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Did you actually get asked on dates by all these guys..or were you just their buddy? There is a difference. Though I can agree with SOME of the 'feel good' comments on here, the fact is your looks will be what gets you in the door. THEN your personality will either make you or break you. But if you dont have the looks first, it wont matter a lot more than some people here want ya to think.
A great smile, a sense of personal style, and a good personality - that's what it takes to get noticed in most places outside the "club scene," - which by the way, isn't a great place to start quality conversations, which lead to quality relationships.
Ahh,well the real world doesn't work the way some of these posters say it does.
No one gives a damn of you are nice,funny,and smart.
Looks come first,always.
Spare me the goody too shoes confidence crap.
What I fdin does work,if you are at a party,and aren't the cutest girl there,talk to the guy who isn't so cute,or even gross looking.
All I can tell you is that I've NEVER been the prettiest girl in the room, or the one with the best body, but I've lived in the real world, am very happily married to an intelligent, kind, funny, AND good looking man who has a terrific job. I've built a successful career for myself, made many good friends, both male and female, along the way, and had a very exciting, fulfilling life. And continue to do so.
When I got divorced when I was in my early forties, and started dating again, my very handsome 19 year old son told me once, "Damn, Mom - you got more game than I do!" I had more dates than I even WANTED! And this was as a forty something, middle aged woman who had FOUR CHILDREN AND A GRANDCHILD.
No, it doesn't all boil down to looks. Hell, apparently it doesn't even start with looks - unless you count that certain elusive "look" that self confidence gives someone. A lot of interesting, good men responded positively to me BECAUSE I was nice, funny, and smart - and more interested in them than in myself.
There's your key right there.
People who don't value "nice, funny and smart" aren't worth a crap. Don't waste your time or worries on them. Move on.
Maybe the men you were dating were mature?(early 40's as you were)?
Op,looks still matter.
I live in the Nyc area and you live in Texas,so once again location matters.
It was basically the same when I was in my twenties and single - I usually had a date or a boyfriend or whatever. No, I was never INUNDATED with guys when at a club - I will say that much. But I never gave a rats arse what people at a club thought of me, and I guess that attitude showed.
As far as location goes, do you honestly think that men in Texas care less about how attractive women are than men in New York?
Wow. But hey, you may have a point in a way - maybe there ARE more DECENT, INTELLIGENT, strong and self confident men in Texas than there are in New York...
By the way, I never said that looks don't matter. I pay attention to my looks and make the most of what I have. What I said is that being "the prettiest woman in the room" has very little to do with whether or not a woman is attractive.
Maybe the men you were dating were mature?(early 40's as you were)?
Op,looks still matter.
I live in the Nyc area and you live in Texas,so once again location matters.
In general, I have NEVER understood the male bashing that is done against NYC men. I love the energy and assertiveness of NYC men. Its just plain sexy!
When I visit friends in NY I always get a lot of attention from guys because my energy is very West Coat laidback, soft, feminine, girlie and easy breezy. No offense to women in NYC and NJ but I think that a lot of the women in NYC/NJ have developed such a hard edge that it really does make them less attractive overall to guys.
I don't see how some women do it. How can you walk around with a lot of confidence and self esteem when you're easily NOT the prettiest woman in the room? And no man is even looking at you? I've seen some women do it but I don't know how they stop from breaking down. It's really hard to remain level headed and optimistic when you realize this. What are some thought patterns that can help from falling apart and getting depressed when the competition looks better than you?
Because I'm not a competitive person and those women probably aren't either. Also, having every man turn his head to look at me and give me their attention is not the end all and be all of my existence.
In my opinion confidence plays a huge part in how one is deemed "desirable". I'm not always at my best, but my mother once told me to always walk with my head held high. That sort of goes along with the whole, "fake it til you make it bit". I've always been a huge believer in this.
At times when I don't find myself so "good looking" at that time, they are usually the times where "others" are consider me or are desiring me. What I mean is, when I just go about my daily life and I am not looking for anyone. Which is always the case, since I am with a wonderful women. This seems to attract people the most. I guess (and this is just my take), that they see someone who is very secure in themselves and content. People like people who are content.. My point is becoming vague.
Botton line is, I took my mother to get her prescriptions filled a few weeks back. I was feeling very down about myself. Don't really want to get into why. I'll just say that the lady and I were having some difficulties. I remember feeling so down that I wanted to cry. I look up and there's this very attractive lady (on work break-must have been a nurse/ had the outfit on) trying to make eye contact with me every chance she could. I'm no stranger to women looking at me. Not trying to sound co ky, just being real. However, it made me think that women are attracted to confidence, yet, I felt no confidence in the world that day. So, I said to her (my mother) why is she looking at me? I seem so down today and I feel like sh t about myself. I hadn't shaved, ironed anything. Basically, I looked like a slob, which is usually not the case. My mother told me, (and I've heard this before, but sometimes we forget things) that women love a man who doesn't act co cky, arrogant, or who know's that they are good looking. They like a man to be good looking, yet almost be oblivious to that fact. Well, on that certain day, I certainly didn't feel good looking. But perhaps she was right.
So although I think that confidence is a must, I also think that there is a fine line, between confidence and arrogance as well as letting everyone else think that you are the sh t. Personally I've never tried to act like I was the sh t intentionally, but I'm pretty sure there had to be some incidences in life (much alcohol consumed) where I might have come off like that.
Bottom line for me is a mix of humility (the real kind, not the fake kind) as well as "some" confidence goes along way. However, there is a thin line between confidence and cockiness. I'm pretty sure most of us have wobbled that line a few times or more.
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