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In my opinion confidence plays a huge part in how one is deemed "desirable". I'm not always at my best, but my mother once told me to always walk with my head held high. That sort of goes along with the whole, "fake it til you make it bit". I've always been a huge believer in this.
At times when I don't find myself so "good looking" at that time, they are usually the times where "others" are consider me or are desiring me. What I mean is, when I just go about my daily life and I am not looking for anyone. Which is always the case, since I am with a wonderful women. This seems to attract people the most. I guess (and this is just my take), that they see someone who is very secure in themselves and content. People like people who are content.. My point is becoming vague.
Botton line is, I took my mother to get her prescriptions filled a few weeks back. I was feeling very down about myself. Don't really want to get into why. I'll just say that the lady and I were having some difficulties. I remember feeling so down that I wanted to cry. I look up and there's this very attractive lady (on work break-must have been a nurse/ had the outfit on) trying to make eye contact with me every chance she could. I'm no stranger to women looking at me. Not trying to sound co ky, just being real. However, it made me think that women are attracted to confidence, yet, I felt no confidence in the world that day. So, I said to her (my mother) why is she looking at me? I seem so down today and I feel like sh t about myself. I hadn't shaved, ironed anything. Basically, I looked like a slob, which is usually not the case. My mother told me, (and I've heard this before, but sometimes we forget things) that women love a man who doesn't act co cky, arrogant, or who know's that they are good looking. They like a man to be good looking, yet almost be oblivious to that fact. Well, on that certain day, I certainly didn't feel good looking. But perhaps she was right.
So although I think that confidence is a must, I also think that there is a fine line, between confidence and arrogance as well as letting everyone else think that you are the sh t. Personally I've never tried to act like I was the sh t intentionally, but I'm pretty sure there had to be some incidences in life (much alcohol consumed) where I might have come off like that.
Bottom line for me is a mix of humility (the real kind, not the fake kind) as well as "some" confidence goes along way. However, there is a thin line between confidence and cockiness. I'm pretty sure most of us have wobbled that line a few times or more.
This is an excellent post and makes a lot of good points.
Being focused on OTHER PEOPLE rather than how YOU look or what people are thinking of YOU is, in my opinion, the number one element in attractiveness. Sure, it may not get you the first look from the most shallow people in the room - but it will get you the most lasting looks (sometimes for a lifetime) from the people who are most worthy of your attention.
Of course looks matter. OP isn't asking whether or not looks matter. She is asking how women keep from "breaking down" if they aren't the "prettiest in the room". She is assuming that a woman who isn't the prettiest in the room, should or would suddenly lose all her confidence and send her self esteem plummeting. This is what is unhealthy.
Of course we all want to look our best. At job interviews or making good first impressions, dinner parties, special occasions, even just every day if we love our spouse or SO and we like to look our best for them, etc. This is natural. But it is not healthy to feel completely lost or broken simply because someone else walks into a room and you feel that person is more physically attractive than you are. That is cause for concern.
Of course looks matter. OP isn't asking whether or not looks matter. She is asking how women keep from "breaking down" if they aren't the "prettiest in the room". She is assuming that a woman who isn't the prettiest in the room, should or would suddenly lose all her confidence and send her self esteem plummeting. This is what is unhealthy.
Of course we all want to look our best. At job interviews or making good first impressions, dinner parties, special occasions, even just every day if we love our spouse or SO and we like to look our best for them, etc. This is natural. But it is not healthy to feel completely lost or broken simply because someone else walks into a room and you feel that person is more physically attractive than you are. That is cause for concern.
Right on. In fact, it sounds so unstable that I'd say that a round of therapy is probably in order!
In the US, we seem to believe that we either deserve to be exceptional or that there is great shame in not being or becoming exceptional. We can't seem to accept that in most ways, we will probably end up average, and that this is fine. Americans need to be more comfortable with our ordinary looks, ordinary achievements, and ordinary opportunities (including romantic opportunities).
It was basically the same when I was in my twenties and single - I usually had a date or a boyfriend or whatever. No, I was never INUNDATED with guys when at a club - I will say that much. But I never gave a rats arse what people at a club thought of me, and I guess that attitude showed.
As far as location goes, do you honestly think that men in Texas care less about how attractive women are than men in New York?
Wow. But hey, you may have a point in a way - maybe there ARE more DECENT, INTELLIGENT, strong and self confident men in Texas than there are in New York...
By the way, I never said that looks don't matter. I pay attention to my looks and make the most of what I have. What I said is that being "the prettiest woman in the room" has very little to do with whether or not a woman is attractive.
When I think of attractive,looks come to mind first.
In general, I have NEVER understood the male bashing that is done against NYC men. I love the energy and assertiveness of NYC men. Its just plain sexy!
When I visit friends in NY I always get a lot of attention from guys because my energy is very West Coat laidback, soft, feminine, girlie and easy breezy. No offense to women in NYC and NJ but I think that a lot of the women in NYC/NJ have developed such a hard edge that it really does make them less attractive overall to guys.
Well,to be fair,I think plenty of women get attention in Nyc,when they don't get it anywhere else. I know hard core butches that get attention from men in Nyc.
Myself included. Average looking women get 2x the attention in Nyc as anywhere else.
The reason most women probably developed that hard edge is because of the player types in the city.
I don't have this problem. I'm sure there are times someone is prettier than me "in the room" but it never really goes down in my mind the way OP is describing. Maybe develop a good personality?
I find the OP's need to be "the prettiest in the room" disturbing. Who cares who's prettier or how you measure up? Just have a good time. That happy energy you project will do as much or more to attract attention than a pretty face on a dull personality.
I find the OP's need to be "the prettiest in the room" disturbing. Who cares who's prettier or how you measure up? Just have a good time. That happy energy you project will do as much or more to attract attention than a pretty face on a dull personality.
Agreed^
Is OP one of the girls that just gives "mean mugs"/stank faces/dirty looks to those of us that are happy and having a good time?
I find the OP's need to be "the prettiest in the room" disturbing. Who cares who's prettier or how you measure up? Just have a good time. That happy energy you project will do as much or more to attract attention than a pretty face on a dull personality.
Yeah I'm surprised this one got so much play. I figured a thread like this would've gotten blown up by the committee on the first couple of pages.
What if hot examples of a goth, hipster, plastic, blue blood, fitness, and whatever other categories exist are all in the same room? They pretty much believe they are all at the top of their game right? Do they worry about what others think?
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