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Old 05-27-2013, 12:23 AM
 
4,178 posts, read 4,422,041 times
Reputation: 10103

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jay Watson View Post
I have posted about my unrequited love on the relationships board of CD, previously. The moderators, would rather I not bring up the subject of the particular young lady I am interested in, so I will try to be brief.

In short, I can tell you that I have been interested in the same young lady since freshmen year of high school. She has rejected me repeatedly, and despite this I would NEVER Consider anyone else.

I believe that the rejection, may be partially related to the fact that she considers me unattractive physically. My question, today is this; " What steps can a teenage (19) guy, take to improve his appearance"? My hope, is that I can improve my appearance, to the point where she would someday consider me.

Physically, I am at the average height for a guy my age. I am tall, but not as tall as many of the guys I recently graduated with. I would consider myself, slender not skinny.

I also do my best, to exercise and eat right. I have now eliminated all fried food from my diet, as well as red meat. I have done my best to eat more fruits, and vegetables rather than processed food items.

Additionally, I make an effort to ensure that I am properly groomed on a daily bases ( hair cut, shaved, etc.)

What more can I do?

Regardless, of my efforts; this girl gave no notice. We graduated last weekend.

I realize that she considers me very unattractive at this point. I would appreciate suggestions regarding, steps I could take to improve myself. It is my hope that I can change for the better, by the time our first class reunion takes place.

Thank you in advance for any help!

This topic seemed familiar. My apologies up front if it offends you to hear this truth again. 'That's Life' as difficult as it may seem to your young heart and mind. If you love someone (agape like) you will accept and wish for / pray for her best whether she's in your life or not. And yes, it will 'hurt'.

More importantly, what is the guiding directive here? Did you have some vision / dream she bore your child who ends up saving the world?

This is an obsession best channeled and redirected towards making yourself into whatever you know she finds appealing in character qualities and hope that should you ever meet at a 10 year reunion perhaps she will have matured (and hopefully you will have then too) and perhaps a dialogue might be rekindled. You cannot make someone reciprocate the feelings you have for them.

Human beings are not automatons guided by mathematical like equations: I do this / that = Now she likes me! As there are so many variables at play in attractiveness to those of opposite sex, and they evolve as people mature and endure different life situations.

The Hollywood like, 'Big Fish' dreams you may be entertaining, "Sandra Templeton, I Love You and I WILL MARRY you!" are doing you a disservice. If someone is not interested and, as per your own description and correspondences on CD forums, finds you somehow reprehensible for even having a 'romantic interest' in her WHY would you continue to pine needlessly?



Big Fish - Trailer - YouTube
See 1:04 to 1:30

This type of thinking on your part, that, she's your 'other half to complete you', or fits some idealized internalized view you have projected onto her is very unhealthy. You've never indicated any due diligence as to whether she is seeing someone else.


For someone who has an articulate way of expressing your desire for her on CD forums, you show a lack of emotional intelligence. It seems as if your questions on the internet to provide 'help', are more pleas to hear from anonymous people that somehow, she is at fault for showing bad behavior toward you and not finding you a person of romantic (or any other type of) interest. Romance is a two way street not one way.

Do you think if she read your inquiries to this forum regarding your unabashed unrequited love and interest for her, that she would somehow change her mind / feelings / attitude toward you? Or be further turned off?

That being said, it sounds as if you have made good personal healthy living choices and incorporated them into your self improvement, so congratulations, now move on with your life as you start college somewhere. She may have a doppelganger attending the same college / university.

Or send her an edited version of the 'BIG FISH' trailer dubbed with you saying her name followed by the line "I Love You and I WILL MARRY YOU", and then you can at least have some closure as the restraining order gets issued and hopefully you then are forced to have a realistic conversation with counselors, guardians or therapists.

If the obsession is somehow caught up in religious visions of her being the 'perfect' woman and you'll never find another - It is a myth, as there is no such thing - just as there is no 'perfect man'.

Or for fun, picture yourself at a 10 year H.S. reunion and introducing yourself to her and thanking her for being the inspiration to be the best ('Most interesting man in the world' spokesperson for Dos Equis?) you can be, and how in doing so, you met the love of your life who had many of the qualities you 'thought' she possessed (and more) back in H.S.

 
Old 05-27-2013, 09:31 AM
 
Location: Texas
44,256 posts, read 64,216,996 times
Reputation: 73924
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jay Watson View Post
While I respect your opinion, I must disagree.

I have determined that she is the one for me. I would never consider anyone else. If I remain single for the rest of my life, so be it.

What you must understand, is that people are not interchangeable. She is the only one who can fill the void in my heart. For that reason, I am quite willing to wait for her.
Ok, now you're acting like a 13 year-old. Fix that first.
 
Old 05-27-2013, 09:41 AM
 
3,633 posts, read 6,156,018 times
Reputation: 11376
She sounds like she's totally turned off by you, and it may have nothing to do with your physical attractiveness, but the fact that you seem obsessed with her and won't take her disinterest seriously. If your initial encounter with her as a freshman met with terse, monosyllable answers, that was your clue right there that she doesn't want to even be friends with you, let alone date you. You say you will wait as long as it takes, but it's never going to happen. Why do you think she would change her mind at some point in the future just because your make a few changes to your apperance? Your personality and fixation on her are doing more harm than those could possibly fix.

If you persist in longing after someone who is clearly unobtainable years later, you have a larger issue than just being rejected by this one girl. You don't really even know her, having never gotten close to her, and yet you think she can fill the "void" in your heart. Maybe some counseling would help you understand why you strive to get a girl who clearly isn't interested and why you think she's the only answer to your loneliness.
 
Old 05-27-2013, 09:45 AM
 
Location: Texas
597 posts, read 1,144,566 times
Reputation: 143
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
Ok, now you're acting like a 13 year-old. Fix that first.
That is quite easy to say when you speak merely as a spectator who is watching this situation unfold. Try putting yourself in my position, before rushing to judgment.

Perhaps, you would then have compassion for others who are suffering from unrequited love.

The pain of unrequited love can only be truly understood once you have experienced it.
 
Old 05-27-2013, 09:54 AM
 
Location: Texas
44,256 posts, read 64,216,996 times
Reputation: 73924
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jay Watson View Post
That is quite easy to say when you speak merely as a spectator who is watching this situation unfold. Try putting yourself in my position, before rushing to judgment.

Perhaps, you would then have compassion for others who are suffering from unrequited love.

The pain of unrequited love can only be truly understood once you have experienced it.
Are you serious?
I don't know one person who hasn't suffered from unrequited love some time in their lives.
I know I have on a number of occasions.
I have been in your position. We've all probably been in your position.
That's how we know you're being ridiculous.
A mature response would be to realize the chick is NOT into you, nothing you do is likely going to change how she feels about you, and there are TONS of people on this planet, so the likelihood that she is the only person in the world for you is extremely low.
 
Old 05-27-2013, 10:04 AM
 
Location: Texas
597 posts, read 1,144,566 times
Reputation: 143
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
I don't know one person who hasn't suffered from unrequited love some time in their lives.
I know I have on a number of occasions.
I have been in your position. We've all probably been in your position.
.
If you really understand the pain of unrequited love, why are you not more compassionate?? I fail to understand your point.

Are you simply trying to be derisive?
 
Old 05-27-2013, 10:08 AM
 
Location: Texas
44,256 posts, read 64,216,996 times
Reputation: 73924
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jay Watson View Post
If you really understand the pain of unrequited love, why are you not more compassionate?? I fail to understand your point.

Are you simply trying to be derisive?
*sigh*
There, there. You'll find someone. There are other fish in the sea. She's not worthy of you.

Better?

Look, sweetie, I feel for ya, but saying there is NO ONE in the WORLD but her for you...that's really a teenie boppie, overly dramatic thing to say. Or believe. It's just out there. And it's simply not true.
 
Old 05-27-2013, 10:14 AM
 
Location: Texas
597 posts, read 1,144,566 times
Reputation: 143
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
*sigh*
There, there. You'll find someone. There are other fish in the sea. She's not worthy of you.

Better?

.
No, that is not "better".

To begin with; I don't appreciate your patronizing attitude at all.

Secondly; How many times must I say that no matter what happens: I WOULD NEVER CONSIDER ANYONE ELSE.

This girl is truly irreplaceable.

I trust that you fully understand now?

Last edited by Jay Watson; 05-27-2013 at 10:29 AM..
 
Old 05-27-2013, 10:41 AM
 
Location: Ohio
15,701 posts, read 17,001,975 times
Reputation: 22090
Tell us.....do you have any friends, any social life at all?

.......or do you spend your spare time sitting in your bedroom pining over this girl?
 
Old 05-27-2013, 10:44 AM
 
Location: Texas
597 posts, read 1,144,566 times
Reputation: 143
Quote:
Originally Posted by Annie53 View Post
Tell us.....do you have any friends, any social life at all?
Of course I do!
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