she's stating certain truths which really shouldn't be truths. In my opinion, she's a bit too blase' about it, almost as though to say that it's okay to brush this stuff off because it's the case for everyone or almost everyone.
I say that it should never be brushed off. It may be true for a bunch of people but that doesn't make it okay. It's a social cancer which must be eradicated as quickly as possible. If it is eradicated, I guarantee that there'd be a lot less trouble in the world. There'd be less "unwanted pregnancies" because girls wouldn't be having promiscuous sex to keep their men around due to the fact that they don't think they have enough going for them (perhaps in the looks department) to make a guy just want to stay anyway even without sex. There'd be less depression, meaning lower medical costs for a lot of people. There'd be less suicide, less substance abuse, etc.
People who are totally confident in who they are don't do things like have promiscuous sex or abuse substances... or any of a whole host of other social ills which do no good for anyone.
But I doubt, from what I can read, that LexWest suffers from any worse insecurity than anyone else she describes does... and I doubt she was ever much of a bully. It just sucks that what she is describing tends to be true for just about everyone. Maybe we should try to fix that little problem. After all, who among us is not beautiful / handsome?
Actually, when I worked in the purchasing department/back office for a machine company I rarely saw anyone in my day to day workings, beside the two older women I worked with. I actually dressed up more at that job than I did at any other. I think it's because I felt more comfortable trying new styles and not being 'judged' by others so I felt like I could branch out a bit. If I wanted to wear 5" heels and a pencil skirt with red lipstick I didn't have to worry about getting leered at or any rude comments.
When I saw people on a regular basis I dressed down because I needed to 'fit in' and not stick out.
I dress up more when I'm just hanging around the house than when I go out.
That means on a subconscious level you dressed differently based on other influences.
Sorry. Not buying this. Why is it impossible to believe that some of us are not looking for validation from others for our appearance?
I am not wearing a cute outfit because I am hoping "Mr. Right" or "Right Now" is strolling by and will notice my well coordinated outfit. I am not walking out to fish for compliments from randos on the street, or even my friends.
I am look for approval from one special person. Me. And as long as I approve, then I can put my best face forward to take on the day, and that's the goal of dressing for yourself.
I wasted way too much time caring about what everyone else thinks.
Well, yeah I dress for others, within the parameters of dressing for myself. I know what my husband finds appealing so I wear those things.... that meet what I like and what he likes. EVERY time?... no. At work, I wear my version of what is appropriate for that.
Honestly, if I totally dressed for myself, I would leave the house in sweats and tennies everyday, I would only dress for ultimate comfort. But how I dress affects how I feel, and I like to look nice. How I dress, and how I look shows the world a quick glimpse of who I am.
It took me YEARS, but I can apply cat eye liquid eyeliner without a mirror It also helps if you have a few friends who are either models or makeup artists...they taught me a lot. I still prefer a classic look though, liquid eyeliner on top, charcoal lining the bottom lid and deep red lipstick. Takes me about 5 minutes to put on and I don't think it will ever go out of style.
I'm impressed ! BTW, do you have a favorite red lipstick?
I'm married to a man who thinks I'm beautiful when I wake up, bleary-eyed with no makeup and a bird's nest on my head. I work in a quasi-academic environment where the intellectual is valued far above the superficial, and most of my coworkers dress accordingly. My friends are relatively unconcerned with style, and I don't need or relish the approval of strangers--in fact, I'm introverted to the extent that even positive attention is uncomfortable.
But I'm also someone who seeks out beauty in every part of life. I have a visual-artistic streak that does not have an outlet in my day job, and my clothes are an expression of my aesthetic preferences in the same way that my home is. And I've spent many years in Europe, where men and women alike tend to dress more elegantly and intentionally than they do here.
Briefly, I dress well not because I like attention, but because my desire for beauty everywhere exceeds my wish to be invisible.
You already said you won't believe a word, and you'll probably call me pretentious on top of it, but there you go. That's my reason.
That means on a subconscious level you dressed differently based on other influences.
No, I know exactly why I was doing it. I like experimenting with different styles but when you live in a podunk cowtown it can cause more issues than it's worth. I really enjoyed dressing up for work, even when I knew I wouldn't see a single soul the entire day.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ellemint
I'm impressed ! BTW, do you have a favorite red lipstick?
I tend to mix them because it's hard to find a color that matches my skin right. Either they're too orange or too blue... I actually use small petri dishes (nerd, I know) and melt different shades together until I get one I like, then I use a brush to apply it. Kind of a pain in the butt when you're going out, but I usually have a few regular shades on me for touch ups.
Surprisingly, the cheaper ones have held up the best.
No, I know exactly why I was doing it. I like experimenting with different styles but when you live in a podunk cowtown it can cause more issues than it's worth. I really enjoyed dressing up for work, even when I knew I wouldn't see a single soul the entire day.
But you admitted you needed to change your style to suit others, by "fitting in." That's still an example of dressing for others or caring what others think.
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It also helps if you have a few friends who are either models or makeup artists...they taught me a lot. I still prefer a classic look though, liquid eyeliner on top, charcoal lining the bottom lid and deep red lipstick. Takes me about 5 minutes to put on and I don't think it will ever go out of style.
