U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Fashion and Beauty
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 11-20-2013, 01:34 PM
 
8,783 posts, read 6,388,015 times
Reputation: 6524

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve View Post
Are you sure it was because of your weight and not because of your behavior?

You might have been moody, unapproachable, bitter, unhappy looking with more weight. When you lost it, you might have started to send out different signals, happiness, confidence ... and people felt that subconsciously?
Possibly...

As far as unhappy looking with weight, I do remember people used to ask me what is wrong. I had so much weight on my face that I often looked like I was crying.

But on a serious note, when I lost some of that weight, I was actually more bitter, and I tried making myself a little more unapproachable due to how I was treated. I just figured that that was how they rolled and to hell with them. At that point, I've decided I fly solo. At that point, I was all of a sudden such a friendly, kind, sweet, intelligent, divine, angel.

*Go figure.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 11-20-2013, 01:35 PM
 
8,012 posts, read 6,819,823 times
Reputation: 12080
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve View Post
Are you sure it was because of your weight and not because of your behavior?

You might have been moody, unapproachable, bitter, unhappy looking with more weight. When you lost it, you might have started to send out different signals, happiness, confidence ... and people felt that subconsciously?
I've got to agree, this has not been my experience in the workplace. I mean unless you come to work unshaven, haven't bathed in a while or you're wearing a dirty and unkempt uniform or clothes. I can't imagine the entire workplace and most of your customers being rude and hostile to you simply because of your weight. I can imagine having a harder dating life. But as far as day to day life goes, I have not seen rudeness at this level.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-20-2013, 01:37 PM
 
Location: Hartford CT
1,875 posts, read 2,122,841 times
Reputation: 3381
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve View Post
Are you sure it was because of your weight and not because of your behavior?

You might have been moody, unapproachable, bitter, unhappy looking with more weight. When you lost it, you might have started to send out different signals, happiness, confidence ... and people felt that subconsciously?

Just speaking for myself, my overall behavior has not changed. I have always smiled at people, said good morning, and had my bad days, and been grumpy, just like most people. Just today now more people say good morning back and smile, than before. Also people making mean remarks and giving dirty looks has nothing to do with behavior.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-20-2013, 01:38 PM
 
8,783 posts, read 6,388,015 times
Reputation: 6524
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ro2113 View Post
I've got to agree, this has not been my experience in the workplace. I mean unless you come to work unshaven, haven't bathed in a while or you're wearing a dirty and unkempt uniform or clothes. I can't imagine the entire workplace and most of your customers being rude and hostile to you simply because of your weight. I can imagine having a harder dating life. But as far as day to day life goes, I have not seen rudeness at this level.
Well, it was mine and that of a lot of other people I know. In fact, it was someone else who had pointed that out to me. (Even though I have suspected)
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-20-2013, 01:44 PM
 
8,783 posts, read 6,388,015 times
Reputation: 6524
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raptor76 View Post
Just speaking for myself, my overall behavior has not changed. I have always smiled at people, said good morning, and had my bad days, and been grumpy, just like most people. Just today now more people say good morning back and smile, than before. Also people making mean remarks and giving dirty looks has nothing to do with behavior.
Actually, it does have something to do with behavior...

Their behavior


Also, look it up. It is all over the place. There is a large world beyond your neighborhood.

You may have not experienced our experience in your workplace.

But I haven't experienced...

...the holocaust, doesn't mean it didn't happen.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-20-2013, 01:55 PM
 
2,632 posts, read 6,034,109 times
Reputation: 1400
Quote:
Originally Posted by TJenkins602 View Post
Sigh... This could get messy...

Okay, here are the lesser offenses.


(Now, I'm not bitter about this, I am just listing examples)



More Recent examples

In retail, People were generally nasty and spiteful. A lot of people don't even look at me. When it is time for them to pay for their products, they throw the money down. When I give them their change, they snatch it from you. I used to get a lot of customer complaints about me. I even found out that the boss is considering letting me go (reluctantly).

Then one day, I lost a few pounds (my face tightened up a little), some of the people that wouldn't even glance at me were suddenly trying to be close to me. All of a sudden, my coworkers are my best friends. I get away with more. One big mistake I make, I go to one of my supervisors expecting a lecture, but all of a sudden, "its no big deal." More people are more prone to take my side even when I admit wrong. I was even considered for management.

Let me tell you, I have tried changing my attitude without changing my looks. People's reactions were along the lines of "you better." Now when I changed my looks, If I did something nice, it was "groundbreaking".

When I'm having a problem, people are more prone to jump out of their way for me. People are less likely to snatch. People are in general more polite.

Also, I have read and heard from people who used to be treated like precious treasure.

They *actually* thought the world was a kind place.

Then their looks changed probably due to age or other factors. Suddenly, people weren't so kind to them

Then when I grew my hair out... people started trying to get real close. Almost to the point where I kinda had to back off a bit.

Like I said, I'm still not done.


Look up some stories on this issue, you'd be amazed at what you find.

Talk shows and other programs have done some experiments on this.

To tell the truth, I have believed this phenomenon, but I never thought that it went to the extent that it did with me. And this is a lesser example of appearance judging. People who have only been on one side of the fence suspect it (especially those who have been on the less fortunate side). People who have been on both sides of the fence, talk about a mind blow. It's actually kinda cool if you can walk on both sides.



Now, I didn't list everything that happened, mind you. Some of these things are still too painful to talk about.

Now there are some people that will look past your appearance. I will not deny that.
It's pretty cool you have had similiar experiences. I thought I was the only one. But you did remind of the experiment tyra banks had on her show. I tried to find the experiment online but to no avail. I think it brought some audience members to tears to see the major difference on how someone who is treated as less attractive vs how someone who is treated being more attractive.

Even the participants who were attractive were brought to tears.

Even though I fixed my problem and I'm not sure if you feel this way too having gone through similiar experiences. It feels fake how people gravitate towards me. They aren't attracted to my personality or who I am as a person they are attracted to my appearance. I can even be a complete A hole in some instances and get away with murder because of my appearance.

I like to experiment.

Looks play in every facet of life. You walk into a store looking good and people will insist on helping you and talking to you. Imagine going through a store where people look at you like your nothing or with disgust. Women avoid even being around you. Cashiers slide money back to you or become quickly impatient with you. Men walk as if there better then you. No matter how polite, funny are charming you are the only thing you get is a snicker or a pity smile.

Imagine going into that same store and you keep getting smiles from everyone. Cashiers are friendly. Sales associates constantly asking you if you need help. People stop and try to make conversation with you. Complete strangers. Men nod at you and try to make eye contact. You can tell the corniest jokes and people will fake laugh.

Most people are unlike me or Tjenkins. They only know one of those realities so they couldn't possibly understand.

Like I said I'm glad you made that post. I finally having someone to relate to.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-20-2013, 02:06 PM
 
8,783 posts, read 6,388,015 times
Reputation: 6524
Quote:
Originally Posted by Veyron View Post
It's pretty cool you have had similiar experiences. I thought I was the only one. But you did remind of the experiment tyra banks had on her show. I tried to find the experiment online but to no avail. I think it brought some audience members to tears to see the major difference on how someone who is treated as less attractive vs how someone who is treated being more attractive.

Even the participants who were attractive were brought to tears.

Even though I fixed my problem and I'm not sure if you feel this way too having gone through similiar experiences. It feels fake how people gravitate towards me. They aren't attracted to my personality or who I am as a person they are attracted to my appearance. I can even be a complete A hole in some instances and get away with murder because of my appearance.

I like to experiment.


Looks play in every facet of life. You walk into a store looking good and people will insist on helping you and talking to you. Imagine going through a store where people look at you like your nothing or with disgust. Women avoid even being around you. Cashiers slide money back to you or become quickly impatient with you. Men walk as if there better then you. No matter how polite, funny are charming you are the only thing you get is a snicker or a pity smile.

Imagine going into that same store and you keep getting smiles from everyone. Cashiers are friendly. Sales associates constantly asking you if you need help. People stop and try to make conversation with you. Complete strangers. Men nod at you and try to make eye contact. You can tell the corniest jokes and people will fake laugh.

Most people are unlike me or Tjenkins. They only know one of those realities so they couldn't possibly understand.

Like I said I'm glad you made that post. I finally having someone to relate to.
Wow. I know what you mean. I myself like to experiment. Yeah, it does get me suspicious when people suddenly gravitate towards me, especially since I'm used to otherwise.

You really raised an interesting topic. Like you said, many people do not understand because they haven't really experienced it. Some will never really experience it (particularly those who are not totally blessed in appearances). And some people, bless their hearts, don't want to believe that people can be that low. (I don't like believing that either, honestly)

This is one of those things that people just have to see to believe.

For those that experience this, it is beyond a mind trip.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-20-2013, 02:08 PM
 
2,632 posts, read 6,034,109 times
Reputation: 1400
Quote:
Originally Posted by TJenkins602 View Post
Possibly...

As far as unhappy looking with weight, I do remember people used to ask me what is wrong. I had so much weight on my face that I often looked like I was crying.

But on a serious note, when I lost some of that weight, I was actually more bitter, and I tried making myself a little more unapproachable due to how I was treated. I just figured that that was how they rolled and to hell with them. At that point, I've decided I fly solo. At that point, I was all of a sudden such a friendly, kind, sweet, intelligent, divine, angel.

*Go figure.
ME too. When I fixed my acne and cleared up my skin and put on some muscle I became much more bitter.

Now you want to talk to me. People disgust me sometimes. Whats crazy is that it was like 85% of people changed.

Because of my appearance you want to hold the freaking door for me like a bellman but before most people would let it shut in my face. All of a sudden I have girls flicking their hair in my face or touching me without my permission but before they would look at me like I killed their brother. People who would serve me food, rude waitresses and waiters or now trying to make practical conversation? Really? Did I win the noble peace prize? Did I serve in iraq? Did I cure cancer? I changed my appearance. Women especially treat you like a god when your attractive. I can't tell you the countless times I have had women let me cut in front of them in lines in a grocery store and then they try to make conversations. Women have WAAAY better game then men do. A women will make an intimate connection with a man before he's even aware of her intentions. In fact the first time she lays eyes on you and she deems you a fit mate your practically married already.

I can't tell you how many times my arms has been touched in a friendly gesture by a women, or how many times a women accidently so happenly dropped her purse or grocery to bend over in front of me and pick it up.

How many times a girl has walked in front of me back and forth switching her hips and flicking her hair in order for me to get her notice her. How many times I ignore texts and still she pursues.

Whats crazy is that if I had never been ugly I would never know the little subtle games women play in order to insnare a man. They are very very cunning. It's because of my "former life" that I know the difference in treatment. I know when a women is looking at me because her eyes roll away at the last second all it takes is a high a few corny jokes and thats all she wrote.


What changed nothing but my appearance.

People are so fake and shallow its disgusting sometimes.

Had I not been unattractive at some point in my life I wouldn't see the signs and I would have a very skewed view of the world and probably share the same perspective of some of these other posters on this thead.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-20-2013, 02:37 PM
 
17,863 posts, read 18,222,282 times
Reputation: 13821
I don't I need to chime in on this discussion. I've already made many posts about this throughout some similar threads. lol.

oh, and BTW, as to the employment thingy-I am by no means a small/thin person, and I out work most of the people I work with. There is a reason why the company I work for pushed my name across HR to get me permanently employed within' a month and a half when it takes minimum 3-4 months usually. On time, never miss a day, always back from any breaks I have on time, working the full 10-12 hours I am at work.

If the company I work for chose to hire one of the other guys, who have been fired because I did circles around them while they watched, because they had some of the same credentials that I did, but were thin, the boss and employees I work with would be working 6 days a week every week and they'd be pissed off people for the choice they made.

Just some food for thought.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-20-2013, 02:52 PM
 
Location: SoCal again
16,925 posts, read 13,683,858 times
Reputation: 33546
So that would be against the OPs opinion with the statement about super attractive people getting better jobs.

Just stole that from different thread. Average looking women seen as more reliable in the military.

Battle Rattle » Colonel advises Army to use pictures of ‘average-looking women’ with stories about female soldiers in combat
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Fashion and Beauty
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2020, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top